I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me?: The Strategic Use of Nonverbal Communication in Mediation [Hardcover]

Barbara G. Madonik (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0787957097 | ISBN-13: 978-0787957094 | Publication Date: October 15, 2001 | Edition: 1st

I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me? is a fascinating, original, and invaluable tool kit filled with practical information and techniques for mediators who want to use nonverbal communication to their strategic advantage. Employing a proven process, Barbara Madonik--communication expert, mediator, and international consultant--reveals what it takes to understand, analyze, and utilize nonverbal communication to greatly enhance the mediation process.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"It is a useful guidebook that should be read several times to capture its wealth of information." (The Texas Mediator, Fall 03)

Review

"Ms. Madonik's book has shown me that professionally there is always something beneficial to learn with respect to modern persuasion tactics. The judiciary, lawyers, and mediators will reap a significant gain through the reading of this book."
—The Honourable Mr. Justice Ronald E. Stauth, Ontario Court of Justice (Family Division)

"This book details an excellent set of nonverbal techniques to help mediators resolve conflicts and break impasses. It also presents negotiators with the tools to gain a strategic advantage during their next negotiation."
—John Barkai, professor, University of Hawaii School of Law

"This book gives mediators a promising array of insights and tools, drawn from Barbara Madonik's background in communications, for building understanding and improving rapport in mediation. It will be especially helpful to lawyers/mediators whose focus has been on content and advocacy and who now wish to develop greater sensitivity and skill in interpersonal communication in the specific context of mediation."
—David G. Price, lawyer and mediator, chair, Alternative Dispute Resolution Section, Canadian Bar Association (Ontario)

"Barbara Madonik has created a very helpful and much-needed exploration of the hidden dimensions of mediation. Her sensitivity to all of the complicated nuances of nonverbal communication is well expressed in this book. Mediators will find both practical guidance and a new set of tools for understanding the interpersonal dynamics of the mediation process."
—David A. Hoffman, attorney, mediator, and arbitrator, member, Hill & Barlow, P.C.

"Ms. Madonik provides the tools to access a whole new dimension in mediation. Her book should be required reading for every mediator who desires to reach and respond to parties more effectively."
—Melissa Janis, president, Dovetail Solutions, LLC

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1st edition (October 15, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0787957097
• ISBN-13: 978-0787957094
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #333,180 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION BIBLE, November 5, 2001

By 

Ronald Mills (Los Angeles, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me?: The Strategic Use of Nonverbal Communication in Mediation (Hardcover)

This is, beyond doubt, the most practical, well-written book on nonverbal communication in print today. It not only provides a primer on noverbal communication in general, but delivers plenty of real world nut-and-bolts strategies designed to sharpen the reader's communication and negotiation skills. It demonstrates how to notice and appropriately respond to the nonverbal communication cues provided by the person you are dealing with, to the benefit of both parties. You could attend a dozen seminars on the subject and never get the breadth and depth of the information provided. The arena in which the author applies her considerable skills is mediation. But don't let that deter you if you not in the legal field. The book is a gem. Read it, enjoy it, and profit by it soon.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I hear what you say, but what are you telling me?, March 6, 2002

By 

dana tait (Malibu, California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me?: The Strategic Use of Nonverbal Communication in Mediation (Hardcover)

This book has something for everyone. The step by step analysis of the mediation process is very helpful. The author takes each step of the mediation process and carefully explains how to be a more effective mediator. Each chapter is packed with details of how to become a more effective communicator, while improving the mediation process. Even the most experienced mediators can benefit from the wide range of new ideas that Ms. Madonik brings to the mediation process. I have favorite sections that include how to ask more productive questions and building instant rapport. This is a must for every mediator's personal library--sure to become a classic!
(Dana Tait, attorney-mediator, private practice,
Malibu,California).

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Very Valuable Resource, September 12, 2006

By 

A. J. Bradbury "Andy B." (England) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me?: The Strategic Use of Nonverbal Communication in Mediation (Hardcover)

This is definitely one of the best books on NLP that I have read, and I've read over 150 such books.

Why do I rate it so highly?

1. Because the author has picked a very specific application - mediation - and the particular NLP tools she sees as being relevant to that process, and then she stays focused right through the book without wandering off into other areas that that may or may not be related.

2. Because the author makes no attempt to fudge issues or sell NLP as just a set of simple techniques which anyone can apply and perform guaranteed miracles every time.
What the author DOES show us is that the processes she is describing require skill and expertise. The skill to know WHAT techniques to use in a particular situation, AND HOW to use them.

It reminded me of the story about the engineering specialist who was called in to deal with a mystery fault in the engine of a large, ocean-going passenger ship.
He spent about 5 minutes tapping various parts of the engine with a small hammer, made a few adjustments, and was back on deck less than 10 minutes after he came on board. A few days later the ships's owners received an invoice for $999.
"This is outrageous," protested the general manager when he phoned up the engineer. "The Captain tells me you were on board for less than ten minutes in all. How can you possibly justify charging us $999 for the tiny amount that you did to the engine?"
"Oh, I only charged you $99 for what I DID," the engineer explained. "The other $900 was for KNOWING WHAT TO DO."

3. Which leads directly to my third reason for liking the book - it doesn't stop at telling the reader WHAT to do (a very common flaw in books of this kind), it also presents the reader with a wealth of information on HOW to do it - based on the author's obviously very extensive experience in the field.

One further point that needs to be made relates to the application featured in the book.
That is to say, although the book is about acting as a mediator, many of the topics relevant to handling the mediation process are also found in running negotiations, business meetings, etc., and I would suggest that people who deal with such activities will also find a great deal of useful material in this book.
Very highly recommended.