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38 of 38 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
One of the Best of the Bunch, June 2, 2005
This review is from: Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It (Hardcover)
In the past couple of years I have read several books written for men to address the issue of sexual purity. I have found these books useful to varying degrees. The solutions that authors suggest to deal with this issue - which, as far as I know, is common to all men - vary greatly. Some books forbid men to engage in even a single look at an attractive woman to whom a man is not married. Some books teach a process of "bouncing" the eyes whereby men learn to avert their gaze from any feminine beauty other than the one to whom they are married. Some teach what is little more than the repetition of mantras - a Bible verse a man can repeat when he sees an attractive woman. Hedges, by Jerry Jenkins, does not fit any of those categories.
Jenkins, best known as half of the writing team which brought the world the Left Behind series, is a gifted writer. His book is fun, easy-to-read and will connect with the average man. The book is premised on Paul's admonition to Timothy, found in 2 Timothy 2:22 that he "flee youthful lusts." Jenkins tells us that this verse teaches that "We are to run. To flee. To get out. To get away" (page 45). He believes that God does not give victory over lust in the same way he allows victory over other sins, such as temper, greed and pride. While we can learn to avoid stealing, gossip and lying, he contends that no man will avoid a peek at pornography if he was convinced that no one would find out.
And this is where his book varies from the rest of the seventy or eighty titles on the bookstore shelves that share this theme. All the other books (or at least all the ones that I have read) teach that men can gain a victory over this sin. The problem is, that many of them teach technique that in reality tries to convince us that we can win the victory if only we repeat the proper Bible verses and learn to bounce our eyes.
Jenkins' solution to sexual temptation is to realize that we cannot avoid being tempted, to learn to appreciate beauty, and to plant hedges around us to guard against sexual sin. He teaches that the first look is not sinful. There is nothing inherently evil in a man looking at a woman and appreciating her beauty. "I know that some people may laugh at my notion of looking at women to appreciate God's creativity and would accuse me of inventing a spiritual reason to leer. I maintain that after years of steeling myself to avert my eyes from something made attractive by God, developing an appreciation for it is far healthier. Clearly it would be wrong to gawk and dwell upon some stranger's beauty, especially when I have vowed before God and man to put my wife ahead of all others. Dianna knows that I am attracted to pretty women (she is one, after all). She also knows that I know they are off-limits and that even entertaining a lustful thought is wrong...My gaze doesn't linger and my thoughts stay in check" (page 50).
Thus the first look, a glance which appreciates a form God made deliberately to appeal to men, is fine. It is the second look, designed to soak in details and provoke lustful thoughts, that is forbidden.
Jenkins goes on to suggest the importance of hedges, which are boundaries we put in place to safeguard ourselves from sexual sin. He describes each of the six hedges he has planted in his life, but is careful to point out that each man will have different hedges appropriate to his situation. A man who travels will need to guard himself in ways different than a man who rarely leaves the house. Here are the author's hedges:
1. When he meets, dines or travels with an unrelated woman, he always adds a third person to the group. When this is impossible, he is always the first to tell his wife.
2. He is careful about touching women. He embraces only relatives or close friends, and only in the company of others.
3. If he pays a woman a compliment, it is on clothes or hair, not the woman herself.
4. He avoids flirtation and suggestive conversations, even in jest.
5. He often reminds himself and his wife that he remembers their wedding vows.
6. From the time he gets home to the time the children go to bed, he does no work in order that he might spend quality time with the family.
While not a hedge per se, he also promotes the importance of a man sharing his story - the story of how he and his wife met and fell in love. These stories are a powerful reminder of the love a man and wife share and it is important that these stories become a part of the family's heritage.
Some will object that this book does not interact with other obvious passages of Scripture. In fact, the book is quite short on Scripture altogether. But I would suggest that Jenkins' purpose in writing this book was not to produce a volume that thoroughly examined all that Scripture teaches on lust and sexual purity. Instead he sought to write a book that teaches men the safeguards that he has found successful in his own life. As such this book is not the whole story when it comes to sexual purity, but it is a good place to begin. Were a man to use the strategies in this book, and only this book, as the foundation for his pursuit of sexual purity, he would miss out on the importance of renewing our minds. Unless our minds are filled with the Word and our heart is filled with the Spirit, our pursuit of purity may just be destined to fail.
Planting hedges ought to be a priority in every man's life. As I read this book I realized that while I had never considered the term "hedges," I had placed boundaries in my life that work in the same way. For example, shortly after my wife and I were married, I blocked many of the channels on the television that have a lot of inappropriate content or just never have any useful content whatsoever (see ya later, MTV!). I had my wife set a password which I do not know. And even now I still can't watch MTV (or Showcase or a handful of others). And I can just see those who know me laughing as I write this, but I don't hug or touch women (or men, for that matter - no Promise Keepers for me!). I have often been chastised by friends for not hugging enough! Of course this has more to do with an aversion to hugging than it does with sexual purity, but it functions the same.
I enjoyed this book and can recommend it. It is not the complete story of sexual purity and the author could certainly have gone into far more depth. But the suggestions he provides are valuable to those who desire to live a life of godliness and purity, and to avoid the sin and temptation that our culture provides, promotes and even condones.
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21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Not the whole story....., July 11, 2005
This review is from: Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It (Hardcover)
Hedges by Jerry Jenkins is a book of practical strategies to guard your marriage. It is one man honestly speaking from his struggle to urge all men to take seriously the chance that they too might fall to sexual immorality.
It is a vital subject, and this is definitely an area where men need to be very careful if they think they are standing, as a sexual fall according to this book is not so far from any of us.
One central theme of the book is that no mature how mature a man is he will never stop finding women attractive and that he shouldn't even try. Indeed the book even argues that it is possible to admire the handiwork of God in womankind without lusting. The author implies that by trying to deny this natural attraction for the female form and attempting to not even look at
women we meet in the street, we merely encourage lust. Men are encouraged to be released to recognise that they will never stop being drawn to admire the beauty of women other than their wife.
The supposition that men will always be drawn to women like bees to honey is I am sure true. I have never yet met a heterosexual man who claims to have totally conquered lust. I remember I think it was John Piper stating how a single image of a woman accidently seen can be imprinted on his mind for months. Is the answer to steal a brief look at a decently clad beautiful woman we randomly meet, thank God for his handiwork and remind ourselves that, if married, we have better things waiting for us at home?
This advice reminds me of some that was passed to me as a young man apparently orignally from Billy Graham "Its the second look that's sinful". I will never forget the glint in the eye of the man who told me this and went on to elaborate "...he never said you couldn't have a long first
look!"
Some may disagree with the pragmatic honest approach of the author. Indeed at least at first sight one has to ask is it consistent with Job 31:1 "I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?"
However, I doubt any of my male readers can honestly say that they are free of the urge to admire the beuuty of women. Certainly the bible says we should "flee from the temptation of lust. Hedges explains a number of practical ways the author has found to do this
I am pleased that the "hedges" are not offered as law but merely an example which each man shoulld adapt to his own personal circumstances. In many ways the most important issue is not that you adopt these hedges, but that you go through a process of working out for yourself what your hedges should be.
Here are the authors "hedges"
1. Not to dine or travel with a woman alone unless an unavoidable complication makes this impractical, and then to tell his wife first
2. To only ever hug another woman in front of others
3. To never compliment another woman on her looks, only her clothes
4. To avoid any kind of flirting except with his wife and to engage in as much flirtation as possible with his wife.
5. To remind his wife often of his wedding vows orally and in writing
6. To get home early and spend time with the children every day before bed
7. To share his story often
Not every hedge may seem practical, necessary or helpful, but to consider each of them is surely helpful for evey marriage. The book is full of other practical tips, which again need to be taken in the way they are intended- as helpful pointers and not unchangeable laws. As an example, the writer suggests asking a hotel room receptionist to lock out porn channels on check-in. Personally, I have a totally different strategy which also has the advantage of not requiring terrible embarassment at checkin- I simply never turn on the TV. If I have a few good books with me, why would I want to channel hop anyway?
This book is a useful read for any christian man, I am not sure whether women will want their illusions about the spiritualiuty of men shattered. Indeed, one area where I am less sure about is the idea that you should speak about your struggles with your wife. My wife of ten years says she would rather not know if there are other women I find attractive. She knows that if necessary I have men I can talk to about these things. Having said that, there is even a danger in talking with other men as it could degenerate into a conversation focussing on the merits of various women and become almost tittilating! Sometimes the best apprioach as advocated in this book is to simply run and then fill your mind with something else.
As helpful as this book is, it only contains one half of the story. As Piper says in Sex and the suppremacy of Christ (which incidently is a book I am currently reading)
"There are many practical strategies for being sexually pure in mind and body. I don't demean them. I use them! But with all my heart I know, and with the authority of Scripture I know, that the tiny spaceships of our moral strategies will be useless in nudging the planet of sexuality into orbit unless the sun of our solar system is the supremacy of Christ."
Hedges is a book that is well worth a read, but must not be seen on its own as the answer for our struggle with lust. Actually, probably a major solution to our problem is learning to grow more in our quietness and trust in Jesus.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
THE Book for Couples, October 4, 2005
This review is from: Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It (Hardcover)
I received Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough To Protect It by Jerry B. Jenkins two days ago. Not only have I completed the book, I have read the study guide and watched the DVD that comes with it. It is that good. Honestly, it is better than good. The book is totally awesome! I really had a hard time putting it down.
The book is about loving your marriage enough to protect it from infidelity and how you can do that. The author uses "hedges" to protect his marriage. He not only shares what those hedges are but also explains how you can build your own hedges and what those hedges can do for you and your family. The book is bible based and author tested.
Jerry Jenkins wrote Hedges with husbands in mind. Let me tell you now that this book will bless men and women alike. Not only does Jerry share his own weaknesses but his openness makes it easier for you to admit your own. Which is the first step to determining what hedges you need and where you need to build them.
This book really should be required reading for all married couples. Christian marriage counselors and pastors would do well to recommend this book. Not only does it cover how to prevent infidelity, the impact of infidelity on a marriage, but also great tools to make your marriage better and how God wants it to be. The study guide is packed with wonderful ideas to strengthen your marriage and add a little romance to it.
I really enjoyed the author's writing style. Jerry Jenkins is the co-author of the Left Behind series of which I am a big fan. His writing style really gets your attention. It is like he is talking to you. He totally pulls you in.
The DVD is entertaining as well. I laughed out loud a few times! It really brings the book together and elaborates on some of the points of the book. I really think that together with the study guide it would be perfect for group study or even a class for newly married couples.
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