Customer Reviews

Healthy Selfishness: Getting the Life You Deserve Without the Guilt

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I don't usually write reviews (too busy trying to get enough time to enjoy reading) but this time I had to say something. The review before this was clearly not about this book. Healthy Selfishness is one of the most encouraging, most loving books I've ever read. There isn't a harsh or mean thing in it.

I know reviews allow all kinds of people to say all kinds of things with anonymity. So, instead of arguing, I'll simply say, this book helped me to find A BALANCE IN MY LIFE AND A JOY IN MY HEART I HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN.

Here's an example of the kind of writing in Healthy Selfishness that has helped me remember how I deserve to be treated. I've taken the Heller's own words straight out of the book:

"To be Healthfully Selfish to is know your limits and to accept and respect them; to rest when you are tired, provide yourself with nourishing, appealing food when you are hungry, to go to the bathroom you feel the urge, to get emotional and physical nurturing without feeling that you must earn it and, in all things to accept (and even appreciate!) that you are not perfect.

"Healthy Selfishness brings with it a zest for living that is astounding, a joy that comes from truly experiencing - deep within yourself - your accomplishments, and a pride in your ability to determine how you will be treated by those around you - no matter how important they are in your life."

I've waited a long time to find a book that really, truly offered help and hope with a loving, giving hand. I just want to say that it hurts me to see good people and a great book trashed by a faceless person who may have some other agenda.

Most of all, it bothers me to think of all the people who could get so much from this book and who might be turned off by someone else's mischievous review. That's why I wrote this review: to say don't let someone else's unfounded negativity ruin your chance at a much, much better life.

The first time I saw the title, I knew I needed this book but I didn't know how much I needed it until I began to read it.

I'm making changes, some big and some small, but all of them are important to ME!

And my husband, my son and my mother are actually handling it quite well (never thought I'd say that)!

I was sick of taking care of everyone else and always coming last.

I didn't think I could really take control but with each day, my whole life is changing for the better. I actually wake up happy and look forward to my day!

And guess what! Just like the book says, I don't feel guilty.

Thank you, Dr. and Dr. Heller.

Two weeks ago I was a different person. With all that I had in life I was still feeling unhappy. I was tired of taking care of everybody else and always coming last. I was starting to resent my husband and twin girls and I felt totally alone. My sister and mother's subtle put-downs were setting me off more and more easily. I felt like I was in a downward spiral.

Since I bought this book everything has changed. I really mean it. I've started listening to what I want and need and putting limits on the way people treat me. Instead of getting upset it seems like they respect me more. Even my DH.

It's like everyone has been waiting for me to say I'd had enough and this book showed me how to do it without feeling guilty.

I started wiith the chapters on Healthy Selfishness with your Kids and the chapter on Family and your Mate. They were great. Next I'm going to read the chapter on Healthy Selfishness in the Bedroom : )

This book cuts through the self imposed niceies of peoples and says "yes you can be nice and selfish to!". Believe me, using healthy boundaries in relationships actually improves them or those that don't like being told no, will find someone else to abuse. I recommend this book if boundaries are something you find hard to enforce.

It's got "Selfishness" in the title. It really doesn't endorse healthy views, in my opinion. People are already too selfish.

I read this book and frankly, it's a bit confusing. It almost seems as if these people are speaking from a point more of vengeance than of well meaning.

The advice seems so masked and angry. It seems to encourage a kind of self centered narcissism that can truly harm a person and devastate the family dynamic.

My mother is a psychiatrist and my father is a surgeon so we were all looking at this book from different angles. But we all came surprisingly to the same conclusion. The feel of the entire book seems to lean very much toward celebrating the victim role. I always thought I was doing too much for everyone and I know I have to pull back and save some for myself, but this book and its advice goes far over the edge.

It is one thing to have a life in balance, it's quite another to encourage full blown narcissistic gluttony at the expense of everyone else around you. This book just may cause more harm than good. That is if one is to take these 'experts' seriously. Coming from two authors whose only other books are about losing weight. Quite the stretch we think.

Cheers,

Rosemary T.

London, UK