The first encouraging, sex-positive guide for all women survivors of sexual assault — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and single — who want to reclaim their sex lives. While most books on the topic broach sexuality only to reassure women that it is all right to say “no” to unwanted sex, Healing Sex encourages women to learn how to say “yes” — to their own desires and on their own terms. This mind-body approach to healing from sexual trauma was created by Staci Haines, who has been educating in the area of sexual abuse, sex education, and somatic healing for over 15 years. Her techniques are ideal for anyone looking for a new way to heal from trauma, beyond traditional talk therapy.
Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
21 of 21 people found the following review helpful
By A Survivor
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This is a phenomenal book, as is Staci Haines' other book The Survivor's Guide to Sex. It has an extensive list of resources at the end. The author speaks with a clear, engaging voice. But you have to be ready for it, as the author is very clear and direct about the subject matter. I have been consciously healing the wounds of child sexual abuse for over 17 years - in the beginning with lots of therapy, both group and individual, and in recent years, through journaling, prayer, yoga. Healing comes in layers. Currently I am celibate because I am too darn afraid. Staci Haines's book gives me a roadmap for what to expect when I finally am able to put myself out there. She assumes the reader is familiar with dissociation, numbing, leaving the body, PTSD reactions, etc., etc. She just picks up from there, and talks about having sex that feels good and safe, even though you have these issues.
14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This is a hard hitting and revealing description of what has occured to the survivor. Many snipett descriptions are revolting for the partners to read. For any partner of a survivor this will help you gain a insight in helping understand just how vile perps are and what the survivor lives with on a daily. The perps are creatures of such evil that society should eradicate them there should be no attempt made to rehabilitae or otherwise allow them to remain in society.
After reading this I have a whole different perspective and respect of my mate and the inner strength she has. The life with a survivor is definitely the biggest rollercoaster ride I have ever experienced. I now am able to understand on some level why there have been times of disconnect, distance, and even the separation. It doesn't make the pain go away but it does make it more understandable. After getting through this book and the many tears shed along the way there was a certain amount of peace I was able to gain knowing I wasn't the cause of some of my partners feelings or lack there of. I can't say that a more solid relationship has developed but there are schemas which allow for some level of management of the relationship problems that develop. When working with surviors in a committed relationship it is imparative that a counsilor versed in these issues is consulted. Good luck, I only wish all the best to anyone who has to address this issue and only hope that the outcome is more positive that what I have experienced. Rikk
After reading this I have a whole different perspective and respect of my mate and the inner strength she has. The life with a survivor is definitely the biggest rollercoaster ride I have ever experienced. I now am able to understand on some level why there have been times of disconnect, distance, and even the separation. It doesn't make the pain go away but it does make it more understandable. After getting through this book and the many tears shed along the way there was a certain amount of peace I was able to gain knowing I wasn't the cause of some of my partners feelings or lack there of. I can't say that a more solid relationship has developed but there are schemas which allow for some level of management of the relationship problems that develop. When working with surviors in a committed relationship it is imparative that a counsilor versed in these issues is consulted. Good luck, I only wish all the best to anyone who has to address this issue and only hope that the outcome is more positive that what I have experienced. Rikk
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I purchased this book about 6 months after I'd checked out the older version from the Library of the survivors' group that I attend. I found the overall tone of the book to be hopeful, positive and encouraging, but also challenging. The author's premise is that it's not only possible to have a healthy sexual self after surviving sexual abuse, it can be the most dynamic part of a survivor's healing practice. The author also cautions that it won't be easy, and that it takes courage and self-love to take on this work. I particularly liked the chapters on Dissociation and Intimacy.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
As a sex educator and a survivor of multiple forms of sexual violence, this book is the #1 resource I recommend to anyone who asks me where to learn how to begin reclaiming sexual pleasure after trauma. Staci Haines is a leader in the field of body-based trauma recovery and her expertise is delivered with warmth and compassion. Learn about the common responses to trauma that plague us for years after abuse (numbness, disassociation, triggers) and how to begin working with yourself and your lover to craft a sexuality that is authentically yours again.
Get this book for yourself, and while you are at it grab a second copy to pass off to a friend. I have three or four copies in circulation amongst my community!
Get this book for yourself, and while you are at it grab a second copy to pass off to a friend. I have three or four copies in circulation amongst my community!
40 of 61 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I purchased this book in the hope that it might encourage me to become more comfortable as a sexual being. It has, instead, only served to INCREASE my shame and avoidance of all things sexual. Ms. Haines' solutions are simplistic, her logic flawed. While I do admire her for striving to include people of all sexualities, including GLBTQ persons, polyamorous relationships, and those who practice S/M lifestyles, as those elements are rarely touched on in sexual healing materials, it is thoroughly insulting to suggest that people who do not wish to incorporate such elements into their sex lives are in some way "less than" those who do. Am I any less deserving of healing than someone with a broader range of sexual interests? Logic dictates not. Ms. Haines unequivocally says yes.
I feel worse about myself and my circumstances having read this book than I did before buying it. If a sexual trauma survivor is already well on the road to healing his/her sexual self, has a decent idea of his/her sexual needs and desires, and believes that they correspond with the aforementioned foci of this body of work, this book may well be beneficial in making those needs and desires realities. For anyone taking their first tentative and terrifying steps into reclaiming themselves, I would avoid this book like the plague.
I feel worse about myself and my circumstances having read this book than I did before buying it. If a sexual trauma survivor is already well on the road to healing his/her sexual self, has a decent idea of his/her sexual needs and desires, and believes that they correspond with the aforementioned foci of this body of work, this book may well be beneficial in making those needs and desires realities. For anyone taking their first tentative and terrifying steps into reclaiming themselves, I would avoid this book like the plague.
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma is very sensitive and well-researched. The approach the writer uses in the book is a good blend of understanding and sharing the latest techniques that help move a person towards healing. Over all there is an acceptance of all people and their journey towards healing. There may be parts of the book that don't apply to a particular reader but, as with any non-fiction book, readers need to take in information with an understanding of what works for them and utilize that information while allowing what doesn't apply go.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great book!
Bought this book as a gift, was a great recommendation by Tristan Taormino. Excellent book, would highly recommend to anyone interested.
Published on May 12, 2011 by Kellie
5.0 out of 5 stars
Post Traumatic - Recovered Memories of Sexual Trauma
I recently recovered memories for the 33 year old sexual trauma of non-consensual intercourse when I was thirteen (13) years old. Read more
Published on July 22, 2010 by Rosie
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