Customer Reviews

Healing through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Greenspan's book deserves wider recognition. I found it by accident online and I wish I had seen it earlier.

What I liked best: Greenspan writes from her own experienced as therapist and bereaved mother, a woman who came to the US as a young child and lost her first child due to unexplained brain defects. She knows the darker emotions first-hand.

Even better, Greenspan is not afraid to confront the received wisdom of the psychiatric establishment. Medication works for some depressed clients, but it is only by going into the emotion that we can transform despair into faith and fear into joy. She picks up on the values embedded in the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria: depression is a "mood disorder," which means that only cheerful, upbeat people are "normal."

I found myself making notes of key points that were unusual and insightful. In particular, her discussion of "boomerang emotions" will be especially valuable to anyone who's ever been frustrated in one area and acted out in another. It is easy to make impulsive, often dysfunctional decisions after stifling feelings for a long time. This section is one of the best in the book.

On the downside, I wish Greenspan had been more rigorous. Although her views seem sensible, some research suggets disagreement. For example, one study found that people recovered from grief as well if they were medicated as if they were allowed the full experience. Other studies have demonstrated that people experience grief differently. Some may not need to go deep into the feeling.

Because Greenspan works with therapy patients, she does not discuss the context of these "dark" emotions. Despair can be experienced by someone like William Styron, whom she discusses, as a person who seems on top of the world. But would there be a different experience of despair for someone who just lost a job, has little chance of finding a new job, anticipates old age and perhaps has family stresses too? Despair rooted in real obstacles seems somehow different from despair that has more existential "why are we here" origins. And biologically based depression seems to be different altogether.

Many New Age and popular authors (such as best-selling author Lynn Grabhorn) make exactly the opposite point: if you force yourself to be upbeat, your life gets better. I wish Greenspan had addressed this point directly, as some people do seem to do better after forced cheerfulness. This topic may not be amenable to scientific research but it would be nice to see some science-based discussion.

Finally, I wish Greenspan had stated her credentials on the book jacket. Is she a PhD? Does she have degrees? Has she published articles in academic or research journals? I was a little disconcerted by the discussion of chakras in a book by a more-or-less mainstream therapist.

Then again, Greenspan seems to be making a statement. She doesn't like the way we treat the darker emotions. And maybe she doesn't like the way therapists are categorized and pigeon-holed either. After all, there's no research (as far as I know) demonstrating that certain training results in better therapeutic outcomes. Definitely worth a read.

From Phyllis Chesler, author of eleven titles, including "Women and Madness" and "Woman's Inhumanity to Woman":

Greenspan is the gentlest and therefore the wisest of healers. Her book is a poem, a prayer, a guide, a ritual. She herself models what can be done. She is vulnerable, grief-stricken, mindful, supple, connecting, and joyful. She describes enormous grief and terror--her own, that of the world's--and explains what it means to surrender to fear, to face straight into it, to "let it be" as the royal road to sanity, rightful action and rightful non-action, and to exuberance and freedom.

This book is very easy to read--but not simplistic; political but not rhetorical; spiritual but not dogmatic; literary but also practical. It beholds that which is tragic about the human condition but embraces it in a therapeutic and consoling way. It is both Jewish and Buddhist, feminist and humanist, grave but sometimes funny. Greenspan provides an excellent discussion of the "alchemy of fear," and of the Buddhist concept of "tonglen": non-action, action, surrender. She is excellent on violence, trauma, numbing, and the consequences of omnipresent media in our lives. Her discussion of the world post 9/11 is compelling. The tone is grave, measured, supple, vital, enchanting.

Greenspan is a trustworthy guide for us in these times.

This is a book of remarkable depth. It is also engaging and wonderfully readable. The author is a brilliant thinker and a natural storyteller. Best of all, I loved the stories from her own life. As a psychologist and writer myself, I've read countless books about the difficult emotions. None is as interesting, helpful, and riveting as this one--or offer as much hope for our personal suffering and turbulent times.

This book is beautifully written, moving, and passionate. Greenspan's basic idea is that if we mindfully experience grief, fear, and despair, we will heal our pain and discover some fundamental truths about life. She tells her own story, stories from her clients, and engages in deft cultural critique of our emotion-phobic culture. She also situates our personal emotional experiences in a wider culture, developing a brilliant and original 'ecology of emotion.'
You won't forget this book.

Everyone has losses. Everyone has wounds. This is not the end of joy but the beginning, if only we can learn to live with and find ourselves in our feelings, and embrace the life that waits for us on the other side of our pain. Miriam Greenspan's wise book is a warm and helpful guide to dealing with the dark emotions we all experience. As a writer and therapist myself I know how needed her book is and how valuable what she has to offer is. This is a must read for everyone.

A relatively recent book with the simple but profound concept that fear, grief and despair contain the seeds of great wisdom, vitality and balance when they are experienced fully rather than phobically avoided. It demonstrates how our aversion to pain sabotages our search for happiness. I often recommend this book in my psychotherapy practice.

I am a 9/11 survivor and this book really helped me accept my feelings rather than judging myself for having them. I bought this at Amazon.com from an Awesome Deal I found on DailyTool.com.

I can't recommend this book highly enough... The author writes is a very direct, honest, down-to-earth style, yet what she has to say is extremely profound. Like the little boy who says, "look, but the emperor has no clothes", she compassionately yet clearly through the cultural myths and denial that envelop and alienate us from the truth of our own direct experience.

I came to this book having read plenty of other books already on "the shadow", "befriending our pain", the dangers of "spiritual bypass", etc. etc. etc. so I was initially concerned that I might find some of this material old-hat or repetitive. Instead, I was delighted to find that the author offers a fresh and original take on these valuable subjects from the perspective of both Jewish spirituality and mysticism, as well as from the wisdom of her own hard-won experience.

The stories that the author shares from her own life, as well as the stories of the clients who have been fortunate enough to have her as a therapist, point to the real possibility of transformation and healing, by learning to listen to the wisdom of the "dark emotions". I found this book highly inspiring, and would recommend it to anyone who wants to find their way through and beyond the truth of suffering...

While I have never met the author, I want to say a heartfelt "thank you" for having written such a powerfully moving book...

This book gave me a perspective on grief, fear, and despair that no one had ever given me before. It was a revelation to find out that healing takes place quickly and more thoroughly when these emotions are embraced, instead of trying to get rid of them or go beyond them.

I used this book as part of my Buddhist meditation practice. I have chronic illness and was struggling with the feelings discussed in this book, so I thought I'd buy it.

I'm very impressed with the way the author writes. It's a very comprehensive book. At times I find the writing a little too dry, or dense, but I think that's just a personal perspective. (My illness involves a lot of fatigue, so I prefer books that are written in short sections and with a little bit more lightness).

There are sections throughout the book with ideas for dealing with feelings of despair and grief and so far, I've found them really useful.

I do think I would have struggled with this book though, if I didn't already have an established meditation practice that I could 'slot' some of the books ideas into, and also a psychologist that I was consulting. If I'd started just with this book I think I would have been a little overwhelmed.

I think this book would be useful for both professionals and people wanting to use it to deal with personal problems. For a book that covers similar issues, but in a lighter tone, I'd recommend Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. (Or, for free, check out some of her talks on itunes).