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Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair [Paperback]

Miriam Greenspan
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)

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Book Description

May 11, 2004
Nautilus Book Award Winner

We are all touched at some point by the dark emotions of grief, fear, or despair. In an age of global threat, these emotions have become widespread and overwhelming. While conventional wisdom warns us of the harmful effects of "negative" emotions, this revolutionary book offers a more hopeful view: there is a redemptive power in our worst feelings. Seasoned psychotherapist Miriam Greenspan argues that it's the avoidance and denial of the dark emotions that results in the escalating psychological disorders of our time: depression, anxiety, addiction, psychic numbing, and irrational violence. And she shows us how to trust the wisdom of the dark emotions to guide, heal, and transform our lives and our world.

Drawing on inspiring stories from her psychotherapy practice and personal life, and including a complete set of emotional exercises, Greenspan teaches the art of emotional alchemy by which grief turns to gratitude, fear opens the door to joy, and despair becomes the ground of a more resilient faith in life.

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Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair + The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are + I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough"
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this heartfelt therapeutic manifesto, psychotherapist Greenspan (A New Approach to Women and Therapy) argues that grief, fear and despair are not pathologies to be medicated away but emotions that help us grow psychologically and spiritually. The disavowal of these painful emotions (which she blames on Western culture's privileging of "masculine" reason over "feminine" emotion; lifelong lessons in suppressing emotional pain; and modern psychology's focus on "dispelling feelings, not learning from them") leads to depression, numbness and violence in both individuals and the world at large. But by "attending, befriending, and surrendering" to grief, fear and despair we can effect an "alchemical transformation" through which they become "gratitude, faith and joy." Greenspan's eclectic approach to healing invokes "depth psychology, Hasidic Judaism and Buddhist meditation"; her desire to make "meaning out of suffering" owes something to religious traditions that acknowledge the redemptive value of pain, as well as psychoanalysis's dedication to lighting up the mind's dark recesses, while her praxis includes New Age and recovery movement therapeutics such as visualization, breathing exercises, "chakra bodytalk" and prayer. Drawing on her clinical experience and her own painful recollections of the death of her infant son and her parents' travails during the Second World War, Greenspan writes intensely and compassionately. This is a committed, serious look at the emotions most of us would rather sweep under the rug.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"Greenspan writes intensely and compassionately. This is a committed, serious look at the emotions most of us would rather sweep under the rug."—Publishers Weekly

"The gold standard of books on difficult emotions. This book has the power to heal and change your life and the way you live it."—Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom



"A crucial book that teaches us to alter fundamentally our fearful relationship to deep feelings."—Kim Chernin, Los Angeles Times



"A book of remarkable depth. The author is a brilliant thinker and a natural storyteller. I've read countless books about the difficult emotions. None is as helpful and riveting as this one—or offers as much hope for our personal suffering and turbulent times."—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger



"A modern day alchemist, Greenspan teaches us to turn our pain into wisdom and our fear and sorrow into energy to improve the world. She offers us a clear and profound analysis of what we must do as individuals and as a species to survive these troubled times."—Mary Pipher, Ph.D., author of Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls



"This remarkable book has taught me a whole new way of thinking."—Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People



"A beautiful piece of work destined to become a perennial classic."—Martha Beck, author of Expecting Adam and The Joy Diet



"This is a beautifully written, deeply compassionate, and revolutionary approach to working with the most difficult human emotions. Miriam Greenspan teaches us how to trust our emotions and how to listen to hear the truth they reveal. This is a practical guide that illuminates how the wisdom of the heart can heal ourselves, each other, and our world."—Janet Surrey, Ph.D., founding scholar of the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute at the Stone Center, Wellesley College



"Miriam Greenspan will help you turn the lead in your life into gold of joy and peace. Of equal importance, she helps us see that such changes are not for ourselves alone, but for the whole world."—Henry Grayson, Ph.D., author of The New Physics of Love



"This book is essential reading for all people. It beholds that which is tragic about the human condition but embraces it in a therapeutic and consoling way. Greenspan describes enormous grief and terror—her own and the world's—and explains what it means to surrender to fear, to face straight into it, to 'let it be' as the royal road to sanity, exuberance, and freedom. She is a trustworthy guide for us in these times."—Phyllis Chesler, author of Women and Madness and Woman's Inhumanity to Woman



"Written with grace, clarity, and humility, this book beautifully integrates the psychological, spiritual, and political wisdom necessary for personal and social transformation."—Rabbi Michael Lerner, editor, Tikkun magazine and author of Spirit Matters: Global Healing and the Wisdom of the Soul



"This riveting book is a powerful, urgent appeal for a transformation of our values and the way we conduct our lives. The author is a therapist but she writes not only for other therapists, who will deepen and expand their practice from their reading, but for all of us who struggle daily not to be defeated by the global darkness in which we live."—Sophie Freud, Professor Emerita, Simmons College School of Social Work



"This is a profound and liberating book. Miriam Greenspan helps us to discover the life-redeeming power of the very emotion we most fear. Thus she opens ways to both our integrity and our freedom."—Joanna Macy, author of Widening Circles

Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Shambhala (May 11, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1590301013
  • ISBN-13: 978-1590301012
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.9 x 9.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #97,453 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

It's a very comprehensive book. Emma  |  3 reviewers made a similar statement
Miriam Greenspan's wise book is a warm and helpful guide to dealing with the dark emotions we all experience. Mira Kirshenbaum, Author of seven books including THE EMOTIONAL ENERGY FACTOR and TOO GOOD TO LEAVE, TOO BAD TO STAY  |  2 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
89 of 90 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Definitely a keeper! August 27, 2003
Format:Hardcover
Greenspan's book deserves wider recognition. I found it by accident online and I wish I had seen it earlier.

What I liked best: Greenspan writes from her own experienced as therapist and bereaved mother, a woman who came to the US as a young child and lost her first child due to unexplained brain defects. She knows the darker emotions first-hand.

Even better, Greenspan is not afraid to confront the received wisdom of the psychiatric establishment. Medication works for some depressed clients, but it is only by going into the emotion that we can transform despair into faith and fear into joy. She picks up on the values embedded in the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria: depression is a "mood disorder," which means that only cheerful, upbeat people are "normal."

I found myself making notes of key points that were unusual and insightful. In particular, her discussion of "boomerang emotions" will be especially valuable to anyone who's ever been frustrated in one area and acted out in another. It is easy to make impulsive, often dysfunctional decisions after stifling feelings for a long time. This section is one of the best in the book.

On the downside, I wish Greenspan had been more rigorous. Although her views seem sensible, some research suggets disagreement. For example, one study found that people recovered from grief as well if they were medicated as if they were allowed the full experience. Other studies have demonstrated that people experience grief differently. Some may not need to go deep into the feeling.

Because Greenspan works with therapy patients, she does not discuss the context of these "dark" emotions. Despair can be experienced by someone like William Styron, whom she discusses, as a person who seems on top of the world. But would there be a different experience of despair for someone who just lost a job, has little chance of finding a new job, anticipates old age and perhaps has family stresses too? Despair rooted in real obstacles seems somehow different from despair that has more existential "why are we here" origins. And biologically based depression seems to be different altogether.

Many New Age and popular authors (such as best-selling author Lynn Grabhorn) make exactly the opposite point: if you force yourself to be upbeat, your life gets better. I wish Greenspan had addressed this point directly, as some people do seem to do better after forced cheerfulness. This topic may not be amenable to scientific research but it would be nice to see some science-based discussion.

Finally, I wish Greenspan had stated her credentials on the book jacket. Is she a PhD? Does she have degrees? Has she published articles in academic or research journals? I was a little disconcerted by the discussion of chakras in a book by a more-or-less mainstream therapist.

Then again, Greenspan seems to be making a statement. She doesn't like the way we treat the darker emotions. And maybe she doesn't like the way therapists are categorized and pigeon-holed either. After all, there's no research (as far as I know) demonstrating that certain training results in better therapeutic outcomes. Definitely worth a read.

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75 of 77 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars ESSENTIAL READING FOR ALL PEOPLE. April 3, 2003
Format:Hardcover
From Phyllis Chesler, author of eleven titles, including "Women and Madness" and "Woman's Inhumanity to Woman":

Greenspan is the gentlest and therefore the wisest of healers. Her book is a poem, a prayer, a guide, a ritual. She herself models what can be done. She is vulnerable, grief-stricken, mindful, supple, connecting, and joyful. She describes enormous grief and terror--her own, that of the world's--and explains what it means to surrender to fear, to face straight into it, to "let it be" as the royal road to sanity, rightful action and rightful non-action, and to exuberance and freedom.

This book is very easy to read--but not simplistic; political but not rhetorical; spiritual but not dogmatic; literary but also practical. It beholds that which is tragic about the human condition but embraces it in a therapeutic and consoling way. It is both Jewish and Buddhist, feminist and humanist, grave but sometimes funny. Greenspan provides an excellent discussion of the "alchemy of fear," and of the Buddhist concept of "tonglen": non-action, action, surrender. She is excellent on violence, trauma, numbing, and the consequences of omnipresent media in our lives. Her discussion of the world post 9/11 is compelling. The tone is grave, measured, supple, vital, enchanting.

Greenspan is a trustworthy guide for us in these times.

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63 of 66 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars RIVETING AND WISE March 25, 2003
Format:Hardcover
This is a book of remarkable depth. It is also engaging and wonderfully readable. The author is a brilliant thinker and a natural storyteller. Best of all, I loved the stories from her own life. As a psychologist and writer myself, I've read countless books about the difficult emotions. None is as interesting, helpful, and riveting as this one--or offer as much hope for our personal suffering and turbulent times.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars A profound contemplation on the power of emotions
Your emotions are so incredibly important. Deep healing and spiritual transformation always have an emotional component. And there are such sublime emotions available to us. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Michael
3.0 out of 5 stars Seems Dated
Healing through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear and...

This book makes very good points about working through the dark emotions and I found what it had to... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Delphine DeMore
5.0 out of 5 stars GOOD GUIDE
AM USING THIS AS A GUIDE FOR A COURSE, AND FIND THE AUTHOR'S PHILOSOPHY, PERSONAL STORIES, AND OUTLINE FOR TRANSFORMATION INSPIRING.
Published 5 months ago by Jeanne Harpster
1.0 out of 5 stars Oy veh
I am half way through the book (on Kindle) and I am still waiting for the information on how to use her techniques. Ok, so in chapters 1, 2, 3, etc. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Betsy
5.0 out of 5 stars Learning to Feel
While a little bit exploratory in the way it was written (which for some can make it a bit challenging to read), this is a wonderful book for anyone who is tired of feeling out of... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Ren Morton
5.0 out of 5 stars Losing a loved one or losing your way , read this book!!
I actually have not finished this book, but I can say after reading so many, that this one is the best on loss and savoring your emotions that society tells you to bury. Read more
Published 22 months ago by cherina hirsh
5.0 out of 5 stars Life-Changing
This book gave me a perspective on grief, fear, and despair that no one had ever given me before. It was a revelation to find out that healing takes place quickly and more... Read more
Published on November 1, 2010 by Nancy M.
4.0 out of 5 stars Very comprehensive and useful
I used this book as part of my Buddhist meditation practice. I have chronic illness and was struggling with the feelings discussed in this book, so I thought I'd buy it. Read more
Published on September 14, 2009 by Emma
3.0 out of 5 stars good points
The writer made lots of good points but I found the style of writing tedious.

I also thought the feminist prespective although important was slightly excessive. Read more
Published on February 2, 2009 by KK
5.0 out of 5 stars Compassionate wisdom...
I can't recommend this book highly enough... The author writes is a very direct, honest, down-to-earth style, yet what she has to say is extremely profound. Read more
Published on August 11, 2008 by R. Zubizarreta
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