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Happy Together: Creating a Lifetime of Connection, Commitment, and Intimacy Kindle Edition

11 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Good communication may be the key to a lasting, loving marriage, but not just any communication. In his first book Cloke argues that real talk based in real life—not myth or fantasy—is missing, and discovering how to achieve this level of communication can reverse the course of a failing marriage. The author, a popular psychotherapist, urges couples to examine both practical priorities and values and whatever they may be idealizing, be that money, sex, or a different definition of success. Couples need to look at behavior and communication patterns from their childhoods, Cloke argues, offering a practical guide and dozens of questions to foster dialogue and reflection. The goal is to end the cycle of hurtful communication by exposing—and learning from—the emotionally-wounded, angry child behind the adult self, and hallmarks of effective communication (criticism vs. constructive complaint, for example) are delineated. While Cloke's ideas about what makes a marriage work are far from revolutionary, he goes beyond common sense, and his case studies put complex marital problems—and solutions—on display. This is a thorough treatment plan for the troubled marriage; in the absence of couples' therapy, or in conjunction with it, it will prove helpful. (Feb.)
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Review

"Happy Together explains why love, like happiness, is an inside job. Dr. Bill Cloke gives great insights into how to create a loving relationship that lasts.” -Marci Shimoff, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Happy for No Reason

"Bill Cloke is a genius at showing us how to make the relationship of our dreams more than just a dream. His step-by-step approach for dealing with the most important and sensitive of relationship issues brings us hope that we can develop the skills we need to make our relationships thrive. Especially key are his sections throughout on how to understand our personal pain and that of our partner and then use the conflicts that naturally ensue to create what we all long for-a deeply loving and intimate connection. If you are serious about wanting to create and share a truly meaningful love, this book is for you. Happy Together is a genuinely beautiful and practical work that should be every couple's companion for a lifetime.” -Patricia Spadaro, author of Honor Yourself: The Inner Art of Giving and Receiving

"This book is a must read for those wishing for loving relationships that work! Bill Cloke is a master of practical methods for cultivating intimacy and love. He reveals the deeper causes of problems we face with loved ones and he offers success stories of couples he has treated and solutions we can apply in our own lives.” -Dr. Joan Goldsmith, coauthor with Warren Bennis of Learning to Lead: A Workbook on Becoming a Leader

Product Details

  • File Size: 334 KB
  • Print Length: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Pacific Highlands Press (January 20, 2011)
  • Publication Date: January 20, 2011
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B006NPDZNA
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,696,932 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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More About the Author

Dr. Bill Cloke has been a successful couples' therapist for 30 years. His passion is to help both individuals and couples lead more fulfilling lives and relationships by learning essential relationship skills.

He received a master's degree in education from the University of Southern California and holds a PhD in Psychology from California Graduate Institute. A frequent talk radio psychologist, he is also a contributor to PsychologyToday.com and other popular websites and has lectured at UCLA.

Bill Cloke lives with his wife in Los Angeles, where he works with couples, families, and children from a cross-section of cultures.

Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By pdidhe on February 9, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
After suffering through 2 failed marriages, I was introduced to Dr. Bill's theories and now find myself understanding my behaviors in intimate relationships for the first time in my life.

Part self-discovery, part self-responsibility, Happy Together has helped me develop a very meaningful intimate relationship and to understand how to handle the struggles and difficult feelings that come up occasionally. By understanding my patterns and my partner's needs, struggles have helped us grow closer and develop a stronger bond. Using the workbook sections with my partner has been very rewarding :-)

Concise and very-well explained, Dr. Bill rocks the house!!! I bought a bunch to give away as Valentine's Day gifts for my close couple friends that struggle and seem to be going through the motions in their relationships.

Enough with the drama already!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By David Escobedo on March 21, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
To be honest I never look at the self-help aisle. I consider myself more of a sci-fi, comic book type. I like editing videos, playing video games, and other such "geek" activities.

This book has become a favorite of mine. Anything that inspires me is appreciated. I just finished it, and it has inspired me. It has allowed me to analyze how I treat a partner and what I expect from a healthy relationshp. Happiness is not a destination but a path.

One thing that I very much appreciate about it, is that it is written to-the-point. It gets the theory/concept across and moves on. It does not get lost in over explaining or flowery rhetoric. Awesome. Also, the way it conveys the information is great. It will use several methods and sometimes even take you back to the time of cavement. (seriously!)

Also, it inspires me to think. Sometimes I read chunks and put the book down. Like did you know(SPOILER ALERT) that the neural pathways in our brain are the same ones for joy AND guilt? And then it expands on that...

So good.
5 stars.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Maggie Houtz on August 16, 2011
Format: Paperback
I had started reading the book and wanted to return to it; and then a couple of weeks ago some dear friends of mine were going through an especially rough patch with their marriage. I was listening to the wife tell me about the latest blow-up they had and that she was practically ready to walk away from their marriage, it had gotten so bad. I mentioned to her that I had this book written by a friend & client that I thought she might like to check out, and since they might be looking for a therapist, perhaps it might give them an indication of whether they might want to inquire whether he would be open to seeing them as clients. I gave her the book and within a day she was raving to me that it completely spoke to both of them. I think they are still reading it so I might have to buy a copy to have for my own - I'm really wanting to get back in there and finish reading it!
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful By J. Rosen on September 19, 2011
Format: Paperback
Dr Bill Cloke is a practicing psychotherapist and his experience shines through in this rich exploration of the complicated landscape of relationships. Bill's a great guide ... wise, compassionate, non-judgmental ... in explaining the intricate workings of relationships, including why they often crash-and-burn and, more importantly, what makes them succeed. Whether you're in a new relationship or are a well-seasoned veteran, reading and assimilating the ideas and very practical suggestions in Happy Together can help you achieve a far deeper sense of connection and greater feelings of intimacy than you ever believed possible. I especially appreciated the thought-provoking end-of-chapter questions which you can reflect on yourself or discuss with your partner.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful By On the fence... on May 23, 2011
Format: Paperback
This is the most comprehensive book I have read regarding personal well-being and functioning happily within a relationship. Bill's unique and balanced approach challenges the reader by defining how to operate in a relationship from the perspective of developing the individual. It is a manual for living well and a must have encyclopedic reference for conflict resolution. Get this book!
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Aleshia Howell on December 19, 2011
Format: Paperback
I bought this book based on rave reviews, and I have to say that it has been an absolute saving grace for my relationship. I feel so lucky that this was my first port of call.

My fiance and I had been together for a very rocky year and a half with an extremely toxic start, and things had gotten to a point of no return. We were driving each other crazy and were both so unhappy. We had tried to talk about our issues on multiple occasions, but to no avail. And then we bought Happy Together (a copy for each of us), read each chapter on our own, emailed each other our responses to the questions at the end of each chapter, then discussed our responses together. Not all of these discussions were easy; we discovered that we had formed very bad communication habits, and at times these conversations ended in tears.

As we progressed through the book, we began to discover how our ingrained behaviors were contributing to our bad communication and our perceptions and reactions. It was especially helpful for us to create an ethical code for our relationship, which is discussed early in the book. We worked together to craft eight promises to each other about how we would treat each other based on our existing issues and vowed that we would obey them. When we emailed our responses at the end of each chapter, we first listed the promises detailed in our ethical code so that, even if the responses contained information that might be construed as hurtful, we understood that they were coming from a place of neutrality and love.

The book covers various issues which include expectations, relationship myth, communication, personal guilt and shame issues, sex, and conflict resolution. I think my fiance and I learned a lot about ourselves as well as each other.
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