Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say [Hardcover]

Nance Guilmartin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 2, 2002

Whether it's the loss of a job, a marriage, or a life, in today's 24/7 world we're increasingly faced with uncomfortable situations where we don’t know what to say yet we're called upon to quickly respond -- online or in person. We may fumble, avoid contact, or simply walk away perplexed, thinking we have done a bad job of responding to our friends, family, neighbors, clients, and co-workers. How do we pause, listen, and offer comfort in those hard moments? Filled with touching stories, this practical guide helps us step into someone else's shoes so that we can empathetically learn how to respond in times of need. The revised compact edition includes a new introduction, index and short reflections at the end of each chapter to help readers become more comfortable and effective when offering or accepting comfort in their demanding lives.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"bridges the gap between spirituality and self-help...offering spirituality and practical coaching for people responding to those who are ill, grieving or in crisis. (Publishers Weekly, July 2, 2001)

"...Healing Conversations is like a first-aid communications kit, offering practical principles to apply to life's difficult moments..." (Aspire, June 2006) --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"This little book is bang on. Would that I had it in my pocket every time I needed it the last thirty years. The pages would be threadbare."
—Thomas L. Goodgame, president emeritus, Westinghouse (CBS) Television Group

"Although understanding how to comfort someone only comes with living through difficult times, Nance's book helps you get started...taking those first steps toward helping someone in distress."
—Niki Tsongas, wife of the late U.S. Senator, Paul Tsongas

"Healing Conversations--what a beautiful concept. Not only does Nance Guilmartin offer a multitude of wise suggestions to help us show we care with our words, but just as important, she teaches us how to listen. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn how to really be there for those they care about."
—Beverly Engel, author, The Power of Apology

"After 30 years of working with people in pain, I have heard too many 'unhealing' conversations. It is time for all of us to learn that one word of kindness to someone in pain can begin their recovery. This book teaches us how to pause long enough to listen in to the silence of another's pain and to facilitate the body's potential to heal itself."
—James Walaski, Past Chair, American Massage Therapy National Sports Massage Education Council, Massage Therapist for the New York Yankees 1996-98, Keynote speaker at the 1997 Australian National Massage Therapy convention

"In twenty years of coaching managers to have difficult conversations, and having many of them myself, I realize that the fear we have in having that tough talk is actually worse than the conversation itself. [These] stories remove some of the stumbling blocks and [these] words, once read, are transformed into personal courage."
—Gwendy Longyear-Hayden, director, Human Capital Solutions Resources Connection

"Practical, friendly, and thoughtful guide for communication at home, school, and the workplace when confronting the challenge of healing broken relationships."
—Badi G. Foster president, Phelps-Stokes Fund, former director of Tufts University's Lincoln Filene Center for Citizenship and Public Affairs

"A tremendously important book that I could have used a hundred times before. Everyone who knows anyone in pain should read this book. It speaks right to the heart of the matter."
—Richard Carlson, Author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

"Healing Conversations helps us to find the language of the heart for ourselves and for those whose lives we touch."
—Frances Hesselbein, chairman of the Board of Governors of the Peter F. Drucker Foundation and past chief executive officer of Girl Scouts of America, USA

"Oh! Ms. Guilmartin! Where were you when I needed you! This little book is bang on. Would that I had it in my pocket every time I needed it the last 30 years. The pages would be threadbare."
—Thomas L. Goodgame, President Emeritus Westinghouse (CBS) Television Group

"Nance Guilmartin's Healing Conversations is an extraordinary, comprehensive blueprint for dealing with the slings and arrows of daily, stressful, sometimes hurting life. There are "healing conversations" for divorce, depression, sadness, separation, anger, loss. Especially after the tragedy of September 11, this book offers great comfort."
—Jeffrey Fox, Author, How to Become CEO: The Rules for Rising to the Top of Any Organization

"Like a healing conversation, this book teaches readers how to plumb the depths of their own experiences so that they are better prepared to hear the stories told by others. Nance Guilmartin leads her readers to understand how they can offer the healing power of compassionate conversation."
—Rev. Ellen C. Chahey, Minister of Visitation, Federated Churches of Hyannis, MA

"Your book will help clergy like myself to be more attuned to what people in trouble are saying. Hopefully, with God's help, we will guide them to hold onto life and help them see that it can be lived with meaning. I am speaking to my colleagues about having you come talk to us about your book. It will be a great teaching tool."
—Reverend Aram Marashlian, Secretary, Massachusetts' Firefighters Chaplains Association

"Healing Conversations offers a positive, empathetic approach to helping people in need. It puts them at ease. It also prepares us for how to use a humanitarian approach to dis-ease-that state when those of us who are trying to comfort someone, find ourselves ill at ease. Doctors, nurses, patients and their families all need your book, right now."
—Rudi Ansbacher, M.D., President The International Society for The Study of Humanistic Aspects of Medicine

"A Practical, friendly and thoughtful guide for communication at home, school, and the workplace when confronting the challenge of healing broken relationships. Required reading for civil discourse on implications of WTC disaster."
—Badi G. Foster, president, Phelps-Stokes Fund, former director of Tufts University's Lincoln Filene Center for Citizenship and Public Affairs

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 352 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; Revised Edition edition (April 2, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0787960195
• ISBN-13: 978-0787960193
• Product Dimensions: 7 x 6.8 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,003,461 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Nance Guilmartin is a four-time regional Emmy Award winner, executive coach, consultant, and educator. As a Westinghouse Broadcasting executive she launched the Designated Driver program and the For Kids' Sake and Time to Care campaigns. Before entering television, she was press secretary to the late U.S. Senator Paul Tsongas. A Tufts University graduate, she honed her listening skills as a news writer at CBS radio in Boston and as editorial director at WBZ-TV. Nance is a Trustee of AACR, the nation's oldest and largest scientific organization focused on cancer research, and is a Fellow of Florida International University's Center for Leadership. She teaches people to succeed in times of change, growth and uncertainty by maximizing their CQ - "communications intelligence". Through retreats, workshops, interactive keynotes, customized problem solving programs and straight-shooter executive mentoring she helps people quickly generate breakthroughs. Her first book, Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say (Wiley, 2002,) has been published in twelve languages.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Healing Conversations, April 7, 2002

By 

Christine Felix (Marina del Rey, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say (Hardcover)

What a wonderful book! Nance Guilmartin's Healing Conversations gives us the opportunity to find the appropriate and caring thing to say, when we are at a loss for words. It also teaches us that listening is the most important thing in a healing conversation. We humans often work so hard to find the right thing to say while someone is telling their story that if we had simply listened, the message we could have delivered to them, might have been very apparent. I have personally had people risk sharing their stories with me when I was sick with cancer. I knew what I wanted to hear and when I did not want to hear anything at all. Just a listening ear and an open heart. Ms. Guilmartin' book is perceptive in its wisdom and reminds us that we are part of a large family called humankind. Her words teach us to be both human and kind. I plan to buy it for all of my doctors and nurses. I keep it on my nightstand - there are times when I may not need to have a healing conversation with someone other than myself - I find solace and comfort in her words.

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great guidance for life's tough situations, May 8, 2002

By 

Harold McFarland (Florida) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say (Hardcover)

A wonderful and healing book in itself, Nance Guilmartin's Healing Conversations gently guides the reader to the appropriate and caring thing to say when you don't know what to say. One of the most important things that it teaches is knowing when to keep your mouth shut and just listen. Sometimes just listening is the most critical part of a healing conversation. Sometimes we struggle so hard to find the right thing to say that we don't listen to what they are saying. Often if we had just listened to what they were saying we would have known the appropriate thing to say.

Excellent advice that anyone can use, it is divided into sections entitled "When you need a friend", "Health matters", "Healing conversations at work", "Transitions" and "Lost loves". While these are fairly broad categories, they are subdivided into detailed sections that cover just about every situation you might come across. From putting a pet to sleep to helping children understand illness to being fired or retiring the book is complete and reveals a dept of understanding and empathy not easily found in such books. A highly recommended read.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Connecting during Painful Times, August 25, 2002

By 

Steve Colwell (Wayland, MA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say (Hardcover)

Nance Guilmartin has a gentleness that has guided me to be there for others as they face their greatest challenges. This book is NOT a "how to" manual. Instead, Ms. Guilmartin leads the reader through anecdotal experiences. Rather than providing direct advice, she leaves room for the reader to draw their own conclusions. Personally, I find this to be more helpful and natural--infering from her words my own way of being with others during their painful experiences.