Customer Reviews

Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You? (Second Edition)

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

For me this book is one of the most profound and important books I have ever read about relationships and communication. Although it is written as a book about marital relationships, it has implications for every kind of relationship, and not only intimate or dyadic ones. And, although it is written as a pop psychology book, I think it makes a real contribution to the social-scientific understanding of relationships and communication -- that is, it stands up well as a general model of communication and relationship. I think it is a great book and would be of great value not only to those trying to solve relationship problems but to those wanting to understand the ways in which self and relationship are intertwined in general. It illuminates all of the areas of one's life in which one communicates with others and, as another reader said, can be as valuable for understanding past relationships as for dealing with present ones.

I am currently separated and have been for 2 years. I am hopeful to get my wife to read this book as it has made a great change in my life. It has very good exercises to practice with the one you love. I pray that I get the opportunity. We all have fears about our marriage relationship and what will cause its demise. Sometimes it is caused by our inability to convey how we feel about issues in a non attacking or controlling way. It has helped me to admit to myself that sometimes I try to control my situation by controlling my wife's reactions sometimes on purpose other times just by the anger or frustration in certain situations. This book is a good resource to confront our own problems first and then hopefully get together with the woman we love and put our fears to rest and have a meeting of the minds through true openess of our frustrations and fears in a constructive way.

Thanks to the authors.

This book has really come to the rescue in my life. I am 24 and my partner 21. We've been together 8 months and started having conflicts after moving in together about 2 months ago. After a big fight one day, she brought this book home and we agreed to read it together every day.

Since then, there's been a massive change for us. A difficult change too, but so worthwhile. Margie and Jordan are really great people, and they make the book funny, informative and loving, but strong enough to shake you up. It's just so great... learning to learn is difficult, but ultimately incredibly rewarding. 1000 stars!

If you are having conflicts in your relationship, I cannot recommend a better book for helping understand your own reactions to your partner's behavior. This book shed enormous light on my relationship. That relationship ultimately fell apart, but this book helped me to understand why.

Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? by Dr Margaret Paul played a decisive role in the early stages of my relationship with my life partner. The idea of moving beyond "right/wrong" posturing and adopting an attitude of learning allowed us to hear each other in ways we had not been able to hear others who had been important to us in the past.

There are three of you in a marriage. YOU, ME and US. All three need to be happy. This book can get you there. It saved our marriage.

I often find that when I return to this book I uncover something that I've forgotten, and this allows me to open up and become softer with my parner.

this book is still relevant.

This book speaks to the co-dependants of the world beautifully. It is an easy read and it makes sense to anyone. I would highly recommend it. Also, if you like this subject check out Pea Meadly Book Facing Co-Dependancy.

This book has helped me to put into practice the ideas of:

1) Everything is either an act of love or a call for it (ACIM)
2) All we are ever saying is please or thank you (NVC)

by thinking in terms of:
3) All intentions behind our behaviour is either to protect or to learn.

It makes a convincing case that controlling, pleasing and distancing are methods of protecting oneself from painful feelings of being reminded of being unloved (unseen, unaccepted, unsupported) in the past. As a result, I find myself much less inclined to judge a person, and if I do, I know that I am protecting myself.

I have recommended this to several clients, as well as found it helpful myself in conceptualizing the conflicts I see occurring in the couples that I see professionally. They often find it useful, and the Pauls are effective in presenting what could be complex psychological processes in clear, non-technical language that the general public can understand and incorporate into their day to day lives and relationships. Should be on the bookshelf of any clinician who works with couples.