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11,296 of 11,787 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Ideal Gift For Your Congressional Representatives
The reviews are so helpful. It is so difficult to be sure you are buying something over the internet that is exactley what you are searching for.
.
I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude.
Published 10 months ago by DeleriouslyHappyTaxPayer

versus
41,697 of 42,356 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate.
Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy...
Published 22 months ago by Christine E. Torok


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560 of 649 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Never buying this..., January 16, 2014
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
...simply based off the reviews. I have wasted hours reading the reviews on this product, and I must say, I haven't stopped crying and laughing long enough to call 911 for my broken ribs. This is by far and away the most fun reading anything that I've had in months, and I salute the innards of every poor soul that ate these with every ounce of respect I can give them for bringing me this hilarity. I thank you.
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405 of 468 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Customers who bought this also bought, January 21, 2014
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
Customers who bought this also bought:
Pepto-Bismol
4 pack of baby wipes
Stomach pump
Air Freshener
Coffee straws
Gatorade
Bullets
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85 of 95 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Mere Mortals Take Caution!, February 15, 2014
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
I must confess prior to this review that I am a skeptic, truly a natural doubter. I also find myself morbidly attracted to overcome obstacles where my fellow mortals have found themselves lacking.

I, like the other lost souls, ordered a 5 pound bag of this candy. Unlike others, however, I had total clarity as to the challenge I would confront and lacked no confidence in my ability to succeed where others had failed. I am a former member of the Navy and have both savored and endured bizarre and bacteria-ridden cuisines from the world over. These civilians with their tender bowels could were not the ideal testing grounds for any food item with a proven track record of rendering them dysfunctional. This was better left to the pros, like myself, who were skillfully trained by the government to endure the trials of war.

Upon receipt of these non-descript and innocent-looking gummy bears I formulated my plan. 25 down the hatch each 30 minutes until I dutifully reached 100. These things tasted good, quite good actually. I, however, knew the clandestine nature of these bad boys based off the other reviews so I was wary. All was well after the first, second, and third ingestion and then.....

Holy Chemical Concoctions Batman!!!! My years of specialized training were for naught...I experienced a pain from where my intestines were formally located as I am sure they are no longer here today. I cannot medically understand how a path of such pain and discomfort can run the some 25 feet of the large and small intestine but I am living proof that this is the case. I also believe that my pancreas shut down in the process but I have not been able to medically validate this.

At the 2 hour mark I moved by 220 pound frame to the toilet at a speed unrivaled by most Olympic sprinters...I mean that by the way. They say when your body is in distress you can do remarkable things (lift a car off a child, tear doors off hinges, fire excrement out of your backside with such force you actually elevate, etc...) and this was the case. I have never, and I mean NEVER experienced such a rapid evacuation of intestinal contents. The aftermath of bad seafood in Thailand, some cow urine blend in the Morocco, or simple tap water consumption in Mexico absolutely paled in comparison.

I spent almost 2 hours, in various positions in, around, and above the toilet, and managed to double the normal monthly water and sewage bill of my household in that same period. I also can attest to the stench. I am not a chemist by education but have concluded that the Taliban-formulated sugar substitute utilized in these bears somehow instantly combines and interacts at the molecular level with existing intestinal contents to create a foul odor that no human, or Lord of the Rings character, would ever have reason to experience. I would suffice it to say that 2 months later my nose hair refuses to grow back and I am unable to discern between the smell of roses and acrid smoke rising from burning oil.

They say that necessity is the mother of invention and I believe events such as these do not have adjectives that can sufficiently describe the pain, discomfort, smell, or general decimation these bears generate when introduced into the fragile ecosystem known as the "gut". I believe other reviews have attempted this with great success but a meeting with the folks at Webster's Dictionary is merited to generate and define new adjectives to define this experience.

In summary, I did the Navy proud in attempting to do what others could not. I failed. As a loyal citizen, and test subject of some evil German plot, to take over the world via Gummy Bears in the intestinal tract, I do offer this one humble learning to those in power in the government. There is no need for any type of enhanced interrogation of any enemy combatants as a non-descript but fundamentally evil company has created a "food item" that would have anyone confessing to anything in 2 hours or less and thus save the taxpayers countless millions.

As the movie said..."Be scared. Very very scared!" (And pay heed to this formula. The pleasure of ingestion is inversely proportional, multiplied by the dollar value of the national debt of the U.S., to the discomfort of the digestion and expulsion of these insidious covert operators.)
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232 of 267 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!, January 11, 2014
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
Being on low carb diet I bought these so I could have my candy and eat it to, guilt free. They taste totally awesome and you really cannot eat just one or even the suggested serving. I have an iron stomach and thought it can't be that bad despite the warning.
I ate several handfuls so probably about 100 of these things at one time. I wasn't prepared for what was to come. I had later gone on my morning walk. I felt bloating in my stomach and thought nothing of it until I started to fart!! I'm not talking about little poots. I'm talking THUNDER FARTS from the pits of hell!! I couldn't take but 10 steps on my walk before another violent explosion of gas erupted from my colon!! These were so loud the other joggers I know had to hear them. It was non stop and the churning going on inside my gut was beyond anything I experienced. I thought for sure some evil demon spawn was fixin to bust through my stomach!!! I was laughing so hard form the constant extremely loud and explosive gas explosions. You know the old saying.. "It's All S***s and Giggles Until Somebody Giggles and S***s!!! That was next!! The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart!!! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn't run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! I made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante's Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! I would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to "go" you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet. I sure had a colon cleanse and full boxy detox of the likes unimaginable as I couldn't believe that much was inside me!!! and all and what that came out of me!!! Then when I got up to flush I noticed rainbow colored splatter inside the bowl. The gummi bears started coming out just as they went down.. Chewed and not even digested!!! I did wind up eating and finishing the bag although at much lower amounts. I had an awful lot of fun if you know what I mean. I knew just how many to eat and not have an "accident". If you get embarrassed by flatulence these are not for you. If you really want to play a joke on friend, although they may not be your friend after you give them these!! It's well worth the laugh. I give this a 5 star for the taste.. AWESOME and also 5 stars for the experience which I'm still laughing about.
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779 of 907 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Never Assume, January 10, 2014
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
In the 32 years I have existed on this planet I have never once thought to myself that I may want to read up on any type of sugar-free candy prior to consuming. I have also never found any candy that should by law, be required to come with a warning label that is at LEAST 10 times larger then it's bag!
I purchased this rainbow colored bag of Damn bears at a local grocery store while on my lunch break. Nothing could possibly lead me to believe that this purchase would ever have any lasting impact on my life aside from maybe a few minutes of delicious enjoyment that could possibly lead to me purchasing these again. Now I must admit the bags were on clearance but since it was just after the holiday season I assumed the lowered price a due to overstock. As they tell you NEVER ASSUME!
Seeing as I am a patrol officer I am required to not only be inside my vehicle for 90% of my shift, but I am expected to be 100% aware of my surroundings throughout my drive. I also choose my snacks based on cleanliness and convenience seeing as I share my vehicle with another officer and have little time to consume a proper meal.
I am a firm believer that if divine intervention were a real thing, that upon the rustle of the bag's plastic as I began to open them , a bolt of lighting would have shot through the windshield or at least the open passenger's side window; stopping me before I opened the bag and consumed even one bear. Honestly I'd later that day come to realize that I'd of gladly given up an entire limb to have avoided eaten them.
None the less the bag was opened, a delightfully fruity aroma filled the car. As I began to eat them I was popping them in one at a time and their deliciousness increased the delivery to roughly four at a time. Before I had even made it out of the store's parking lot I had eaten a quarter of the bag.
I begin my afternoon rounds which consists of ereal gate communities that have maximum speed limits of 20mph and have as of yet ever required more then me talking to the residents and once I helped captured a dog who was evading its owner. Slowly I drive though my first two communities. All the while enjoying the gummi bears. Once I got to the last of the gates I realized that half the bag was gone and decided that I should stop. Even considered that my children would enjoy them upon my return home. I begin to punch in the four digit code to open the gate... "4, 7"..... suddenly my stomach makes a noise that could only be described as an elephant with a trumpet playing into a megaphone..... then a shift of my insides that hit harder then anything I'd ever felt even during the two times I had GIVEN BIRTH.... WHEN SOMETHING WAS LITERALLY SHIFTING INSIDE OF ME!
I did not punch in the last two digits. All I could do.... all that my instincts and training had taught me to do.... I threw on my lights and sirens and put my car in reverse as I was already beginning to accelerate with my foot. I swear I nearly exceeded 30mph in reverse just to make it to the main road immediately. I had 2.7miles to make it to the nearest public restroom. Lights and sirens on I traveled at 80mph as I heaved through traffic and pulled into that ENMARK Station nearby. When I went running from my car and into the station I took no notice of the fully packed pumping area or the 15 or so people inside. I was too busy trying to squeeze my butt cheeks together and still maintain running.
Fast forward through what I will call the S***-POCALYPSE and a good 40minutes of my life I will never forget, I am faced with walking through the crowd of people that had collected due to my very fast and dramatic entrance. Apparently the assumption was there was a criminal type in the bathroom who I was arresting. Since I went in and came out alone I could not justify that rumor. I instead stated everything was ok with the words "false alarm" and didn't think of how cruelly ridiculous that must of sounded till I was back in my patrol car and saw that I had missed 3 calls and it was now 10minutes after my shifts end.
Another fast forward I immediately went home and searched the internet for some means of communication that I could find to contact and seriously scream at the makers of these hellish bears. That took me three hours due to several other bathroom trips. And upon searching was brought to AMAZON where I began to read all the other horrible stories these bears have caused for others.
I made it my solemn oath to never again buy clearance candy until I thoroughly investigated it on the internet. And to only then purchase it from Amazon after I had read all other reviews carefully.
I learned a valuable life lesson that day.... and my coworker did as well the next day since he ate the leftover bag of bears I had accidentally left in the patrol car after my shift.
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883 of 1,029 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars You dont understand., November 19, 2013
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
No. I see you considering purchasing these. A fun little prank to play on your digestional tract.

These are Satan. Bears.
Myself and a few buddys, after laughing about some reviews, decided to buy some. Weapon storage was all it was. The package came a few days later, amd we chuckled and tried some.

These mother frickers are fabulous. The taste is like having a package of skittles pee on your tastebuds. Truly astounding. So, as they are delicious, I decided to eat a few more. And then some more. Nothing really happened that night. A little bloating, some discomfort, nothing to fret about. So, praising the nine that I must have been one who can tolerate the sugar substitute, when i got to work the next day, i sat down with a bowl and chowed down.

That night. Oh God forgive that night.

I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.

When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.

Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.
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1,197 of 1,397 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars From Challenge to Outcast in less than two pounds., December 7, 2013
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
I originally bought a large bag of these at a local market after a diabetic friend moved into a new apartment and the house warming party was mostly "bring him food so the poor bachelor doesn't starve" based.

His small one bedroom, one bathroom, and maybe half a living room and kitchen place was stocked. to. the. brim by the end of the night. Not hard, considering there are one car garages larger than his place (love you, Jordan, nothing personal).

Anyway, with alcohol flowing, snacks abounding, and happy feelings flying, a few of us decided to experiment with the mostly untouched sugarfree/low sugar treats. Muffins became sandwich bread, an apple or two got hollowed out badly and recapped full with booze, werthers tossed around like finger footballs, tame little ideas. And then...the bag appeared. Unopened. Full of innocent looking gummies, little bears like the teddy bears we all hugged to us at night as children.

"It must be opened", we said.
"It must be eaten", we said.
Like Everest, the bag sat before us, challenging our gummy chewing abilities with its bouncy, fruity bear-faces.
We were unafraid. (we were 'something' all right...)
"Remember those giant 5 lb single gummy bears?", one of us asked.
"That would be so awesome.", someone replied.
"This place has glass bowls", the genius of the group responded.

And thus, ended the life of the writer. At least the social life.

For melt those bears we did. Like butter in the newly minted microwave, at 10 second intervals...10 seconds by 10 seconds closer to an unexpected doom.
A challenge from the crowd appeared. "How much do you think you can get down in 30 seconds?"
"By myself?"
"Pansy. Fine, a race to the finish? You and me, right here, right now. Last one done has to pick up trash."
"You're on."

The first bite when it cooled was delicious. The slow, short cooking had enabled most of the gumminess to remain without becoming goop. Slowly but surely I filled my stomach full of formerly-bear glop, not bothering to fully chew. I would win this. And then I would "accidentally" knock over the trash can. Take that.

And I did. I won. True, he only quit mere bites before I did, but it was victory none-the-less. Stubborn-ness had me achieving victory, and victory tasted like multi-flavored chewy bears, and it was sweet.

And the party continued.
And the booze and talk continued.
And the food and fun continued.
And I stopped.
And walked...breathing through the pain ever so calmly to the door of the one bathroom in this shiny new apartment.
And knocked...ever so politely.
And I heard what I can only describe as a hippo mating under water with a sperm whale while someone in the background is being beaten in time with the rhythm.
It Scared me.
And then I smelled it, and the only thing I can compare it to is when female berthing had a sewage back-up after taco night. 65 females, 3 toilets, and not nearly enough ventilation. I imagine it smells a lot like dead bodies covered in four day old spoiled milk.
It Horrified me.
And then I FELT it, that first squeek of release followed by massive stomach cramping and sudden, frantic prayers.
One bathroom.
One toilet.
And it was being used by the man I had beaten fair and square not two hours earlier. And he didn't sound like he was getting up.
I needed in there.
And a second squeek was felt.
And then I didn't care about the toilet. I just couldn't be seen while this was happening.
I banged on the neighbors door. No answer.
I lived an hour away and if I bent into a car this would be over and No Car Cleaner On Earth could fix it.
No shrubbery to hide behind.
No gas station close by.
I knocked on the bathroom door, once again. I instructed him to "Open the door, I don't care. PLEASE."
Because while he may not have a second toilet, he did have a shower stall.

Now a days I live a quiet life, with my cats Beezle, Tom, and Finklemyer. As a social outcast I now have all the time in the world to sit on my toilet. And I do. Just in case. The cats have 3 litterboxes as well, just in case.
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996 of 1,163 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Perfect Snack for Chemo Patient!, November 23, 2013
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
Almost four years ago, I began chemotherapy for what we thought was Stage II breast cancer. I'd been through the hell of a mastectomy, the beginnings of reconstruction and now had to do chemo. Okay, I am strong, I can do this. I finished my six rounds of "TCH" and soon after, discovered, horrified, that cancer had spread to my liver. I am now terminal. I will now be on therapy forever - my very short forever.

You may think, thanks to TV and the movies, that the #1 side effect of chemo is nausea and vomiting but, my friends, you would be wrong. The number #1 side effect is constipation. The chemo drugs of today's era don't affect your upper GI tract. Just the lower. During the first year of chemo, you can kind of control the slowing of your bowel motility by drinking a ton of water and eating all high fiber foods, but as you time goes by, painkillers get added to your drug regimen and you get more tired, you can no longer do things naturally. You start buying Miralax, Senekot, Senekot S, Colace, and you experiment with dosages the hopes that you can move your bowels and not cause even more GI pain than necessary.

So, was I surprised to find these reviews and discover what so many of you already have learned! These sweet, gem-like candies that taste so good can also loosen up your bowels. Since I only have a taste for candy these days anyway, this is my new solution. No more mixing Miralax into water each night, taking Senekot pils by day, nor more withholding pain meds until something - anything happens. Now, I just turn on the TV, nibble on some friendly little bears, and reverse what four years of chemo and opiates have done to my colon. I do not have the proper dose yet - the one that for me will loosen me up without causing c-diff like explosions. I believe it's between 6 and 10 bears. With five pounds, I have enough medicine to last me a very long time.
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701 of 817 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Sugar-free Gummy Candy Diet, January 9, 2014
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
I LOST 26 LBS ON THIS DIET! These bears cleaned out my system entirely.

watch out for hemorrhoids and don't consume with Indian cuisine.
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125 of 142 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Perfect revenge, January 19, 2014
This review is from: Haribo Gummi Bears Sugar Free 5lb Bag (Grocery)
There is a guy in our office who comes to work early each morning and rifles through everyone's desk. Anything he finds to eat he takes. After losing a number of snacks I read about these and ordered some. I left the entire 5 pound sack in my desk. I came in the next morning and they were gone. An hour later so was he. I understand he had eaten more than half the bag and didn't leave the company restroom until well after midnight. We didn't see him again for three days.
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