Customer Reviews

Ace Hawkins and the Wrath of Santa Claus

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No, the North Pole will never be the same. From the time our unlikely hero Ace Hawkins steps off the tracked sled amid factory-domes with "smoke stacks belching flames" and guards with M-16s, all treasured legends of Santa Claus and his happy elves are bashed. As if run through the warped contraptions that abound in the reinvented North Pole of Ace Hawkins and the Wrath of Santa Claus, favorite traditions of jolly Santa with his friendly, industrious elves are crushed and shredded, but never wholly disappear. They just come out distorted and prone toward evil.

Ace is one of those solitary figures, the mysterious adventurer--strapped with double-barreled shotgun, semiautomatics, and a razor-sharp katana--that you're never quite sure about. He comes to Santa's palace because Santa (an emaciated man who sits behind a massive desk worrying about competition from Taiwanese toy manufacturers and profits in Swedish mafia drug trafficking) offers a suitcase of gold bars to kill Jack Frost who is leading the elves' rebellion. Ace isn't one to turn down money, but as he inspects the workshops and witnesses the ruthless brutality of the D.E.B.B. mercenaries against the elves still trying to build toys, his loyalty seems to be less to Santa and more to himself. When asked "Just whose side are you on?" his answer is "Mine."

An ambush greets Ace on his first trek through the workshops, and from there, action doesn't stop. The novel both attacks and plays with the conventions of the action-adventure genre, with heroes performing wild feats, nonstop action, bizarre and brutal contraptions, and weapons topping weapons, but threaded through the scenes is a dark humor--absurdities, blunders, and lunatic characters--that surprises the reader into laughter even as people are blown apart.

Jack Frost is a genius character, wildly insane to the point of idiocy. Yet safe on his Yule Tide ship stranded in unmoving ice, with his armored suit and Recon Rats and mutant elves, he's a worthy foe for Ace and a master inventor--even if he shouts ridiculously, "We've hit an iceberg! Man the lifeboats! Women and children first!" at the first rumblings of attack. And then there's the oddball Lucky, dressed in his bright green Leprechaun suit, prancing through scenes obliviously, an elf addicted to Leprechaun Green Whiskey who plays a key in Santa's greedy quest.

The book manages to toss in some other tried and true fairy tales, like Snow White, and bash them to pieces, and it's all part of the fun: legends warped but still recognizable, messing with the reader's mind.

There's a certain marveling at the inventions this writer creates and the thorough details of this North Pole landscape with its maze of tunnels, abundant weapons, and lunatic contraptions that would be reminiscent of the marvels of Christmas if they weren't twisted to the brutal work of greed. Or maybe there's a bit of a message in this crazy vision. After all, what would happen if the greatest gift-giver of all lost the spirit?

I can't believe it took two authors to churn out this piece of crap. Almost every page contains glaring typos, and on some pages there are typos in almost every paragraph. This went beyond distracting and ended up in the realm of the pathetic. It would have been hard enough slogging through this bore-fest had it been free of typos... the constant errors made me give up about halfway through the book.

As for the plot, well, it seemed like an interesting idea, but the way this thing was written I can only assume it appeals to 12 year old boys. No character development, a "hero" who can magically get out of any jam while at the same time giving off a cool-guy, I don't give a damn, vibe.

They could have done so much more with this. Instead, it is tired and lifeless.