Hearts and Minds: How Our Brains Are Hardwired for Relationships [Paperback]

Thomas David Kehoe (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 2003

Mammals raising their young evolved brains hardwired for emotional relationships. Around this mammalian core, humans evolved a new, larger brain for abstract thinking. Too often our abstract thinking gets in the way of emotionally connecting with other people. Hearts and Minds shows you how to improve your relationships by integrating these different brain systems. Plus, you’ll find: • The best places to meet single men and women (page 93). • How young men and women fall in love with mirrors of themselves (page 74), when mature men and women love their real partners, including accepting their faults (page 83). • How switching gender roles moves dating into a committed relationship (page 139). • How to use conflicts to strengthen a relationship (page 146).

--This text refers to the Kindle Edition edition.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"The opposite sex will make sense to you after reading this book." — John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus -- Review

From the Inside Flap

Mammals raising their young evolved brains hardwired for emotional relationships. Around this mammalian core, humans evolved a new, larger brain for abstract thinking. Too often our abstract thinking gets in the way of emotionally connecting with other people. Hearts and Minds shows you how to improve your relationships by integrating these different brain systems. Plus, you'll find: • The best places to meet single men and women (page 93). • How young men and women fall in love with mirrors of themselves (page 74), when mature men and women love their real partners, including accepting their faults (page 83). • How switching gender roles moves dating into a committed relationship (page 139). • How to use conflicts to strengthen a relationship (page 146).

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Casa Futura Technologies; 1st edition (May 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 096571814X
• ISBN-13: 978-0965718141
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,623,030 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I stuttered severely until I was 30 years old. A speech clinic measured my most fluent speech -- reading aloud, alone -- as ten times slower than normal speech. I needed an hour to say what non-stutterers could say in 5 minutes, and listeners couldn't understand what I said anyway. I'd completed seven stuttering therapy programs with little or no effect on my speech. I had an MBA from the University of Chicago, no jobs, and few friends. I then changed my life from trying to compensate for my speech by being better at everything else, to focusing on my speech as the center of my life. 14 years later I still stutter mildly, but my speech is 99% improved, and doesn't stop me from doing anything I want.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Intriguing Ideas & Unique Perspective, May 11, 2003

By 

Rebecca Johnson "The Rebecca Review" (Washington State) - See all my reviews
(COMMUNITY FORUM 04)    (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Hearts and Minds: How Our Brains Are Hardwired for Relationships (Paperback)

"If flirting were a car, the man has his hands on the steering wheel. The woman has her feet on the accelerator and brake pedals. He decides where they are going. She decides how fast." ~Thomas David Kehoe

Dating is a journey into the unknown. Not only do you have to access your personal beliefs, you also have to equip yourself with dating knowledge.

Men now expect a woman to call them part of the time, while some women are sometimes still waiting at home for men to call them. This can promote frustration as men and women struggle to fit into the new modern dating pattern.

Men and women are traditionally hardwired for fixed masculine and feminine roles. In "Hearts and Minds," Thomas David Kehoe shows how men and women are capable of using both masculine and feminine energy to improve their relationships.

The authors has includes some intriguing facts and concepts:

The Ancient Greeks had six words for love - we need or give various types of love in different stages of our lives.

Is he/she just your friend or are you really dating? How can you tell?
How do you play the dating game?

How do you make the object of your desire want you?
Does speed dating work?

When should you call her?

The first section of the book is essential in order to understand the terms used later and casually throughout. The writing builds upon itself in such a way that I was amazed at the organization and fluid association of thoughts.

The book is divided into four main sections:

Science:
The Evolution of the Human Brain
How Women Select Men
How Men Select Women
How Our Ancestors Lived
Monogamy and Polygamy
Hormones
Communication Styles

Life Stages:
Childhood - Seeking Unconditional Love
Adolescence-Seeking Romantic Love
Adulthood-Families and Forgiveness
Agape-Altruistic Love

Relationships:
Where Couples Met
Flirting
How to Write a Personal Ad
Dating
Sex
Becoming a Couple
Conflict in Relationships

Archetypes:

Emotional Control Systems
Zeus-Hera
Poseidon-Athena
Apollo-Artemis
Hermes-Hestia
Ares-Hephaestus-Aphrodite
Dionysus-Demeter
Hades-Persephone

The Archetypes section is fascinating. You will be able to analyze your own relationships. There are 7 couples to analyze. These personality types have become recognizable through history and here these archetypes appear in the ancient world as gods. They are amazingly true!

I also enjoyed the humor in this book. There was one point when I was laughing so hard I could hardly see the page. Thomas David Kehoe displays great creativity and has a wicked streak of wit. The scientific explanations made complete sense. You will find wonderful quotes, entire passages and bold headings that organize the thoughts beautifully.

Once I started reading, I could not put this book down. I became intellectually intrigued and learned interesting facts not found in other relationships books. This is a truly unique look at how men and women interact and how you can find a relationship of the soul.

~The Rebecca Review

11 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars World's most hilarious self-help book!, July 15, 2003

By 

Nosferatu (Albuquerque, NM United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Hearts and Minds: How Our Brains Are Hardwired for Relationships (Paperback)

Get this one and read it! I just reviewed it for one of my publishers and loved every page. It had me in tears several times.

The author manages to reduce the most complex scientific terms into easy to understand language. He is skilled in explaining things in a way that makes complete sense. He offers sound, practical advice on how to overcome the obstacles in everyday life and make your relationship work. Best of all, he does it with a sense of humor. His wit will keep you in stitches.

From hormones to the life stages, he covers all the bases with this outstanding manual on love, sex, dating, and all the monkeys that can be thrown into the wrenches of relationships. This is a must read!

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting reading, May 25, 2010

By 

Erica Smitty (New Jersey) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Hearts and Minds: How Our Brains Are Hardwired for Relationships (Paperback)

Very interesting information can be found in this book about differences in how the sexes approach relationships.
The writing style is a little different, conversational; definitely not your traditional textbook.