Heart of Forgiveness: A Practical Path to Healing [Paperback]

Madeline Ko-I Bastis (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 2003

"Forgiveness wipes the slate clean, and we can heal our relationships."

Madeline Ko-i Bastis is a Buddhist chaplain. She works with cancer, AIDS, psychiatric, and Alzheimer’s patients, with battered women, caregivers, inmates, with people with addictions, as well as so-called normal people. In her work she has found that the most difficult thing for people to do is to grant forgiveness. Some people cannot ask for forgiveness, others cannot forgive one another. And some don’t realize how harsh they are to themselves when they cannot forgive the one person they have to live with daily — themselves.

Heart of Forgiveness helps readers reflect on what forgiveness really means and how it can heal their lives and relationships. Ko-i Bastis explores the difficult emotions that keep us from forgiving and offers tools to help us overcome them. The three parts of Heart of Forgiveness mirror the phrases of the Buddhist Forgiveness practice:

For all the harm I have done to others, knowingly or unknowingly, forgive me.
For all the harm others have done to me, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive you as much as I can.
For all the harm I have done myself, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive myself.

Each section includes stories of forgiveness, a meditation, guided imagery, and other exercises to help understand forgiveness and letting go.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This short book by the first ordained Buddhist priest to be certified as a hospital chaplain is long on helpfulness and honesty. Forgiveness, says Bastis, is not a decision that emanates from the discriminating forebrain. Instead, it is a process of re-opening a heart that feels wronged and hence unlikely to feel any love for the wrongdoer, a process that requires self-awareness, readiness and practice. To rediscover the "final form of love" (a phrase from the great Christian theologian Reinhold Niebuhr that Bastis uses as an epigraph) that is expressed in forgiveness, Bastis begins with Buddhist morality, using the noble precepts that define ethical conduct. She then explains the "poisons" of anger, greed and ignorance as reasons for wrongdoing. Within this framework, forgiveness can be understood as a process of developing awareness and compassion, including compassion for self-wronging. Bastis supplies plenty of meditation exercises based on watching the breath and on invocations of compassion (loving-kindness, or metta practice). The book's principal virtue is its candor. Bastis has spent long periods of her life needing to be forgiven, a history that gives her good credentials. Her exercises occasionally move a practitioner too quickly through the slow process of forgiveness, and more stories from others' experiences could help illustrate her teachings. But perhaps the slenderness of the book is a way of making the daunting, and much needed, practice of forgiveness seem easier and more inviting.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Madeline Ko-i Bastis was the first ordained Buddhist priest to be certified as a hospital chaplain. She is the founder of Peaceful Dwelling, an organization devoted to teaching meditation techniques for healing in Long Island, New York. She is the author of Peaceful Dwelling.

Product Details

• Paperback: 107 pages
• Publisher: Red Wheel (February 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1590030273
• ISBN-13: 978-1590030271
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 6.5 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,083,755 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A book for anyone seeking peace, March 29, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Heart of Forgiveness: A Practical Path to Healing (Paperback)

This book is a jewel! One of the keys to its success for me is that the author allows us in to see her own flaws and imperfections and then how these practices have helped transform her life. It is such a personal story that it touched my heart. And it clearly could only be told by someone whose heart has been opened.

The suggested excersises and meditations are clearly and simply presented which inspires each of us to try them. We are given hope that we too might be transformed by them in a way similar to that of the author.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Journey of Forgiveness, April 13, 2006

By 

Kim Allen (Perth, Australia) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Heart of Forgiveness: A Practical Path to Healing (Paperback)

I discovered this book after the unexpected breakdown of a valued friendship and have found the advice invaluable. It is easy to use and could be adapted to almost any situation. Letting go of the hurt someone has inflicted on you and deciding to forgive them is one of the most difficult things in life to do but as outlined in Madeline's book it can also be one of the most rewarding.

The part I found most helpful was in being able to grant forgiveness to someone who has inflicted harm even when you are no longer in contact with them. I found myself at the point of being ready to do this but not quite sure how to articulate what I felt into something that could allow me to move forward and heal, regardless of the actions of the other person.

This book gets to the point, has insights that everyone can relate to and more importantly shows that something positive can come out of even the most challenging situation if you are prepared to give it a go. I would recommend this to anyone who wishes to learn more about the art of forgiveness and the profound impact undertaking this process can have on your life.

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Treasure to keep, November 5, 2004

By 

A Reader with Gratitude and Appreciation (Minneapolis, MN) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Heart of Forgiveness: A Practical Path to Healing (Paperback)

Heart of Forgiveness is truly a treasure to keep. I like the book cover. Very simple and plain and the way the book structures is very easy for us to understand. Some books are too decorative and lose the essence of what the author is trying to deliver.

Coming back to the book itself, the author first brings us the awareness of what harm is. Forgiveness is about letting go of the harm. Therefore, knowing and being aware of the word "harm" to self and others is the first stepping stone towards forgiveness. Then, she went on talking about the process to forgive. I am inspired by the author using her life example to demonstrate how she forgives herself (the unborn child) and others (her loss of job). I am sure it took her a very long time to exercise forgiveness but forgiveness can be done.

The most important message I got out of this book is to bring me the awareness that when harm is done to our soul and if we do not take good care of healing our soul, the chances for us going out and cause the same magnitude/greater harm to others is much greater. After being hurt by three different men in the last year, I realize how important to re-focus my attention in feeling and healing the pain I have towards these people. I finally wake up realize I do not wish to hurt others (though I realize I have tendencies to do so) simply because it is not the right thing. Exercising forgiveness is not about getting into a mental position of thinking it is an moral act or thinking one is superior. Forgiveness is simply a choice we have to let go of our suffering (suffering is created because we cling onto something/people/expectations). Forgiveness is not about denying or suppressing the pain and anger, but is about telling self the desire to heal. To forgive others, one needs to honor and let go of the pain others cause us. It can take days, months, years. There is no set time limit and everyone is different and it is ok. I like the way the author describes forgiveness to others as, "I will forgive you, but not yet" We always get into situations forgivness are said as words to others but sadness and resentment still sits in our heart. "I will forgive you, but not yet" is a good way to be honest to yourself and to others. We do not comprimise our inner most feeling for others to feel better.

NOTE: If we cannot even exercise loving ourselves and honoring our own feelings, how can it be possible for our heart to create that space to forgive others? Forgiveness is an act of self-love. If one cannot honor their own emotions and love themselves, where is the room to forgive others? I know many times we have the tendencies to say we forgive because either we realize someone feels very bad about the harm he/she caused or we just want to avoid conflict. However, this act is no different from hiding a problem/issue in the closet. Therefore, I will always remember, "I will forgive you, but not yet".

To forgive self, one needs to realize their past behavior and commit self not to make the same mistakes again because of the unconsious harmful behavior. One might also need to find the opportunity to repent the harm they have done to others. This is the only way to forgive self and in turn, live a happy and content life.

Thank you, Ms. Madeline Ko-I Bastis, for delivering a wonderful, suthing message to everyone in this world. This world will truly be a better place to live if we can open our heart to see what forgiveness is about.