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He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man Hardcover – January 10, 2006

4.3 out of 5 stars 154 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“In Passionista, his pleasure is all yours!” (Tracey Cox, bestselling author of SuperSex)

“Passionista satisfies the reader with tasty morsels of sexual enlightenment, nibble by nibble, bite by bite.” (Lou Paget, best-selling author of How to Be a Great Lover and The Great Lover Playbook)

About the Author

Ian Kerner, Ph.D., is a sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author of numerous books. He contributes regularly to Today and lives in New York City with his wife and two young sons.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow; First edition (January 10, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060784563
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060784560
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (154 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #665,115 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy, couples therapy and working with individuals on a range of relational issues.

Ian is the New York Times best-selling author of numerous books, including She Comes First (Harper Collins) which is the best-selling sex advice book of the last decade and has been translated into more than a dozen languages.

Ian is regularly quoted as an expert in various media, with frequent appearances on CNN, The Today Show and The Dr. Oz Show. He lectures frequently on topics related to sex and relationships, with recent appearances at New York University, Yale, Princeton, the French Institute Alliance Francaise and the inaugural Sex and Attachment conference in NYC.

Ian is also the founder of GoodInBed.com, a web destination and publishing company that brings together many of the country's leading sex experts and also conducts original research into various aspects of human sexuality. Recent topics of study include: relationship boredom, sexual adventurousness and changing attitudes around monogamy.

In addition to being a New York State licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Ian is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). He works with individuals and couples both privately and at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy, one of New York's oldest and most respected not-for-profit mental health training and treatment facilities. His practice is composed equally of heterosexual and LGBTQ patients.

Ian was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife and two sons and their family dogs, Jitterbug and Oscar.

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Lianne on January 20, 2006
Format: Hardcover
This wasn't what I was expecting, but turned out to be so much more intense and interesting. If what you're looking for is a bunch of tips there are plenty of other books that will give you that like Lou Paget and the other sexperts. This is really a look inside the male mind and how they approach sex and where their fantasies and fears come from and that great sex is more than knowing how to perform oral sex. It's easy to think from She Comes First that that's what this book is going to be about, but really it's just a small piece of a bigger idea. The book is a little dense in places, but it's also really friendly and I think it's unique to hear a guy talk so openly about what's really going inside a guy's head when it comes to sex.
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Format: Hardcover
That's what the author calls himself and his voice is really honest and friendly. I loved this book because it was focused on the male mind and had some really new things to say about the male body. Just when you think you've known everything there is to know about the penis, Kerner gives you some really new things to think about. Most of all he makes you feel really confident and I've already put some of the techniques into action. I also emailed him with a question and he emailed me right back!!!! I guess he really is my friendly neighborhood sex therapist, even though I live in Portlan and he lives in New York.
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Format: Hardcover
I think of myself as a thinking woman, so the title hooked me. The book is definitely long on male psychology and issues affecting male desire and less focused on techniques. It's nothing like a magazine article. But there's so much great stuff in here, and the thing I love most is that the book is really feminist and inspiring. It's not just focused on giving pleasure, but also on receiving. I would have liked some more techniques personally, but after She Comes First and He Comes NExt, maybe we can look forward to We Come Together.
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Format: Hardcover
As a woman known to walk the aisles of bookstores, amused by the endless self-help sex books, I found this book to be utterly refreshing. In my humble opinion, great sex is not found in the pages of the Kama Sutra, in a hundred different sexual positions or in the guidance of former porn stars. But this remarkable book somehow captures the essence of being spectacularly sexual, inherently erotic and madly in love with your partner. I hope that women stop to realize just how important sexuality is to men (and should be to them). If you want to start researching the subject, this book is where you should start. Ian's wife is a LUCKY woman.
- Samantha, 43
Comment 56 of 65 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I got "she comes first" for my husband 3 weeks before I bought this book. She comes first is one of the best book purchases ever. Based on that, I bought this book. It has some good info on the psychological side of a man's sexual needs, and a few tips and techniques for women. It was a little dry, and I felt the focus kept coming back to me, the woman. It is a very nonjudgmental book, and is very reassuring. It does not expect some amazing bedroom act, rather it shows you how your own emotional tendencies are found in him, and how to satisfy them. It is a simple book with simple techniques that are extremely effective. I WOULD RECCOMEND THIS BOOK, AND IT'S EVEN BETTER IF YOU GET "SHE COMES FIRST" WITH IT. My husband has turned into a different person since this book, and I am loving it.
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Format: Hardcover
Dr. Ian Kerner puts into words what women are thinking but have not or could not convey to their male partners: Great sex is integral to a relationship based on "intellectual , emotional, and spiritual compatibility." Kerner outlines techniques and ambiance but only after explaining the male sexual anatomy, physiology, and psychology and emphasizing the cultivation of intimacy and desire.

I found it revealing to peek into the male psyche, as Kerner delves into the male-side of the sex story, addressing the differences in how each gender feels about or is influenced by sex and porn, fantasies and penis size, and sexual excitement and love. It was interesting to have the "family jewels" pointed out as both the center of control, the driver of desire, but at the same time, as a locus of vulnerability and sensitivity. (However, the "vulnerability and sensitivity" may only refer to the physical, rather than the emotional for some.) And, it was rousing, almost stimulating, to hear that for men in long-term relationships, "the sex act is the primary conduit for expressing their feelings... [a] path to achieving a true sense of intimacy with a romantic partner."

Now having armed yourself with the knowledge of what "he" feels and deals with, Kerner rubs the female ego with "women, be fierce" anecdotes -- anecdotes about the Woman on the Shaky Bridge and the White Tigress and, despite the gender gap and an even greater sexual gender gap, encourages women to teach their man about "global orgasms" and to begin foreplay outside the bedroom.
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