Customer Reviews

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma

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This is a phenomenal book, as is Staci Haines' other book The Survivor's Guide to Sex. It has an extensive list of resources at the end. The author speaks with a clear, engaging voice. But you have to be ready for it, as the author is very clear and direct about the subject matter. I have been consciously healing the wounds of child sexual abuse for over 17 years - in the beginning with lots of therapy, both group and individual, and in recent years, through journaling, prayer, yoga. Healing comes in layers. Currently I am celibate because I am too darn afraid. Staci Haines's book gives me a roadmap for what to expect when I finally am able to put myself out there. She assumes the reader is familiar with dissociation, numbing, leaving the body, PTSD reactions, etc., etc. She just picks up from there, and talks about having sex that feels good and safe, even though you have these issues.

This is a hard hitting and revealing description of what has occured to the survivor. Many snipett descriptions are revolting for the partners to read. For any partner of a survivor this will help you gain a insight in helping understand just how vile perps are and what the survivor lives with on a daily. The perps are creatures of such evil that society should eradicate them there should be no attempt made to rehabilitae or otherwise allow them to remain in society.

After reading this I have a whole different perspective and respect of my mate and the inner strength she has. The life with a survivor is definitely the biggest rollercoaster ride I have ever experienced. I now am able to understand on some level why there have been times of disconnect, distance, and even the separation. It doesn't make the pain go away but it does make it more understandable. After getting through this book and the many tears shed along the way there was a certain amount of peace I was able to gain knowing I wasn't the cause of some of my partners feelings or lack there of. I can't say that a more solid relationship has developed but there are schemas which allow for some level of management of the relationship problems that develop. When working with surviors in a committed relationship it is imparative that a counsilor versed in these issues is consulted. Good luck, I only wish all the best to anyone who has to address this issue and only hope that the outcome is more positive that what I have experienced. Rikk

I purchased this book about 6 months after I'd checked out the older version from the Library of the survivors' group that I attend. I found the overall tone of the book to be hopeful, positive and encouraging, but also challenging. The author's premise is that it's not only possible to have a healthy sexual self after surviving sexual abuse, it can be the most dynamic part of a survivor's healing practice. The author also cautions that it won't be easy, and that it takes courage and self-love to take on this work. I particularly liked the chapters on Dissociation and Intimacy.

I purchased this book in the hope that it might encourage me to become more comfortable as a sexual being. It has, instead, only served to INCREASE my shame and avoidance of all things sexual. Ms. Haines' solutions are simplistic, her logic flawed. While I do admire her for striving to include people of all sexualities, including GLBTQ persons, polyamorous relationships, and those who practice S/M lifestyles, as those elements are rarely touched on in sexual healing materials, it is thoroughly insulting to suggest that people who do not wish to incorporate such elements into their sex lives are in some way "less than" those who do. Am I any less deserving of healing than someone with a broader range of sexual interests? Logic dictates not. Ms. Haines unequivocally says yes.

I feel worse about myself and my circumstances having read this book than I did before buying it. If a sexual trauma survivor is already well on the road to healing his/her sexual self, has a decent idea of his/her sexual needs and desires, and believes that they correspond with the aforementioned foci of this body of work, this book may well be beneficial in making those needs and desires realities. For anyone taking their first tentative and terrifying steps into reclaiming themselves, I would avoid this book like the plague.

Bought this book as a gift, was a great recommendation by Tristan Taormino. Excellent book, would highly recommend to anyone interested.

I recently recovered memories for the 33 year old sexual trauma of non-consensual intercourse when I was thirteen (13) years old. Through prayer, meditation, talking with God and searching the internet, He led me to this book. It is a book that is free from the constraints of organized religion, prejudice against sexual preferences, and helped introduce safety into the precious need for a healthy understanding of my sexuality. The book allowed me to explore every avenue of sexuality in the safety of my own own mind and body. I am grateful to the authors and contributors of this book, because they gave God a great tool to use in the healing and restoration of my life. If we are willing to make the changes, God will do the rest. Be blessed in your journey to healing and trust what God is telling you . . .