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My Heart Said No, But the Camera Crew Said Yes! Paperback – April 9, 2010
The Secret Healer
In the fourteenth century, opportunities for women are limited. But spirited young Madlen can't resist her gift for healing, even if it puts her life in danger. Learn More
Throughout, Sands displays an adept knack for twisting familiar words and phrases into new forms, altering their meaning while poking fun at the overused, the clichéd. --decomP
From the Inside Flap
Top Customer Reviews
The good: Throughout, Sands displays an adept knack for twisting familiar words and phrases into new forms, altering their meaning while poking fun at the overused, the clichéd. In example, from page 52: "The plant tears off its disguise, roars, and gives Crispin a 30 Seconal head start...and asks Crispin why he's not fleeing from its terrifying presence. Crispin explains that his cooperation in a chase sequence isn't free. It costs $3.95 for the first minute and $1.25 for each additional minute."
Often, he'll deliver a ludicrous, hilarious development out of the blue: "Since birth, an eerie mariachi band had followed Lemony Fresh around, hellbent on providing atmospheric music to accompany his rollicking adventures" (72). And there's something to be said, again, about how unpredictable these stories are. There's something new around every turn, and the unknown is part of the fun.
The bad: Because so much changes from start to finish, in most of these stories, the tension suffers. It's also difficult to keep in mind what the protagonist is trying to achieve due to such rampant transformation--especially in longer stories like "Terror in the Haunted House" and "The Anals of Piracy," both of which overstay their welcome.Read more ›
What do the following items have in common?
* Entries from the Encyclopedia Orangutannicus
* The Eiffel Tower wearing a feather boa
* A reference to King Kong Bundy, the rightful winner of the main event at Wrestlemania II
* A waitress dropping a tip jar, spilling such tips as "The clitoris is located between the labia and the top of the vulva"
* A Hollywood producer named Jared Bruckheiny
* Captain Koala
* The instructions for writing a short story
If you think it's just gibberish I made up, you're mostly wrong. All of these are just a sampling of the ideas jammed within the pages of My Heart Said No, But the Camera Crew Said Yes!
Let's get down to brass tacks. I hate short story collections and I hate writing reviews for them even more. This one is a little different than most collections. Instead of a lot of teases with intriguing story ideas that peter out after a couple pages or two, MHSNBTCCS sandblasts you (Get it? the author's name is Bradley Sands? Sandblast? Get it?) with one absurd idea or situation after another.
Wordplay takes center stage in this collection and if you're not paying attention or slightly impaired, it'll go right by you. Where else are you going to see a scat burglar beebopping into a building to rob it or an enema that gets grandmothers? "Nowhere!" is the correct answer.
So, avoid this book if you can handle your neighbors laughing at you because they can handle it and you can't. Or pick it up now and show those jerks!
This book exists somewhere between the pocket realms of hyperbole, prop comedy, satire and stream of consciousness. Everything is invented. McNugget Mansion, D.T. The Delirium Tremens, a Venus Hippopotamustrap, kitchen tables on roller skates, bedroom doors that take up martial arts in the name of revenge, Encyclopedia Orangutannica, Humper Dumper Yogurtarium and Toilet Paper Boutique, nurses that physically resemble the Eiffel Tower. There is no end to Bradley Sands' inventive turns of phrase. I can see why it is so exhausting for him when he works on a full length novel/novella if he cares so much for each sentence.
The final chapter, entitled 'How To Write a Short Story' is, I believe, the one chapter where he is being completely honest without being over the top. Although he might be playing with metaphor on the wrist slitting part.
Consider the following passage from the story, `Terror in the Haunted House':
"An Eiffel Tower struts down the hallway in a sexy maid's uniform, blitzkrieging the high ceiling with its feather boa duster. The canvas of Lord Remarkably Stiff For His Age bubbles over its frame like a pan of stovetop popcorn. Then the painting extracts itself from the wall, uncovering a crevice and the backside of the painting's true ally against gravity. Super Noxious Air Man and his sidekick, Kid Centrifugal Force, fight to make the world safe for Dermatology - one incurable skin condition at a time - and the face of the brittle portrait putrefies."
In isolation, it's almost like an ultra dense piece of nano fiction. Now, pile these pieces of nano fiction together, following something akin to narrative in the process, and you have a Bradley Sands story. Depending on the sort of person you are, this either a great thing or a terrible thing. I fall firmly in the `great' camp. I love how well-crafted this insanity is, and the imagery these stories provoke is quite unique.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I finally plucked up the courage to return to this demon-in-book-form after having to take a break for fear of going mad. Read morePublished on August 20, 2013 by R. A. Harris
At this time, I unfortunately have nothing new or creative to add in my every growing adoration Of Bradley Sands. We can blame the Paxil for that. Read morePublished on June 29, 2011 by FabulousRaye
Do you like romance? Passion? Melodrama? Are you the kind of person who likes to weep at an Oxygen movie of the week while eating low-fat ice cream straight from the carton? Read morePublished on October 14, 2010 by Adam Breckenridge
I fear that may actually happen, given the unwinding, destruction, and all around nipple pinching his fiction does to reality as we know it. This is the heavy brew of Bizarro. Read morePublished on May 15, 2010 by Eric Robinson