Customer Reviews

Hazards of Being Male: Surviving the Myth of Masculine Privilege

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First of all, I must say that the copy of this book that I have is the original 1976 edition, and there may have been significant changes in later editions.

This book was originally written in 1976, and is considered one of the classics of the men's rights movement. In it, psychologist Dr. Herb Goldberg takes years of clinical experience, and concludes that men, far from being the privileged sex, are actually out of touch with their bodies and emotions, and unhealthily dependent on women. Further, too many men are on a destructive course that leads to mental illness, alcoholism and death. Each chapter in this fascinating book ends with a list of guidelines that the man should study to examine himself.

Overall, this book knocked me right over. As the author explains his views on men, their thoughts and their situation, I found myself shocked at his ability to see through to the heart of matter. So much of what the author says is true to this very day, more than a quarter of a century later!

My only complaint against this book is that the author attributes so much of men's attributes to social conditioning, whereas more recent studies have shown that many male-female differences are actually biological (see The War Against Boys by Christina Hoff Sommers). But, that said, this is a fascinating book with penetrating insight into the lives of modern men. I highly recommend this book to all men.

I came across a copy of this book waiting to be picked up by the trashmen. I read it and passed it around to all of my male friends. It is amazing both that despite the age of the book it still rings so true, and that every girl girl who so much as saw the cover, instantly denounced it as sexist filth, thereby proving the need for this work as a part of the lives of American men.

This is a wonderful book for both men and women to read, to get more out of our lives. And read it more than once, because by the time you finish you will want to step back into the world of the scenarios described in this book, to travel further along your ability to appreciate humanity.

When we keep in mind the message from William James, "Sow a thought; reap an action. Sow an action; reap a habit. Sow a set of habits; reap a character. Sow a character; reap your destiny," as we read a book like "The Hazards of Being Male," we will have many "Oh yeah's. That explains it."

This book also helps men to be men, while they face their authentic selves.

Without the right to feel; have a male friend; share financial responsibility with women; participate as involved, playful fathers; no longer be self-destructive; and no longer harbor extreme guilt, traditionally thinking men, that is most men, are not living the life that they deserve to live.

"The male has paid a heavy price for his masculine, 'privilege' and power. He is out of touch with his emotions and his body." - Herb Goldberg, Ph.D.

Their reality is always approached through veils of gender expectations.

Men's problems are not changed by legislation, because they have no clearly defined targets against which they can vent their rage. Men will not strongly improve their lives until they experience their underlying rage toward the endless, impossible binds under which they live, which is defined by their role to be all things to all people. This includes guilt and self-denial.

So many men are tired, and are forever close to just throwing in the towel, but they haven't thrown in the towel, because they simultaneously harbor guilt, love, and fear of being lonely.

Traditionally, men maintain a self-protective stance, to protect themselves from being vulnerable. And despite the appearance of not allowing a woman to control them, men unconsciously see the female in his life as his lifeline.

Whether it is amongst friends, their spouse or at the office, men express their trouble to freely express themselves by statements such as "I think I'm entitled to get angry," followed by an apology. They don't know how to simply say, "When someone does ... I feel angry, because I need ... So, would you mind (action)?" But they can be taught this, when women expect this from them.

Another male attitude is, "God helps those who help themselves." This is to cover up the chance of appearing to be uncomfortable, anxious, or vulnerable.

The highest compliment is to call him "fearless." Of course this has held men back from processing their emotions, and taking the stance to live their lives according to what their higher power sent them here to do.

When asked why they married and remained married, many say, "she has a good effect on me. She stabilizes me." Which means that he counts upon women to regulate his life.

The male in our culture finds himself in countless, "damned if you do, and damned if you don't no-win binds. He is psychologically fragmented by many contradictory demands. And for his sake of survival he strives to maintain a cool, detached, controlled, guarded and disengaged demeanor.

With this understanding of the male psyche, recognition of his guilt, and how he covers it up, your life will be enhanced.

I read this book as part of a optional book review for one of my Sexual Psychology class.This book is truly a masterpiece. It deals with real problems gripping real men even as we enter the 21st Century. It shows where we men differ from women and even among ourselves.This book is a must read for those (men and women)who wants to explore men's behavioral psychology.

A must-read for men! So many of my male friends dislike feminism. Why? Because of the way feminism is taught. When I went to college 4 years ago, men were consistently shown how unfairly privileged they were; that they had a multitude of extra privileges as males. Then they were told to "acknowlege" these priveleges - aka - feel consistently guilty about them.
All I wanted was for them to acknowlege that women were to be seen as equal. These friends who are seemingly put off by feminism, do in fact make that acknowlegement. But I knew we had an acknowlegement to make, as well. They might have had an even tougher time growing up in our society. And this rigid upbringing might actually prevent them from truly seeing women as equals. For instance: men are rigidly trained never to hit a woman. Why? Because she is a delicate flower that he could easily crush. In truth, people should not hit anyone, and if they must, only in self-defense (not just ego defense). The perpetuating of the "delicate flower" myth (yes, myth, because some women are boxing champions) hurts women as well as men. Just as women are typecast as sex-symbols, this book deals with the typecasts of men; as money-maker, or protector/defender (which encourages his violence, rather than more peaceful strategies or show of emotion). It also talks about homophobia and inability to cry or act feminine; destroying the wholeness of a man's person.
Unfortunately, until now, I could never adequately express this perspective: that both genders were struggling against suffocating traditions.
I am a 25 year old woman, and yet this book, written eight years before I was born, is still every bit as accurate as it was in its heyday. I'm so glad I found it in a library book sale. I almost wish they still had it on the shelf for future generations of men and women to read.

I can only agree with the other reviewers. I don't know how much more I can add except to say that this book profoundly changed the way I view myself and the other men in my life. Reading this book helped me to understand my father in a way I never did before and resolved a great deal of the tension between us. I cannot praise this book highly enough. There are a few places in the book where it is clear that it was written 30 years ago but they are few and far between. It is highly relevant to males AND females who are trying to understand them.

This book was a total surprise for me. I never heard of it before seeing it advertised along the sidebar of angryharry. I figured that it would be a political discussion of what transpired to the relations between men and women in the sixties. Instead, it is a fairly amazing psychological interpretation of the role males have in our society. The Hazards... was re-released in 2000 but was originally penned in 1976. There are two things amazing about the date of its initial release:

1. What Goldberg argued so long ago remains applicable today (aside from his slightly non-topical observation that autism is a form of schizophrenia).
2. The guts that it took for this guy to say the things he did back in those "everything men do is oppressive" days. I really am astonished that an academic took such a stance and wish there were more Herb Goldbergs in our universities today.

The idea that man searches for a special, unique Earth Mother is nothing short of brilliant. I marked that chapter up thoroughly with red ink. Also, the way he dissects modern marriage and divorce, specifically in light of male reactions to the crises, is highly astute. Unlike many authors, Goldberg actually has the foresight to provide recommendations alongside his analysis. He refers to these as "Guidelines." I think that you'll probably agree with me that The Hazards... has a revolutionary feel to it which has not been greatly diminished by the passage of time. It is up to all of us to live up to his scholarly, courageous example in the present day.

The latest reprint of Dr. Goldberg's classic "Hazards" has a classier cover, and larger and clearer type face. But the ideas are unchanged. This is good because the ideas and prescriptions are as valid today as they were thirty-three years ago when they first appeared in the original edition of Hazards.

Dr. Goldberg remains one of the top relationship therapists in the United
States today and we are privledged to have access to the insights he shares from the thousands of men, women and couples he has treated in his clinical practice.

Reading Hazards provides specific guidelines enabling men to throw off the life-destroying harness of mythical masculine privledge. It empowers the women who love them to assist in this liberation.

Hazards offers rewards and treasures for the man and woman who have the courage to read and discuss it chapter by chapter with each other.

I am a woman who found this book while searching for anything to explain why so many men come across as being more than a little screwed up psychologically (and I'm saying this with compassion, not derision).

This book will not give you all the answers (like, for example, the impact of various personality disorders on people's actions, both men and women; for that, there are other books) -- but it does a superb job explaining how the upbringing of boys, peer pressure, societal expectations, materialistic pursuits, and the burdens of traditional marriage, kill men's happiness, potency and physical health.

Men are often victims of their own competitive tendency or unconscious desire to conform -- and Herb Goldberg makes it clear that it's time for men to get emancipated from those self-imposed shackles. I agree. You can't be a happy, fulfilled, healthy, caring, and joy-radiating human being if you live to uphold a fake image, or to satisfy others -- while in the process hurting and denying yourself.

I especially admire Goldberg's brave admission that when passion in an old marriage is gone, men (and I hope he means women too) have a right to seek fulfillment with somebody else -- without guilt. (Clarification: but I don't believe it's always the right thing to do; sexual feelings come and go; many good, old marriages transcend sexuality, and it can be immensely rewarding for spouses to remain faithful to each other.)

I plan to give this book to a male friend who desperately needs to understand how his quest for success at any cost is killing his ability to relate to people, and to be himself, with some very sad consequences. It'll be interesting to see if it opens his eyes.

Ultimately, no book can change anyone unless they have personal courage to change -- to draw a line against that which limits and oppresses them. This book is invaluable because it makes the need for this necessary change crystal clear.

I happened across Dr. Goldberg as I was channel surfing after having had an argument with my boyfriend. The good doctor was being interviewed by Barry Kibrik on "Between the Lines". I paused, listened - and was captivated. I had never heard of him or his books prior, which doesn't surprise me as I was mired in feminism and male bashing and probably wouldn't have given him a second thought anyway. They say the teacher presents himself when you're ready. I had no idea I was anywhere near the classroom! I was positively entranced with what I heard. It made such incredible sense in ways that I had not bothered to think about, nor had a notion of. His explanations of why there are such cavernous gaps between the genders are truly thought-out and largely based on his experiences as a practicing clinical psychologist (high credibility factor), and obviously, because he is a male.

I was transformed after hearing his words and reading this book. I have a much better understanding of what really goes on between the sexes, and of equal importance, my part in it. The gender issue is not an easy fix. Both are very much responsible for the conflicts, and also very much capable of creating resolutions. Male/female relationships are some of the most profound, and most confounding. If you truly care to engage in a healthy relationship then educate yourself. Put your ego aside, acknowledge the stark realities, make a commitment to redirect your thoughts, and rush to your shopping cart and purchase! While you're at it, pay it forward and gift it to another. Thankfully I'm now armed with new knowledge and can approach the issues from a different mindset. No doubt frustration will still be a part of the process, but at least now I get it, and the male species is fairly safe from my high-wielding sledgehammer.