Healthy Dependency: Leaning on Others Without Losing Yourself [Hardcover]

Robert F. Bornstein (Author), Mary A. Languirand (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 9, 2003

From the psychologist who coined the phrase "healthy dependency"—the first and only book that outlines its four key steps and helps readers understand and use these principles to achieve balance in love, in friendships, with family, and at work.

The research is clear: Too much dependency in our relationships can be a bad thing, but too little dependency is just as bad. Healthy dependency—that flexible middle ground between rigid independence and unhealthy overdependence—is the ability to balance intimacy and autonomy, lean on others while maintaining a strong sense of self, and feel good (not guilty) about asking for help when you need it.

The authors' studies confirm that healthy dependency brings a wealth of positive effects including: • increased satisfaction in love relationships
• greater likelihood of academic and career success
• better family communication and improved parenting skills
• enhanced physical and psychological health

This unique book, meticulously organized and laced throughout with case studies, anecdotes, relationship-style questionnaires, and research findings, draws from the authors' more than 20 years of research and clinical experience. A valuable guide to achieving healthy relationships between men and women of all ages, it will help readers identify where they are on the relationship continuum, and understand the skills they will need to address in order to strengthen their personal, professional, and family relationships.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Yes, Virginia, dependency can be healthy—at least according to Bornstein, a professor of psychology at Gettysburg College who specializes in dependency issues, and his wife Languirand, a private therapist. The couple, both of whom are multi-published contributors to books and articles for professional and lay readers, extol "depending on people without becoming dependent on them." They explore this subject in great depth, from an assessment of the causes and ramifications of dependency disorders to an examination of healthy dependency in professional and personal relationships. Bornstein and Languirand articulate four key skills, including "relationship flexibility" and "connection-based thinking," which they say are necessary to attain a balanced blend of intimacy, autonomy, trust and self-confidence. The authors’ textbook approach (replete with case studies, charts, graphs, statistics and quizzes, not to mention some redundancies) is sincere, thorough and learned, but at times overly pedantic. Still, in a world in which time, energies and emotions are fragmented and an increasing dependence on technology can isolate and detach people from each another, this book offers good advice on maintaining the right connections.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Robert F. Bornstein, Ph.D., is currently a professor of psychology at Gettysburg College, and has published more than 100 articles and 30 book chapters on psychological diagnosis, testing, and treatment. Mary A. Languirand, Ph.D., is co-author of The Thinking Skills Workbook, a pioneering treatment manual for cognitive remediation in older adults. She is in full-time private practice counseling older adults and their families, as well as health professionals about the complexities of nursing home, assisted care, and in-home services. The authors are married and live in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. They are also the authors of When Someone You Love Needs Nursing Home, Assisted Living, or In-Home Care—The Complete Guide.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; 1 edition (January 9, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1557045364
• ISBN-13: 978-1557045362
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #734,577 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Robert F. Bornstein received his PhD in Clinical Psychology from the State University of New York at Buffalo in 1986, completed an internship at the Upstate Medical Center in Syracuse, NY, and is Professor of Psychology at Adelphi University. Dr. Bornstein has published more than 150 articles and book chapters on personality dynamics, diagnosis, and treatment. His research has been funded by grants from the National Institute of Mental Health and the National Science Foundation, and he received the American Psychological Association's 2005 Theodore Millon Award for Excellence in Personality Research.

Mary A. Languirand received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from the State University of New York at Buffalo in 1987, and completed an internship in clinical geropsychology at the R. H. Hutchings Psychiatric Center in Syracuse, NY. Dr. Languirand is coauthor of The Thinking Skills Workbook (Charles C. Thomas, 1980, 1984, 2000), a treatment manual for cognitive remediation in older adults. She now practices full-time in Long Island, NY, providing clinical services to individuals and families, and consulting to multidisciplinary professional teams in skilled nursing facilities.

The authors are married and live in Westbury, NY. They are also the authors of Healthy Dependency: Leaning on Others Without Losing Yourself (Newmarket Press, 2003).

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Concept, March 3, 2004

By 

Janey Lee "hanee" (New York, NY United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Healthy Dependency: Leaning on Others Without Losing Yourself (Hardcover)

In this modern world, we are taught to always be independent and self-reliant. However this ideal can cause problems in real life. If we are supposed to be self reliant, how can we form healthy relationships with others?

I have learned a lot from this book about how to let go and ask for help. Also, I have learned to deal with those in my life who are really needy and are always looking for help!

I liked most the sections on healthy dependency and family, but it cover the topics of parenthood, work relationships and romance as well.

This book is clearly written and easy to understand. You don't need to be a psychology expert to get it. There are quizzes and worksheets to help you figure out what is your dependency profile. (You can see some of the quizzes on the web site http://www.healthydependency.com).

Like many psychology books, this one helps you to understand the motives that are behind behaviors. Once you understand the motives, you can make informed decisions and maybe even positive changes in your life. Also, it helps you understand others.

I highly recommend it.