Customer Reviews

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

5 star:		(957)
4 star:		(213)
3 star:		(89)
2 star:		(85)
1 star:		(145)

 

 

This was an excellent book - I cannot tell you how much this book helped our sleepless, colicky infant. But, several friends with non-colicky babies actually recommended this for any infant. This book is a wonderful middle ground for those parents who do not want a severe schedule (BABYWISE) or the opposite end of the spectrum, attachment parenting (Dr. Sears). It was the only book that I found that spoke knowledgeably about colic, and gave the only helpful advice available on the subject (believe me, we tried it all). It is not a cry-it-out book, although some may look at it in that light. What it teaches you is this: 1. watch your child. 2. put him/her down to sleep when you first see the signs of tiredness 3. most children under 6 months do not stay awake for longer than 2-3 hours at a time without needing a nap. 4. DO NOT just put your child down to nap when you feel like it - that's just letting him/her cry, not TEACHING them to sleep. 5. Most children need to go to sleep at night earlier than you'd think. 6. Going to bed earlier promotes later sleeping (weird, but true. As the author says, it's not logical. It's biological - sleep promotes sleep) There's a lot more too. I really like that the author's data is based on studies that he has done involving the patterns of children who naturally sleep and nap well. No, it didn't give us a perfect baby. We happen to have a very sensitive high strung girlie, who also power-naps. But we went from a cranky post-colicky baby who took no naps or 15-20min naps and got up many times per night to a sweet smiling girl who now takes 3 45min-1 hour naps per day and sleeps from 6pm-7am (waking 2 times to nurse). Oh yes. The nursing. She used to think that nursing was the only way to get to sleep. After diligently following the advice in this book, she now can get to sleep on her own, no nursing. Not that it's perfect - she still cries 5-15 minutes at times before naps. But she is sooooooo much happier now. Gotta think something's working.

A friend purchased this book for us before our son was born, and we read it cover-to-cover. When our little guy entered the world, it didn't take long to discover that he had horrid colic, acid reflux to boot, and wouldn't even sleep lying down. We used his swing at firt, and as a breastfeeding mom, he often landed in bed somewhere in the middle of the night. I was determined, however, to have him in his crib before I went back to work at 3 months and this book helped me accomplish that... until he was about 6 months.

Once he was old enough to "decide" what he liked and didn't like, and probably due to seperation anxiety- he wouldn't go to sleep easy (cried every night) and began to wake a lot at night, crying for HOURS. After two weeks of the "ignore him" method, and then going "this isn't working at alL!", we tried another 3-4 weeks using the Ferber method (go in every few minutes). We were pulling our hair out. He was SOOOOO unhappy all day after a night of crying, and it got to the point where when you went to put him in his crib for a nap, he would arch his back and just sob... and scream at night. NO ONE was sleeping. Once he could stand (at 7 mos), he would cling to the bars of his crib crying and if he fell asleep, it was curled in the corner with his face against the bars... and we'd be off to a bad start from the moment he woke in the morning.

I started to give up.

Plain and simple. I couldn't do it. My husband and I had not slept in the same bed for more than a month at this point since we "alternated" whose turn it would be to listen to our son cry or try to sooth him in his crib. One of us would sleep seperate in the guest bedroom so at least the other could sleep(we are both attorneys, so our jobs require some level of executive functioning during the day). So one night, I broke down and put him in my bed around 3, and walla, he slept. The next night he was up five or six times between bedtime and again at about 3 my husband gave in. A few days later I got sick... with pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for 5 days (I do not smoke). The doctors kept asking how long I had been so sick and frankly, I hadn't noticed- because I was SO totally exhausted all the time and at wits end... I just thought I was a mom who was tired!

While I was away, my husband let our son sleep with him. And for the first time in almost two months, they both actually slept. I remember when I came home, I was annoyed, but what could I say to a man whose wife was in the hospital and who had been trying to take care of his son when he was totally exhausted? I was too tired to care, but as I watched him laying between us in bed the first night I came home, I couldn't help but feel this sense of guilt as I thought: "I swore I would never be one of those kid-in-my-bed people".

I'm one of them now. At 8 months, I've had the best three weeks of sleep since he was born. He doesn't "cuddle" or disturb us, he just sleeps better for some reason. And he wakes up happy, takes naps (IN HIS CRIB!) readily, and I don't know what else to say, other then, "it doesn't always work for everyone." I regret that I went through more than a month of that crying before letting go of the notion that what works for some kid because I read it in a book, will work for my kid. If being a parent were that easy, we'd all buy a manual and raise little drones.

So... Did I like the book? Yes. I think he's right that kids NEED sleep. Do I think that if you just hang in there- the crying will stop eventually? I don't know... more than a month was too long and I'd never do it again. Our pediatrician told us he believes a child at 7 months should never cry more than an hour. He also told us that he grew up in Bombay, slept in his parent's bed 'till he was 8, and turned out perfectly normal (and sleeps fine, without some weird attachment problem today) (that was in response to our very embarrased "well, he's been sleeping with us...") So maybe he's biased because in other countries they would never do the "put your kid in a crib and let them cry" method. Or MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, there is no perfect sleep solution that works for every kid. Maybe you can be coddled and turn out normal, or cry it out and have sleep problems later. I know plenty of people who slept all night like perfec babies in cribs who are on Lunestra and Ambien today...

Point is... read them all, or read none. At the end of the day, try different methods and don't beat yourself up when you choose something different than you read from one doctor last week. There's a book for everything and every kind of parenting, and 1000 parents who will march to the beat of that drum (or drink the cool-aid, depending on how you look at it!).

Be a parent, be flexible, and if you don't want to let your kid cry for a few weeks, put this one back on the shelf.

I generally like to start my reviews by saying what I liked about the book I read. In my opinion, the best and most important point made by this book is that sleep is vital for babies. Parents should be on the lookout for signs their child might be suffering from lack of it, and should also make sure their lifestyles do not interfere with their child's healthy sleep. I also appreciated the author's input about sleep problems and solutions for older children.

I disagreed most with the idea that it is generally a good idea to allow children to cry as long as it takes to get them to sleep at night. Will this method do long term psychological damage? The author says no, and I agree that is probably correct. Okay, so the child won't be delinquent as a teenager, or hate you as an adult. But as a parent, my question is which method is easiest on the child in the short term, as well as being effective in the long term? Frankly, I don't want my child to be unnecessarily miserable, even if it's only for a few nights. Further, I simply couldn't listen to screaming cries for any length of time without intervention.

For the parent interested in sleep "training", I think Dr. Richard Ferber offers a better method. Even Dr. Weissbluth admits Ferber's method's work- he simply thinks they may be too difficult for some parents to apply. Well, I think a little more difficulty may be worth while if the child has an easier time.

Oddly, Dr. Weissbluth claims to have no problems with the "family bed". However, I find his family bed advice confusing, and most of the tips he offers throughout the book seem to be incompatible with the practice. If anybody is practicing the family bed, they should definitely go with Dr. William Sears, whose advice is much more compatible with that arrangement. Dr. Sears is also a good choice for those who find Dr. Ferber too harsh and want the gentlest methods possible.

I tend to disagree with the view of some "attachment parents" that babies always develop the sleep habits that are best for them. There are babies who simply need parental leadership here, and there are also babies whose habits are disruptive to the family. So if parents think their baby has a problem, they should read several books about the topic, and adapt the different views to their personal situation and temperment of their individual child. I think that will lead to a better solution than reading just one book and treating it as a bible.

Hurry for Dr. Weissbluth! My one year old is now going to bed at 8 and sleeping through the night (4 nights and counting) for the first time in his life. He is also beginning to nap in his crib. A cloud has lifted from our house. This book combines discussions on sleep research with practical how-to information. Weissbluth emphasizes keeping the child from becoming over tired and training the child to achieve sleep continuity. He does recommend allowing a child to cry if neccasary, but that is not the ideal or primary thrust of the approach (like Ferber). I found this approach to be more logical and research based than many popular sleep books. It is better than Sears' "Nighttime Parenting" if you have a child with real sleep issues. It is more scientific and practical than "Babywise" (which my pediatrician says is based on poor research). It is a gentler approach than Ferber, who I feel puts too much emphasis on the act of crying. Also, this approach allows greater flexibility than Ferber's method.

Though I love the idea of attachment parenting, and have tried diligently to attend to my son's needs 24/7 for the past 13 months, I was getting wiped out. I had to face the fact that I had absolutely no time to even use the bathroom by myself, and that mothering without a break at all was causing me to be impatient, grumpy, and ill-tempered with my child and husband. I was not at all the picture of the serene, smiling, educated attachment mom that I wanted to be. So, I gave in. I bought this book on Wednesday, and it's now the following Monday. My 13-month-old son is napping calmly twice per day, and he continues to sleep through the night. Previously, his night sleep was great, but he would only nap if I would hold him, thereby immobilizing myself for one to two hour stretches, twice per day. Plus, this sort of sleep was not restorative for him.

I give the book only 4 stars, though, because some degree of crying seems inescapable, and I wish that it weren't. At worst, however, my dear child cried for 15 minutes. Now, he doesn't cry at all, or for just a second. Can you imagine laying your child in his bed, saying "sweet dreams, little one," and closing the door without a fuss? Plus, Dr. Weissbluth helped me to differentiate between crying for needs and "protest crying." He doesn't advocate sending the child to bed when he's not tired, and having him cry until he's so exhausted he falls asleep. This is important. Best of all, I am recharged and ready to play with my son, read to him, cook for him, take him visiting and to the park... previously, I was just too exhausted to do this stuff cheerfully or well!

Dr. Weissbluth's method stresses flexibility, and he gives many options. There are concessions made for co-sleeping mother-child pairs, as well as moms who would like to nurse their child to sleep. He understands that all children (and parents!) are unique, and his book can help all types of families to better enjoy their time together. WHAT A RELIEF!

Our daughter slept with us in the family bed for 8 months. We loved it but I was tired of being a 24 hour a day mom since I lay beside her during naps. I looked for an approach to help her nap in her crib. Sears and other co-sleep advocates weren't very specific or helpful in this area. Ferber was relatively against the family bed and his techniques sounded too harsh to me. Weissbluth was almost the perfect solution. He was okay with co-sleeping and nursing the baby to sleep. He explained sleep and sleep training with the goal of helping readers find their child's natural rhythms and preventing sleep problems, instead of treating sleep as a problem (see Ferber). Weissbluth's methods resulted in some crying, but not "crying it out" by any means. Putting the baby to sleep at the right time was key. It took some patience, but after 2 weeks of daytime nap training she really caught on. Then we started putting her to sleep in her crib at 7:30 pm, intending to bring her into our bed when she woke. To our surprise, after 3 nights she slept in her crib until 7 am. I sometimes miss the family bed but we're all better rested now, and we can always cuddle in the morning.

UPDATE --

I re-read everything I wrote previously and it's all still true -- I think Weissbluth knows about that which he writes, but never forget that YOU know your own child best. I lost a lot of sleep over this book three years ago because I tormented myself for "failing" my son when it "wasn't working." Give yourself more credit! That said, my three-month-old daughter is a textbook sleeper for the most part. She is the one that I was convinced didn't exist when my son was this age. I've been able to put her down awake 75% to 90% of the time since she was born without her crying at all. To be honest, I'm still somewhat shocked about it. This just reinforces that the best path is to respond to your individual child's needs as best you can because each is SUCH an individual. I handle my daughter the same way I handled my son regarding attached parenting and sleep and she just "gets" going to sleep much more so than he did.

What also intrigues me is how spot-on the sleep patterns are -- my daughter's naps are still all over the map despite my attempts to adhere to a routine when possible, but when she's down for the night she's down -- with a few nighttime feedings, naturally, as she ends up in bed with my husband and me. My son still goes to bed early at almost 4 years old, gave up his nap early (2 1/2) in favor of earlier bedtime (6:00 then, 6:45ish now) and having the evenings "free" really works for my husband and me -- family time is in the morning. Do what works for YOU, your kids, and your whole family -- that's the most important thing!

Original review --

I have been a mom for six months now and I've learned more than I would have imagined. Most importantly I recognize that nothing in life is as straightforward as any book makes it out to be and it took me a long time to come to terms with that. I have waited for the day that I could write a review of this book reporting my AMAZING results. I decided to write now instead!

My son slept in bed with my husband and me for the first five months. We did it because we believed that was where a baby should be, and it worked for all of us. My son also did all his napping in a cloth sling. As he grew, this started NOT working for us, and I did some serious soul-searching.

I consider myself an attached parent. I have difficulty bearing my son crying, ever. If my son would have been able to continue napping with me I would have done it. But he didn't. Every time I would put him down, he would immediately wake up, either at bedtime or for a nap. It got to the point that he would go 12 hours during the day without any sleep at all and only be able to get to sleep at night nursing. He wasn't a raging beast, he just seemed like he needed more sleep. My gut, my instinct said sleep was important and that he wasn't getting it. Especially when people said, "When he needs to sleep, he'll sleep!" Not my social butterfly!

I wholeheartedly support attachment parenting, especially sleeping with your children -- as long as it works for everyone. My husband wasn't comfortable with the idea of our son in our bed for the long haul, so we decided to try Weissbluth's book upon many friends' recommendations.

I believe Weissbluth knows what he is talking about. I have observed my son for two months now and can see the periods of wakefulness in his arousals at night, the maximum time he can be awake without becoming overtired... all these things make sense and I have seen them in my son. He now takes two naps (which vary in length daily) and I put him down awake. I also put him to bed awake at night. MOST of the time, this works without causing him distress. Sometimes it doesn't, and we both cry for a while.

As I said at the beginning, I waited to write a review so I could report a "perfect" result... Life isn't perfect. When my sweet baby needs to sleep, I try to help and let him take it from there. Most of the time he gets there without getting crabby; sometimes he's ticked. Life is like that. I don't think I'd be doing him any favors if I wasn't consistent.

You know your own child. If your child needs you, you know. If your child is overtired, you know. This book will help you slowly but surely figure out how to keep your child from being overtired and most of the time it will work. I still have trouble coping when he has trouble getting to sleep, but certainly all of us are in better spirits more and more often, because my son is much more well rested.

I absolutely believe sincere effort to observe your own child and watch his or her cues is the key -- you want to give your child what he or she needs. All parents do. Sleep is a big need. Good luck!

The thesis in this book is one of the best that we've read on baby sleep. As parents of a fussy 3-month baby, we've learned to put her to sleep before she gets tired and to focus on an earlier bedtime.

However, we can only give this book a single star because it is without a doubt one of the most poorly written books we have ever read. It is as if the publishers simply printed the raw manuscript without any editing. The book is poorly organized, repetitious and at points seemingly contradictory. For several sections the author is more interested in presenting research than getting to the critical punchline. Even the summarized "action plans" at the end of each chapter are useless because they refer to terms that are either specific to the book or oftentimes defined in later chapters. The whole thing could have been presented in 4 pages instead of 457. Trying to read the book while managing a new baby has been one of the most frustrating things we've undertaken in the last two weeks.

I wanted to respond to the person who reviewed this book from Calgary. I am also from Calgary. Although the quotes you mentioned from the book are acurate, the context in which you have placed them in your review are not. I am a caring mother with a 7 mth old. I bought this book when my child was 3 mths old. The reason I read the entire book was because of its flexibility. In the section 4-12 mths where he suggests starting to allow your child to cry he also points out that if you are not ready for this approach to try again later when your child is older. We followed the Dr.'s advice. I was not comfortable with allowing my child to cry. The Dr. says that sleep training does not involve crying if you time it correctly and follow the biological sleep cycles of your child. We found that this book was a happy medium between those "experts" who suggest sleeping with your child until they are 12 and the other "experts" who suggest you let your child "cry it out" at 3 wks old. You definately have to take this program and modify it for yourself. He suggests you watch your baby and do what works best for you and your family. Nothing you read can be followed straight to the letter and work for everyone. I found as a new mother I was desperate to read something that would tell me the "right" information. The fact is, you just have to find what works for you and makes you feel good about being a parent and what works for your child. I now have a little boy who sleeps 9-11, 1-3, and the entire night from 7pm to 7am. He is happy and cheerful and loves his crib and all things associated with sleeping. Just a note, in total (over the past 4 mths of doing the program) this has involved about 20 minutes of crying total (not per day, or per sleep time). You do not have to leave them to cry to have this program work for you! Congrats Dr. for a book that CAN work for everyone.

I'm an educated woman--I have a PhD and everything--and while I realize that several months of sleep deprivation may have clouded my thinking somewhat, I was completely baffled by this book. The 'range' of solutions offered seemed to contradict one another and only left me feeling more confused than helped. Many reviewers have referred to "the Program" offered in the book--but I have hunted through it twice now and still do not find a "program" so much as a series of statistics and interesting observations that do not lead to any unified conclusion at all. WHat does it mean to say that you have to figure out which method works best for "your child" (vis cry, maybe cry, no cry)--who out there is thinking "MY child really NEEDS to cry for three hours"? I'm not saying that extinction doesn't work--but either advise it or don't. All the hedging and second guessing the book offers makes me feel profoundly inadequate no matter WHAT I do. Even when a technique WORKS, I keep thinking "but maybe I'm should have done it some other way."
I'm struck by how many people found this book clear and helpful. Perhaps it is just me and I don't do well with ambiguity. But I must say that I feel much worse having read this book than I did previously.