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I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality [Kindle Edition]

Jerold J. Kreisman MD , Hal Straus
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (151 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $16.00
Kindle Price: $8.59
You Save: $7.41 (46%)
Sold by: Penguin Group (USA) LLC

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Book Description

A revised and updated edition of the bestselling guide to understanding borderline personality disorder.

After more than two decades as the essential guide to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), this new edition now reflects the most up- to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder as well as connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, ADHD, and eating disorders.

Both pharmacological and psychotherapeutic advancements point to real hope for success in the treatment and understanding of BPD.

This expanded and revised edition remains as accessible and useful as its predecessor and will reestablish this book as the go-to source for those diagnosed with BPD, their family, friends, and colleagues, as well as professionals and students in the field.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) has been in the official psychiatric lexicon only since 1980. "Borderlines," according to the authors, are people who suffer from a weak sense of identity and a fear of abandonment; given to rapid mood swings, impulsive self-destructiveness and violent outbursts, they frequently have family backgrounds marked by alcoholism, child abuse or emotional distance. Kreisman, a psychiatrist who heads a BPD unit in a St. Louis hospital, and health writer Straus, speculate that the BPD diagnosis might be applicable to Marilyn Monroe, Adolph Hitler, T. E. Lawrence and Muammar al Qaddafi. They claim that BPD afflicts over 10 million Americans and is the most common disorder among hospitalized mental patients. This clinically written primer leaves the reader with the impression that BPD syndrome is a catchall category.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc.


"...a book that may save you a lot of time and wasted, misguided pain in dealing with a loved one (with Borderline Personality Disorder)."

"...a good resource for professionals and families, because it provides therapists with concrete ideas to incorporate both instruction and hope into their practice by providing patients and their families suggestions in simple, non-condescending language. It is by far the best book on the market on BPD."
-Anita Biase,

Product Details

  • File Size: 513 KB
  • Print Length: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Perigee; Rev Upd edition (December 7, 2010)
  • Sold by: Penguin Group (USA) LLC
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0046ECFIG
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #8,751 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
100 of 109 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars excellent December 30, 2010
This is a great book if you are dealing with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder

You may not know you are. But if you know a person who sees you as all good and then all bad, smothers you one minute and rejects you the next, and has shaky identity, they likely have BPD. People who have this problem often grew up in abusive situations and never learned to form healthy attachments. They crave relationships but can't tolerate them when they materialize.***

I know therapists who treat only a limited number of people with this disorder: they are the hardest to work with because their symptoms can be so contradictory. These people can suck dry even the most skilled and compassionate clinician. Imagine how hard it is for a layperson.

'But people with BPD can get better, and that is where this book comes in. Your are not going to cure them, but by consistency, limit setting and other tools this book outlines, you can live, love and work with them if you want or have to.

***No. Not all single men have BPD.
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46 of 49 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book .............. May 8, 2013
By Jim
First, my degrees are in Pscyhology and Sociology, but we had not studied Borderline Personality Disorders. However, when my wife was diagnosed as being borderline, they suggested this book. I would have sworn, they followed her around and just made notes as they wrote the book. The accuracy of the issues, problems, behaviors, etc.... were spot on. Ironcially, all of the things they suggest in how to handle a borderline, were what I was doing. It reinforced to keep doing them, which did help over the long run. It can be hell, and this helped me understand it much better. It also helps people keep their "perspective" about things, and to not get sucked in at the same time.

It should be mandatory reading for anyone dealing with a person who has a borderline personality disorder.
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61 of 67 people found the following review helpful
Format:Audible Audio Edition|Verified Purchase
Good audio performance--excellent narration. The problem is the content; it's just dry and very "medical" (and I'm saying that as a doctor). Two views of BPD can be categorized as either medical or psychosocial. I think the psychosocial view provides a better understanding that helps nonBPDs understand what they are dealing with. With all due respect for this book as the classic, I think "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is better, and I also recommend Engel's "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" which has a large section on BPD and other personality disorders and very excellent practical tools.
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39 of 44 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful, Relieving, and Informative July 27, 2011
This book caught my attention by the title. I am a sufferer of BPD and "I hate you - don't leave me" are words I find myself speaking frequently without really understanding why. This book explains the symptoms and causes of BPD, as well as healing and treatment. I am so glad I found this book!
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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Exteremely Informative October 7, 2013
By David
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This was suggested to me by a counselor. My wife and I went to a marriage counselor 4 times before she stopped going because it wasn't her priority. I recently started going back to the counselor on my own in an attempt to get advise on how to communicate and interact with my wife when she has sudden and unexplained outbursts of anger, irrational accusations and contradicting arguments. I just finished reading the book and was amazed at how similar the content was to what I have been subjected to and experiencing.

The chapter discussing how to communicate with a BPD person was very informative and I've attepted to apply the method but my wife insists everyone is ganging up on her, stabbing her in the back and that she can't trust anyone... even me. She refuses to acept any responsiblity for her behavior.

One thing that has become very clear to me after reading this book is that until a BPD person acepts responsibility for the things they say and do and that it's not everyone else, it will always be a struggle. My greatest fear is the potential impact on our daughters as they grow up and witness their mother's unexplained outbursts.

Very informative and worth reading for anyone who is on the receiving end of unexplained and unpredictable outbursts of anger/rage, unexplained accusations, manipulative comments, and attempts to make you feel like you're always the problem.
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19 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely Love This-1 of the Few REAL BPD Books November 13, 2013
I've been diagnosed with BPD and (c)PTSD since i was in my teens. and over, and over, and then once more. this is one of the few books on BPD i actually really like, or love even, because it actually talks about borderline as it REALLY is.

we are not evil people, nor are we narcissistic.

this book is perfect -to me- because they don't make BPD into a "walking on egg shells" issue. which it may be to some family and friends, but, i (most bpd) try to go over the top and beyond for others in a good way. we fear rejection and the most simple (to you) things such as eye movement at "wrong" (to me) time can mean rejection and fear, thus the wall falls and anger is my wall.

there is so much more detail to who we are, i am not the spokesman for BPD but speaking for myself there are so many things i wish i could do and/or change about who i am both within BPD and outside of it. i don't wish to be like this, and i think this book shows very well the reasons and gives amazing details and comparisons so non-BPD people can hopefully understand us a bit more.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book. Pretty informative and detailed
Great book. Pretty informative and detailed. Wouldve liked it if it was longer and had a bit more information.
Published 4 days ago by cin
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Very informative book!
Published 4 days ago by Sue Scionka
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Published 6 days ago by Momo
4.0 out of 5 stars Inside The Mind
Good book. Lets you know the real deal with the crazy person in you're life.
Published 8 days ago by Shadrock
5.0 out of 5 stars Still the definitive book
Many have tried, but none come close to this book about Borderline Personality Disorder. Filled with case studies and science to back it up, this book remains the "go-to"... Read more
Published 12 days ago by R. Dawson
5.0 out of 5 stars Knowledge Is Power
Knowledge is Power and this book helps people understand the difference between BPD and other mental problems, I have a TBI and suffer from PSTD all together and this is a great... Read more
Published 19 days ago by Loran G. Glasco
5.0 out of 5 stars i hate you - don't leave me
Very good book I read years ago. I sent this one to a friend. It is an excellent book on Borderline Personality Disorder.
Published 23 days ago by Max Haught
5.0 out of 5 stars wish I had known about this 2 years ago, never heard of borderline...
could have saved a lot of money and grief, the money I don't care about, the grief was bad.
book pretty well written,
the explosions I could not understand, treated my... Read more
Published 25 days ago by steve ypsi mi
5.0 out of 5 stars Profound
This book helped me relate to a family member with BPD. The communication methods described in this book are good and applicable to anyone anywhere, BPD or otherwise. Read more
Published 26 days ago by George Scott
2.0 out of 5 stars Good, but perspective is from the outside looking in
I am a recovering borderline, and very few therapists and very few books have been of much use to me. I did get some good from this book, although it is outdated. Read more
Published 28 days ago by Charlie
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