Customer Reviews

Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics)

5 star:		(39)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

It is no exaggeration to say this was the most helpful self-help book i've ever encountered. For a long time I was always a seeker but could never get to the bottom of the "soul sickness" I felt within my deepest sense of self. I was operating under the general theory my soul had been stolen from me in my early childhood. [I was raised by a brutal Amish preacher father who was very abusive physically and emotionally] I could never feel right about who and what I was as a person. This book truly opened my inner eye and gave me the insights and tools to take that mythical inner journey into my own "underworld" and find and retrieve my soul. After many years of depression, divorces, alcoholism, feeling absolutely defective as a human being, this wonderful book brought tears to my eyes, light to my mind, and true healing to my heart. I feel now I am a completely different person than I was during those years of toxic shame hell. While the healing is still ongoing, the light and growth of self esteem I've found are sure and precious treasures "The Universe" , [God?] has blessed me with. If your life seems depressing and out of control and sad; please read and reread this masterful work of self exploration. It can save you from much shame and pain. If you are as toxically shame based as I was, this book could very well save your life and engender a new feeling in your heart and soul: peace and happiness!

Many suffer from the damaging effects of Toxic Shame. A little-explored subject, it causes one to feel defective from the core of one's being. The roots of shame come from abuse and dysfunctionality in the family and early socialization in school. People then tend to measure their worth against external standards and feedback and when it is negative or lacking, can feel a devasting loss of self. Whether perpetrated on an overt or covert level, the damaging effects can last a lifetime, leading people into mental illness, addiction, and crippling disfunctionality.

Bradshaw gives a diagnostic and thereapeutic vocabulary to those who desperately need it. Some people are shamed by the same people over and over again (ie: spouses and family) and need the tools with which to cope. Based on the twelve-step paradigm, Bradshaw shows us how to recognize the signs of toxic shame and how to (with the help of a therapist and/or healing community) eventually overcome it.

John Bradshaw has written a thorough, concise guide to victims who suffer from toxic shame, in order to help them identify the shame they are feeling and then to alleviate and eliminate that shame. An all-intrusive emotion, toxic shame can devastate a life, destroy marriages, and leave the suffering victim alone and confused. Bradshaw has drawn a road map for these victims to help themselves find the way out of the endless cycle of shame and guilt that surrounds their lives every single day. Since he is also a victim of childhood abuse, Bradshaw has a keen insight into the haunting terrors of being ashamed of your family because of alcoholism, drug dependence, sexual abuse...he covers it all. This book is a must-read for the adult who has been raised in a traumatic setting. Healing the Shame that Binds You is a life-line to victims, and can be the first step on the road to recovery from toxic shame and other psychological problems brought on by dysfunctional family situations.

This is a powerful question to ask youself, and those around you, in the face of self-defeating thoughts and comments.

I thought I had converted every shame-wound from my childhood into empowering habits, ones that guide me to solve my biggest problems ---until I reread this book.

The first time that I read this book, 7 years ago, I was so glad to have a name for the shame-wounds that I kept recreating in every aspect of my life.

And once I had a great definition, and many examples of how I not only experienced shame, but also recreated it, I taught myself to respond to my experiences, instead of reacting to them.

But what was missing, in all of these years was someone to mirror my evolved self.

John Bradshaw points out that we who have come from a shame-based childhood need a circle of people who mirror are needs, wants and beliefs, because it was people, our primary caretakers, who passed on to us their disowned shame.

Even though I have read so many books, and have evolved so much, I have had the opportunity to recognize in rereading this book that I need to be witnessed by a circle of people, which I will call my adult family -- without that recognition we all stagnate.

Years ago, I couldn't phathom joining such a group, for 3 reasons:
1. I have no chemical dependencies;
2. I feared that baring my soul to a body of strangers would
mean that I would be permanently humiliated and ashamed;
and,
3. I didn't recognize my need to heal my financial wounds.

Well. Thanks to this book I have found that courage to be more visible to a group who positively contributes to part of my journey. I've also healed so well that even if I bare my soul to someone who is toxic, someone who won't be able to compassionately respond to my authenticity, reading this book has helped me to see that I am more than my dark sides.

I advise anyone reading this book to do so, with pen in hand. And ask yourself what it would be like to grow, while you are visible to people who are free to allow you to be visible to them.

With understanding and appreciation of toxic shame, you will process all of your emotions, and love yourself for that.

Thank you, John Bradshaw.

If I could read only one book of this type, this would be the one. The first half of the book helps you uncover how much shame is threaded throughout your existence and day to day living. The second half helps you learn what to do about it. Don't stop in the middle and make sure you have a lot of caring support if you read this. But I highly recommend it if you are ready to grow!

Healing The Shame That Binds You is an integral read for anyone going through a recovery process. The concept of shame is intangible and esoteric, which makes this book a harder read than some of the more popular self help books, but Bradshaw's work is a classic for a reason. Bradshaw provides an understanding of the pain we carry from the past, the role we take on early in life to control others' emotions, how we continue to live life through others, how this dynamic contributes to depression, and how we can break the cycle. The end of the book overviews a number of tools we can use to further understand 'the shame that binds us'. While I wouldn't recommend Bradshaw's book for anyone new to recovery, it's highly recommended to those who are looking to take their journey into self-realization to a new level and looking to become more intimate with their deepest emotions and difficult memories in order to heal.

It's clear from the beginning how much Bradshaw cares about this topic an how profoundly positive his exploration into this area was a great gift to him. It was refreshing to begin reading Bradshaw's take on shame. I began to see familiars in his descriptions right away and was deeply moved by them. They helped my feel not so isolated, among many other emotions and feelings, in my own challenges with shame. I was disappointed though in the sensationalism in some of his claims and his self-promotion for his other material. I also question intensely his claims about the 12 step programs. He states that no one questions the efficacy of these programs, but many do. The blind support of these programs has no basis in research and in many cases there is support to the idea that while the primary behavior may change, i.e. alcohol abuse, the program continues to foster deep internal shame and feelings of inadequacy in facing the deep underpinnings of addiction in many people. In general I think this book can be a useful tool, but must be buttressed by additional reading by essential voices in this field, i.e. Frances Broucek, et. al. So yes, check this book out, but read it with questions while feeling bathed in recognition and validation. Use the tools that are useful for you and let go of what isn't.

Quite simply this book saved my life. No, I wasn't an addict nor in a 12-step program, but I was in a spiral of which I couldn't pull out. A psychologist friend gave me this book to read and, when I finally and reluctantly did, I couldn't put it down.

No book alone is going to solve your problems, only you can do that. But it will help you understand "why" some things are the way they are and help you formulate a plan on dealing with it.

It didn't happen over night for me, it took a few years of hard work, but today I'm a very different person who can look himself in the mirror without being ashamed. This book helped me create a road map that I was able to follow.

I was amazed at the clarity of what Bradshaw wrote and how I could relate to it. So many things make more sense now. I'm not saying that it fixes you, that still requires personal work, but it sure did explain alot of my own behavior.

i have trouble with low self-esteem. this book has helped me to see why i have low self-esteem. i have enjoyed this book more than any book i have ever purchased