Customer Reviews

I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me?: The Strategic Use of Nonverbal Communication in Mediation

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This is, beyond doubt, the most practical, well-written book on nonverbal communication in print today. It not only provides a primer on noverbal communication in general, but delivers plenty of real world nut-and-bolts strategies designed to sharpen the reader's communication and negotiation skills. It demonstrates how to notice and appropriately respond to the nonverbal communication cues provided by the person you are dealing with, to the benefit of both parties. You could attend a dozen seminars on the subject and never get the breadth and depth of the information provided. The arena in which the author applies her considerable skills is mediation. But don't let that deter you if you not in the legal field. The book is a gem. Read it, enjoy it, and profit by it soon.

This book has something for everyone. The step by step analysis of the mediation process is very helpful. The author takes each step of the mediation process and carefully explains how to be a more effective mediator. Each chapter is packed with details of how to become a more effective communicator, while improving the mediation process. Even the most experienced mediators can benefit from the wide range of new ideas that Ms. Madonik brings to the mediation process. I have favorite sections that include how to ask more productive questions and building instant rapport. This is a must for every mediator's personal library--sure to become a classic!
(Dana Tait, attorney-mediator, private practice,
Malibu,California).

This is definitely one of the best books on NLP that I have read, and I've read over 150 such books.

Why do I rate it so highly?

1. Because the author has picked a very specific application - mediation - and the particular NLP tools she sees as being relevant to that process, and then she stays focused right through the book without wandering off into other areas that that may or may not be related.

2. Because the author makes no attempt to fudge issues or sell NLP as just a set of simple techniques which anyone can apply and perform guaranteed miracles every time.

What the author DOES show us is that the processes she is describing require skill and expertise. The skill to know WHAT techniques to use in a particular situation, AND HOW to use them.

It reminded me of the story about the engineering specialist who was called in to deal with a mystery fault in the engine of a large, ocean-going passenger ship.

He spent about 5 minutes tapping various parts of the engine with a small hammer, made a few adjustments, and was back on deck less than 10 minutes after he came on board. A few days later the ships's owners received an invoice for $999.

"This is outrageous," protested the general manager when he phoned up the engineer. "The Captain tells me you were on board for less than ten minutes in all. How can you possibly justify charging us $999 for the tiny amount that you did to the engine?"

"Oh, I only charged you $99 for what I DID," the engineer explained. "The other $900 was for KNOWING WHAT TO DO."

3. Which leads directly to my third reason for liking the book - it doesn't stop at telling the reader WHAT to do (a very common flaw in books of this kind), it also presents the reader with a wealth of information on HOW to do it - based on the author's obviously very extensive experience in the field.

One further point that needs to be made relates to the application featured in the book.

That is to say, although the book is about acting as a mediator, many of the topics relevant to handling the mediation process are also found in running negotiations, business meetings, etc., and I would suggest that people who deal with such activities will also find a great deal of useful material in this book.

Very highly recommended.