I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality [Mass Market Paperback]

Jerold J. Kreisman (Author), Hal Strauss (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 1, 1991

People with Borderline Personality Disorder experience such violent and frightening mood swings that they often fear for their sanity. They can be euphoric one moment, despairing and depressed the next. They show symptoms such as: a shaky sense of identity; sudden violent outbursts; oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection; brief, turbulent love affairs; frequent periods of intense depression; eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies; an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone. For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But now, for the first time, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families to understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) has been in the official psychiatric lexicon only since 1980. "Borderlines," according to the authors, are people who suffer from a weak sense of identity and a fear of abandonment; given to rapid mood swings, impulsive self-destructiveness and violent outbursts, they frequently have family backgrounds marked by alcoholism, child abuse or emotional distance. Kreisman, a psychiatrist who heads a BPD unit in a St. Louis hospital, and health writer Straus, speculate that the BPD diagnosis might be applicable to Marilyn Monroe, Adolph Hitler, T. E. Lawrence and Muammar al Qaddafi. They claim that BPD afflicts over 10 million Americans and is the most common disorder among hospitalized mental patients. This clinically written primer leaves the reader with the impression that BPD syndrome is a catchall category.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"...a book that may save you a lot of time and wasted, misguided pain in dealing with a loved one (with Borderline Personality Disorder)."
-SystemsThinker.com

"...a good resource for professionals and families, because it provides therapists with concrete ideas to incorporate both instruction and hope into their practice by providing patients and their families suggestions in simple, non-condescending language. It is by far the best book on the market on BPD."
-Anita Biase, strugglingteens.com --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Avon (February 1, 1991)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0380713055
• ISBN-13: 978-0380713059
• Product Dimensions: 6.7 x 4.2 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (167 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #40,897 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #2 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Mental Health > Mood Disorders
  • #17 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Love & Romance
  • #23 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Parenting & Families > Family Health

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

472 of 499 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Don't pick this as your first BPD book!, June 16, 2000

By 

Patty E. Fleener "Webowner - Mental Health Today" (Oregon) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Mass Market Paperback)

I am Patty Pheil of Borderline Personality Disorder Today. This book, as far as I know is the first book about the BPD written for the consumer. The book in and of itself is excellent and filled with good information. However, many borderlines have felt suicidal after reading this book if this is the first book they read about the BPD. Why? Simply because this book was written awhile back before much was known about how certain medications can be extremely helpful with many of the BPD symptoms such as rage, depression, mood swings, etc. Therefore the book was written with good information but the aspect of hope and recovery is not in this book. One feels hopeless after reading this book. This was the first book I read about the BPD and that is how I felt - more disturbed and hopeless. This is not the author's fault however. He simply wrote the book at a time where there wasn't much known about treatment. It would be great to have this great information along with the new drug treatment in a new edition.

360 of 386 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I would give this book 6 stars if I could. Great book on BPD, November 30, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Mass Market Paperback)

I found this book to be very useful in helping me understand the behavior of a woman with whom I was involved. It was recommended to me by my therapist who was treating me for depression because of the traumatic relationship I had with a borderline.

Kreisman and Straus do an excellent job of explaining the root causes, behaviors, and treatment of the disorder as well as coping skills for dealing with a person with BPD. Although the relationship was turbulent and ended disastrously, I found a great deal of comfort in the book because it explained how and why a borderline behaves the she does. I learned that I indeed had narcissistic tendencies which drew me toward women with clinging and idealizing behavior, but then devaluating and vengeful behavior. Basically I was involved in a hostile/dependent ( narcissistic / borderline ) relationship. It made me take a serious look at my self. I also have learned to be a lot more cautious about who I relate with in my life.

Borderlines are not evil, just very vengeful and scared people. If you are involved in any capacity with someone who exhibits primitive idealization, devaluation, omnipotence, projection, or projective identification and seems irrational, this person may have BPD. This book will help you learn principles to help cope with a borderline. I sure wish I had access to it when I was involved with one.

I think this is among the books which have had the most positive impact on my life. This book will help you identify and understand borderline behavior as well as cope with those who are afflicted with this misunderstood and painful disorder. I hope you will find it useful as I have.

109 of 113 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Great Help, February 3, 2002

By 

Wendy Kaplan (Houston) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Mass Market Paperback)

Before I begin, let me say that I do not suffer from BPD, and can only guess at the anguish associated with this disorder. I have noticed that several BPD sufferers have great issue with this book, and I thoroughly respect that.

For me, however, it was an enormous help. I found it recommended on a website with information on Borderline Personality Disorder. I had just ended a very painful and confusing relationship with a person I suspected might have BPD, and I wanted more information as a layperson, to heal myself, not him (it was too late in our relationship for that). I had experienced the "I hate you, don't leave me" syndrome with him repeatedly, until finally it became simply "I hate you." I was doubting myself, confused, angry, hurt--the works.

This book put things in perspective for me in a way I could understand. I am philosophically opposed to "self-help" books, but in this case, I used the book as a tool to help me heal from my failed relationship. My copy of this book is dogeared, underlined, there are my comments scribbled in the margins, and notes to myself are on the endflaps. Recently, I dug out the book and reread it. I still found it an enormous and enlightening help.

Therefore, I recommend the book highly to those who need a place to begin in understanding BPD. It is too simplistic to be exhaustive, but it provides enough information, for me at least, to know where to go to seek more depth.