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Happy Together: Creating a Lifetime of Connection, Commitment, and Intimacy [Kindle Edition]

Bill Cloke PhD
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)

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Book Description

No matter how much passion there is at the beginning of a relationship, for love to last it must be actively created. Dr. Bill Cloke, an innovative and successful couples’ therapist, has been helping couples create lasting connection, commitment, and intimacy by learning the essential relationship skills he now reveals in Happy Together. With sensitivity and practicality, Happy Together pinpoints the issues and actions that can make or break our relationships. Step by step, it will show you: • How to identify and overcome personal barriers to meaningful and satisfying connections • The defensive ways we unknowingly kill love and how to learn from conflict to create deeper intimacy • The role of passion and sexuality in our relationships • How to understand & deal with issues of shame and rage that can impact our ability to love • Why deeply held myths about family, marriage, and idealized romance can create expectations that damage our connection with each other • How to become partners in problem-solving • How to effectively use the tools of compassionate communication and “constructive complaining.” Rich with practical tips and techniques, including sample dialogues to help you make meaningful changes, Happy Together will guide you in perfecting the skills you need to create a positive vision for your relationship and a road map for happiness.


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Good communication may be the key to a lasting, loving marriage, but not just any communication. In his first book Cloke argues that real talk based in real life—not myth or fantasy—is missing, and discovering how to achieve this level of communication can reverse the course of a failing marriage. The author, a popular psychotherapist, urges couples to examine both practical priorities and values and whatever they may be idealizing, be that money, sex, or a different definition of success. Couples need to look at behavior and communication patterns from their childhoods, Cloke argues, offering a practical guide and dozens of questions to foster dialogue and reflection. The goal is to end the cycle of hurtful communication by exposing—and learning from—the emotionally-wounded, angry child behind the adult self, and hallmarks of effective communication (criticism vs. constructive complaint, for example) are delineated. While Cloke's ideas about what makes a marriage work are far from revolutionary, he goes beyond common sense, and his case studies put complex marital problems—and solutions—on display. This is a thorough treatment plan for the troubled marriage; in the absence of couples' therapy, or in conjunction with it, it will prove helpful. (Feb.)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

Review

Good communication may be the key to a lasting, loving marriage, but not just any communication. In his first book Cloke argues that real talk based in real life--not myth or fantasy--is missing, and discovering how to achieve this level of communication can reverse the course of a failing marriage. The author, a popular psychotherapist, urges couples to examine both practical priorities and values and whatever they may be idealizing, be that money, sex, or a different definition of success. Couples need to look at behavior and communication patterns from their childhoods, Cloke argues, offering a practical guide and dozens of questions to foster dialogue and reflection. The goal is to end the cycle of hurtful communication by exposing--and learning from--the emotionally-wounded, angry child behind the adult self, and hallmarks of effective communication (criticism vs. constructive complaint, for example) are delineated. While Cloke's ideas about what makes a marriage work are far from revolutionary, he goes beyond common sense, and his case studies put complex marital problems--and solutions--on display. This is a thorough treatment plan for the troubled marriage; in the absence of couples' therapy, or in conjunction with it, it will prove helpful. - Publishers Weekly

Product Details

  • File Size: 543 KB
  • Print Length: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Pacific Highlands Press (September 11, 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004NNW0XK
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #842,393 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars FINALLY... February 9, 2011
By pdidhe
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
After suffering through 2 failed marriages, I was introduced to Dr. Bill's theories and now find myself understanding my behaviors in intimate relationships for the first time in my life.

Part self-discovery, part self-responsibility, Happy Together has helped me develop a very meaningful intimate relationship and to understand how to handle the struggles and difficult feelings that come up occasionally. By understanding my patterns and my partner's needs, struggles have helped us grow closer and develop a stronger bond. Using the workbook sections with my partner has been very rewarding :-)

Concise and very-well explained, Dr. Bill rocks the house!!! I bought a bunch to give away as Valentine's Day gifts for my close couple friends that struggle and seem to be going through the motions in their relationships.

Enough with the drama already!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not my style- AND YET IT IS! March 21, 2012
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
To be honest I never look at the self-help aisle. I consider myself more of a sci-fi, comic book type. I like editing videos, playing video games, and other such "geek" activities.

This book has become a favorite of mine. Anything that inspires me is appreciated. I just finished it, and it has inspired me. It has allowed me to analyze how I treat a partner and what I expect from a healthy relationshp. Happiness is not a destination but a path.

One thing that I very much appreciate about it, is that it is written to-the-point. It gets the theory/concept across and moves on. It does not get lost in over explaining or flowery rhetoric. Awesome. Also, the way it conveys the information is great. It will use several methods and sometimes even take you back to the time of cavement. (seriously!)

Also, it inspires me to think. Sometimes I read chunks and put the book down. Like did you know(SPOILER ALERT) that the neural pathways in our brain are the same ones for joy AND guilt? And then it expands on that...

So good.
5 stars.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Resonates deeply August 16, 2011
Format:Paperback
I had started reading the book and wanted to return to it; and then a couple of weeks ago some dear friends of mine were going through an especially rough patch with their marriage. I was listening to the wife tell me about the latest blow-up they had and that she was practically ready to walk away from their marriage, it had gotten so bad. I mentioned to her that I had this book written by a friend & client that I thought she might like to check out, and since they might be looking for a therapist, perhaps it might give them an indication of whether they might want to inquire whether he would be open to seeing them as clients. I gave her the book and within a day she was raving to me that it completely spoke to both of them. I think they are still reading it so I might have to buy a copy to have for my own - I'm really wanting to get back in there and finish reading it!
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Much more than a typical self-help book September 19, 2011
Format:Paperback
Dr Bill Cloke is a practicing psychotherapist and his experience shines through in this rich exploration of the complicated landscape of relationships. Bill's a great guide ... wise, compassionate, non-judgmental ... in explaining the intricate workings of relationships, including why they often crash-and-burn and, more importantly, what makes them succeed. Whether you're in a new relationship or are a well-seasoned veteran, reading and assimilating the ideas and very practical suggestions in Happy Together can help you achieve a far deeper sense of connection and greater feelings of intimacy than you ever believed possible. I especially appreciated the thought-provoking end-of-chapter questions which you can reflect on yourself or discuss with your partner.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Comprehensive May 23, 2011
Format:Paperback
This is the most comprehensive book I have read regarding personal well-being and functioning happily within a relationship. Bill's unique and balanced approach challenges the reader by defining how to operate in a relationship from the perspective of developing the individual. It is a manual for living well and a must have encyclopedic reference for conflict resolution. Get this book!
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful and Inspiring February 28, 2011
Format:Paperback
It's a great book -- insightful, practical, interesting, and obviously the product of a lifetime of experience generously presented for the benefit of others.
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More About the Author

Dr. Bill Cloke has been a successful couples' therapist for 30 years. His passion is to help both individuals and couples lead more fulfilling lives and relationships by learning essential relationship skills.

He received a master's degree in education from the University of Southern California and holds a PhD in Psychology from California Graduate Institute. A frequent talk radio psychologist, he is also a contributor to PsychologyToday.com and other popular websites and has lectured at UCLA.

Bill Cloke lives with his wife in Los Angeles, where he works with couples, families, and children from a cross-section of cultures.

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