Healing the Heart of Conflict: 8 Crucial Steps to Making Peace with Yourself and Others [Hardcover]

Marc Gopin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 23, 2004

Rabbi and international mediator Marc Gopin presents an 8-step process-based on great religious traditions, philosophy, and psychology-for healing even the most destructive, and seemingly intractable, conflicts.

For more than 20 years Marc Gopin has sought to resolve bitter disputes in a variety of domestic and international settings. What he has learned-working for peace in sticky world trouble spots such as the Middle East and Northern Ireland, or helping his congregants through the business and personal conflicts that can destroy lives-is that some conflicts, rooted in the deepest, most primal emotions, cannot be solved by "rational" discussion and negotiation. Instead the answer lies along a path of self-examination and spiritual growth.

In his new book, Marc Gopin details a process that will help people free themselves from the soul-poisoning effects of destructive conflict. The 8 steps he describes teach us how to: examine our inner lives so that our character becomes a true ally of healing; pay close attention to the power of our emotions and those of others in conflict; understand the dynamics of what is really going on in difficult situations; truly listen to others in new ways; view troubled relationships from a fresh perspective; imagine creative possibilities that no one dared see; take powerful action that completely transforms hopeless situations; and speak in a way that uses the power of the word not to injure but to heal and create new realities.

Serious and profound, beautifully written and sorely needed, this book can lead anyone to a healing of the heart that works equally well in the family, professional, and geopolitical spheres.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Gopin's guide transcends many self-help books by drawing on his two decades of experience in the field of conflict resolution worldwide, including the Middle East, Northern Ireland and Africa. Through his work and understanding of the dynamics and stages of international conflict, Gopin, a rabbi and director of the Center for World Religions, Diplomacy, and Conflict Resolution at George Mason University, has learned how the same tools and approaches can be used to address and resolve day-to-day conflicts in business and personal relationships. "Destructive conflicts," he writes, "are based on primal emotions and cannot be solved by rational discussion and negotiation." They call, instead, for addressing and healing feelings of dishonor and humiliation, which in turn requires "self-examination and spiritual growth." Using wide-ranging anecdotes, Gopin presents eight primary steps, including recognizing the emotions at the heart of the conflict, learning how to listen to all sides of an issue, setting goals that represent the future needs and desires of all parties and keeping dialogue open and ongoing. He illustrates how these principles can be applied in work situations, within family relationships and in local community dynamics. Gopin (Holy War, Holy Peace) addresses how differences in politics, religion, gender, race and personal beliefs can serve as catalysts for conflict and how one might approach delicate situations with understanding so that opportunity for conflict is reduced. Though the eight steps are summarized with simple words (Feel, Understand, Hear, etc.), Gopin's solution is not a simple or easy one—but it is psychologically and spiritually grounded, compassionate and compelling.
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Review

Gopin's guide transcends many self-help books by drawing on his two decades of experience in the field of conflict resolution worldwide, including the Middle East, Northern Ireland and Africa. Through his work and understanding of the dynamics and stages of international conflict, Gopin, a rabbi and director of the Center for World Religions, Diplomacy, and Conflict Resolution at George Mason University, has learned how the same tools and approaches can be used to address and resolve day-to-day conflicts in business and personal relationships. "Destructive conflicts," he writes, "are based on primal emotions and cannot be solved by rational discussion and negotiation." They call, instead, for addressing and healing feelings of dishonor and humiliation, which in turn requires "self-examination and spiritual growth." Using wide-ranging anecdotes, Gopin presents eight primary steps, including recognizing the emotions at the heart of conflict, learning how to listen to all sides of an issue, setting goals that represent the future needs and desires of all parties and keeping dialogue open and ongoing. He illustrates how these principles can be applied in work situations, within family relationship and in local community dynamics. Gopin (Holy Way, Holy Peace) addresses how differences in politics, religion, gender, race and personal beliefs can serve as catalysts for conflict and how one might approach delicate situations with understanding so that opportunity for conflict is reduced. Though the eight steps are summarized with simple words (Feel, Understand, Hear, etc.), Gopin's solution is not a simple or easy one-but it is psychologically and spiritually grounded, compassionate and compelling. --Publisher's Weekly, September 13, 2004

"Someone a long time ago-it may have been Voltaire-said, 'What you are speaks with such force that I cannot hear what you say.' Dr. Marc Gopin understands this on a deep level. In Healing the Heart of Conflict, he shows us how to be to foster peace in our lives. You hold in your hand a blueprint for hope." --U.S. Representative Amo Houghton, Congressional Delegate to the United Nations under President George W. Bush

"[Healing the Heart of Conflict is] an accessible and fascinating behind-the-curtain exposé of the very nature of dispute. With relevant examples from pop culture to the late-night streets of a war zone, Marc's contribution with this book is his clear and high regard for the truth, and his uncommonly intuitive understanding of people-why we do what we do. His re-telling of one intimate exchange with Yasser Arafat is enough to bring us all to that aching point of knowing or believing that even the most impossible of conflicts offer moments, however fleeting, when progress is possible, and listening is essential. . . . Men like Marc Gopin need to be heard." --Dick Gordon, host of The Connection on National Public Radio

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 352 pages
• Publisher: Rodale Books (September 23, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1579547931
• ISBN-13: 978-1579547936
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.4 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #615,978 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Heartfelt, honest and inspiring, October 6, 2004

By 

E. Teeple - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Healing the Heart of Conflict: 8 Crucial Steps to Making Peace with Yourself and Others (Hardcover)

What a life-changing book! Heartfelt, honest and inspiring. I'm already feeling its presence in my life. I love how the author incorporates all the various aspects of interaction in human existence--be, do, see, feel, etc. The lessons in this book are applicable to situations from dealing with a crabby cashier at the grocery store, to resolving conflicts in Iraq, Northern Ireland, and Israel/Palestine. Emotions and other "non-rational" aspects of conflict are rarely addressed in traditional attempts at conflict resolution. Kudos to the author for discussing these issues.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Sharing the healing, February 3, 2005

By 

Angelo Diretto (Southern Calif) - See all my reviews
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Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Healing the Heart of Conflict: 8 Crucial Steps to Making Peace with Yourself and Others (Hardcover)

Before I got very far into this wonderful book, I started recommending it to
many of my friends and family, so strongly did it grab hold of my need to heal and change, showing me a mirror thru which I could safely navigate toward sane seas. What a powerful, uncomplicated paradgin for resolution, closure and renewed optimism.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN- ACHIEVE IT IN 8 SIMPLE STEPS!, February 2, 2005

By 

Reissah Leigh (San Diego, CA, USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Healing the Heart of Conflict: 8 Crucial Steps to Making Peace with Yourself and Others (Hardcover)

The subtitle of "8 Crucial Steps to Making Peace with Yourself and Others" is a precise summation for this easy-to-read and easy-to-understand book. Dr. Marc Gopin has taken his global experiences in Conflict Resolution and condensed them into a seamless application for our personal and business use. Each step is clearly defined and his personal examples relate to EVERYONE. At the root of it, it points out that by applying these 8 steps in our daily life, we are ALL capable of living a life without conflict. What a concept for this world! Buy it, read it, and then give 20 copies of it to the people who surround you in your life. Sit back and watch the changes. It's PROFOUND! Just Brilliant!