Customer Reviews

Is He Straight : A Checklist for Women Who Wonder

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I read the book "Is He Straight, A Checklist for Women Who Wonder" at the urging of my wife. I have never been 100 percent honest with her about my sexuality because it was far too painful. I've justified my outside relationships to her claiming I was "bisexual." In Ms. Kaye's book, she hit the nail on the head. I am using that as an excuse to avoid the reality of my life. I am afraid that admitting I am homosexual will turn over the world that is secure and toss me into one that is so terrifying to me. I don't want to lose my wife. I do love her. As Ms. Kaye stated so eloquently, I didn't intent to "trick" my wife when I married her--I did love her. I was hoping that these attractions to men would disappear if I loved her enough--but they didn't. I know that living a lie can only hurt us both. My wife keeps confronting me about the truth, but after reading the book I can no longer lie about it. I am going to start therapy here in Maryland soon to see how I can come to terms with myself and give my wife the chance she needs to persue happiness on her own terms. I am hoping we can remain close and the best of friends. Is He Straight has given me the courage to face my own nightmares. Thank you Ms. Kaye, wherever you are, for giving me the courage to do what's right.

Bonnie Kaye has written a text which undoubtedly can put the spotlight on marriages in trouble and that can not only help spouses come to terms with a life-altering problem, but also develop stragegies to deal with it. In her book, Is He Straight? A Checklist for Women Who Wonder, Ms. Kaye tells her own story in heartbreaking detail and shares with her readers HER way of dealing with the problems which ensue when a wife suspects her mate is gay or bi-sexual. She answers a variety of basic questions that cross the minds of wives faced with the possibility that their husbands are gay in a warm-hearted and authoritative manner; it's like having a good friend to talk to, someone who will listen to your problems and advise you from the point of view of having been their and having suffered the same fears and qualms. Her comments regarding concern for AIDS are most timely and can truly save lives. Her chapter dealing with children of a marriage on the brink of ending because of the revealed sexual orientation of the husband is very valuable in that it treats an issue that is crucial and one which often gets lost in the politics and selfishness of marital decisions based on sexual orientation. I recommend this book to anyone who has ever wondered about the sexual orientation of a spouse or significant other; the grief and anguish it can save is priceless.

My friend was telling me about this book because she was married to a gay man, and bought the book when it was recommended to her by a friend. I am single, but I am in a serious relationship and we were planning to get married in the Fall. I told my friend that my boyfriend is a very non-sexual person. My friend said that this is the time to read the book, before I get married, so I won't make the same mistake that her and her friend did. I would have never imagined that his sexuality would be an issue, because he is a very sporty, masculine man, and he has made negative comments about homosexuals. I am glad I read this book and could look for the warning signs before things got more serious with my relationship. My boyfriend denies having any issues, but he may not be able to admit it me or himself. Thank you for writing this book and saving me from a life of misery and confusion. Even if he is not gay, your book pointed out to me that I deserve to be happy, and should not settle for anything less.

When I first started running a helpline in England, UK four years ago to support parents with gay children, the majority of calls were from parents. But increasingly I and other helplines around the Country are receiving more and more calls from spouses of gay partners. These are mostly from wives with gay/bisexual husbands. We have tried very hard to obtain literature and support for these people, but apart from three ex wives of gay husbands who offer help by phone, there has been little else to offer them.So imagine my great joy when a friend of a friend gave me Bonnie Kaye's website address.I couldn't wait to get home to see what it was all about. I can't tell you how happy I was! Here at last was our lifeline.

I immeadiately contacted Bonnie and we had a long 'chat' by e.mail. I recieved a copy of her book and couldn't put it down. It is an excellent book! I have recommended it to all 46 FFLAG ( Families and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) the UK national organisation of support helplines and groups members.I salute you Bonnie Kaye!

I am a gay married man who is at the crossroads of his life. After 14 years of living with a woman who is loving, kind, and understanding, I have decided to make the most difficult decision in my life to date--namely, be honest with her. After reading the book "Straight Wives, Shattered Lives," by Bonnie Kaye,I realize that the longer I withhold this truth from her, the more damage I am doing to her life. When I read some of the stories of these women in the book, I was faced with the reality of what I am doing to my own wife. I have fought these feelings of male attractions for many years. I wanted to be the husband my wife needs. I never meant to hurt her. I take my marriage vows very seriously. I married her because I was in love with her, and I still love her so much. But now I realize that I can never love her in the way she deserves to be loved--totally and completely. I know this because I have read the book "Forbidden Love With a Married Man: Email Diaries" by Dennis Schleicher. In his story, I saw the kind of relationship that I too desire with someone of the same sex. Between these two books, I realized I had to be honest with myself before I could be honest with my wife. I know my life will never be the same after I reveal this news, but I don't want to keep hiding behind a lie. Wish me luck.

Bonnie Kaye's book should be part of every woman's library. I wish I could have had it years ago. I went through so much anguish and pain over the cruelty that was done to me. It is a relief to know that this book is there for us.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude to Bonnie for taking the time and making the effort to make all this valuable information available to so many women in need. I know personally, discovering that you are married to a gay man is the most devastating thing one can go through.

Through my time spent with Bonnie, the support group and her book, I have gained so much valuable information that will help me make informed, logical decisions that will affect the rest of my life as well as the lives of my children.

One of the most helpful things I found in the book is the realization that I am NOT the only woman to have ever faced this and it's NOT my fault. As wives of gay men, we are NOT alone in this matter ... and there are other women who have been and are going through this ... that are so willing to be there for you.

I am so thankful that I found Bonnie. I have gained knowledge and felt her compassion. I feel so much more confident now that I can face and handle this situation in a matter that will benefit all parties involved. I just cannot give enough praise for such a wonderful tool ... Thanks Bonnie!

This book has literally saved my life. My ex-husband blamed me for our lousy sex life, and then after 6 years he woke up and told me that he has been seeing someone. I did suspect something, but certainly not that he was seeing a male! I couldn't understand where I went wrong, what I did or didn't do to make him that way, but after reading this book, I now know that it wasn't me at all, it was him all the time. Luckily there were no children involved. To all you women who think you made your man gay, read this book and learn the truth.

Finally, a book that sheds light on a little-known and seldom understood crises affecting so many couples today. As I read, Kaye enveloped me into her world, into her life, and into what I have been living for the past 19 years. If only I'd had the courage to face the issues the way she did, my self-esteem would not have suffered so.

I inhaled the pages and couldn't put this book down. I couldn't believe I had actually found someone who understood this panic, this ordeal, this stigma.

Hopefully this author has opened the door and let many of us oppressed spouses know that we are not alone in the world.

My name is Bonnie Kaye. Thank you for your interest in my book "Is He Straight? A Checklist for Women Who Wonder." This book is no longer available under this title. It has been republished and updated under "The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder." Please return to your Amazon search bar and type that in. I promise you won't be disappointed!
Thanks!
Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed.
Author