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166 Reviews
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111 of 120 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars excellent
This is a great book if you are dealing with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder

You may not know you are. But if you know a person who sees you as all good and then all bad, smothers you one minute and rejects you the next, and has shaky identity, they likely have BPD. People who have this problem often grew up in abusive situations and never...
Published on December 30, 2010 by Bill Your 'Free Form FM Print DJ

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68 of 76 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good audio performance; book is ok, but I think "Stop Walking on Eggshells" & "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" are better
Good audio performance--excellent narration. The problem is the content; it's just dry and very "medical" (and I'm saying that as a doctor). Two views of BPD can be categorized as either medical or psychosocial. I think the psychosocial view provides a better understanding that helps nonBPDs understand what they are dealing with. With all due respect for this book as the...
Published on April 29, 2012 by Dr. Vasquez


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111 of 120 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars excellent, December 30, 2010
This review is from: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
This is a great book if you are dealing with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder

You may not know you are. But if you know a person who sees you as all good and then all bad, smothers you one minute and rejects you the next, and has shaky identity, they likely have BPD. People who have this problem often grew up in abusive situations and never learned to form healthy attachments. They crave relationships but can't tolerate them when they materialize.***

I know therapists who treat only a limited number of people with this disorder: they are the hardest to work with because their symptoms can be so contradictory. These people can suck dry even the most skilled and compassionate clinician. Imagine how hard it is for a layperson.

'But people with BPD can get better, and that is where this book comes in. Your are not going to cure them, but by consistency, limit setting and other tools this book outlines, you can live, love and work with them if you want or have to.

***No. Not all single men have BPD.
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55 of 58 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book .............., May 8, 2013
This review is from: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
First, my degrees are in Pscyhology and Sociology, but we had not studied Borderline Personality Disorders. However, when my wife was diagnosed as being borderline, they suggested this book. I would have sworn, they followed her around and just made notes as they wrote the book. The accuracy of the issues, problems, behaviors, etc.... were spot on. Ironcially, all of the things they suggest in how to handle a borderline, were what I was doing. It reinforced to keep doing them, which did help over the long run. It can be hell, and this helped me understand it much better. It also helps people keep their "perspective" about things, and to not get sucked in at the same time.

It should be mandatory reading for anyone dealing with a person who has a borderline personality disorder.
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68 of 76 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good audio performance; book is ok, but I think "Stop Walking on Eggshells" & "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" are better, April 29, 2012
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Good audio performance--excellent narration. The problem is the content; it's just dry and very "medical" (and I'm saying that as a doctor). Two views of BPD can be categorized as either medical or psychosocial. I think the psychosocial view provides a better understanding that helps nonBPDs understand what they are dealing with. With all due respect for this book as the classic, I think "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is better, and I also recommend Engel's "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" which has a large section on BPD and other personality disorders and very excellent practical tools.
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33 of 36 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Exteremely Informative, October 7, 2013
By 
David (Fort Worth, TX) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
This was suggested to me by a counselor. My wife and I went to a marriage counselor 4 times before she stopped going because it wasn't her priority. I recently started going back to the counselor on my own in an attempt to get advise on how to communicate and interact with my wife when she has sudden and unexplained outbursts of anger, irrational accusations and contradicting arguments. I just finished reading the book and was amazed at how similar the content was to what I have been subjected to and experiencing.

The chapter discussing how to communicate with a BPD person was very informative and I've attepted to apply the method but my wife insists everyone is ganging up on her, stabbing her in the back and that she can't trust anyone... even me. She refuses to acept any responsiblity for her behavior.

One thing that has become very clear to me after reading this book is that until a BPD person acepts responsibility for the things they say and do and that it's not everyone else, it will always be a struggle. My greatest fear is the potential impact on our daughters as they grow up and witness their mother's unexplained outbursts.

Very informative and worth reading for anyone who is on the receiving end of unexplained and unpredictable outbursts of anger/rage, unexplained accusations, manipulative comments, and attempts to make you feel like you're always the problem.
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24 of 26 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely Love This-1 of the Few REAL BPD Books, November 13, 2013
This review is from: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
I've been diagnosed with BPD and (c)PTSD since i was in my teens. and over, and over, and then once more. this is one of the few books on BPD i actually really like, or love even, because it actually talks about borderline as it REALLY is.

we are not evil people, nor are we narcissistic.

this book is perfect -to me- because they don't make BPD into a "walking on egg shells" issue. which it may be to some family and friends, but, i (most bpd) try to go over the top and beyond for others in a good way. we fear rejection and the most simple (to you) things such as eye movement at "wrong" (to me) time can mean rejection and fear, thus the wall falls and anger is my wall.

there is so much more detail to who we are, i am not the spokesman for BPD but speaking for myself there are so many things i wish i could do and/or change about who i am both within BPD and outside of it. i don't wish to be like this, and i think this book shows very well the reasons and gives amazing details and comparisons so non-BPD people can hopefully understand us a bit more.
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40 of 46 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful, Relieving, and Informative, July 27, 2011
This review is from: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
This book caught my attention by the title. I am a sufferer of BPD and "I hate you - don't leave me" are words I find myself speaking frequently without really understanding why. This book explains the symptoms and causes of BPD, as well as healing and treatment. I am so glad I found this book!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Life altering, March 14, 2014
By 
Carly Kalkauski (LUDINGTON, MI, US) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
Of all the mental health books I have read, this one has touched me the most. I consumed it quickly at first, turning each page and expecting it to falter but rarely finding it inaccurate. Then I immediately reread it, this time slowly digesting sections, marking it with reckless abandon.

This book was recommended to me by my therapist. After years of dealing with a mental health system that had no idea what was going on with me and throwing an endless train of prescriptions my way, it was so incredibly relieving to encounter someone who not only recognized why I behaved the way I was but what resource I could read in order to understand it clearly myself.

If you indeed have a borderline personality, this book may leave a bad taste in your mouth at first. It depends on where you are in terms of seeking treatment. I had long since accepted that something wasn't quite right inside of me and that I would have to dig deep, examining the nasty bits of myself unflinchingly, in order to lead a more happy, productive life. If you are willing to accept that you are at least vaguely in control of your impulsiveness, mood swings or fears of abandonment then you should read this book.

If you know of someone who one day treats you as if you are their savior but then the next turns their back on you and demands you to fulfill some sort of "test" to prove you do care about them, you may also learn a great deal about why they act the way they do from this book in addition to how to behave when their disorders rears it's ugly head.

Whether it is you or a loved one who suffers from this often confusing disorder, I Hate You - Don't Leave Me will explain to you with great sensitivity but simultaneously very clearly the many facets of borderline personality as well as how to react to it, whether it is you who must banish the demons or your child/lover/friend who sometimes hurts you with them.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect title, January 4, 2014
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This review is from: I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
This was my life for at least the last 20 yrs. I knew he had to hate me from the way he looked at me and treated me. However, when I finally left, he was so upset he lost it! I thought he wanted me to leave. I thought he would be relieved that I left. But not so. This explains it all. Thank you!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It was me from start to finish .., March 3, 2014
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I am a borderline. The book scared me, gave me hope, made me mad, and now I'm confused as to what to do with my life. I have already started implementing of the things in it. And they have worked. I am happy to know that it's not just me.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Boring, June 21, 2013
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I was expecting much more about this book.... It was just like a huge dictionary about BPD, nothing more. Doesnt help much.
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I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
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