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Hell Is Other Parents: And Other Tales of Maternal Combustion [Paperback]

Deborah Copaken Kogan
2.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)

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Book Description

August 18, 2009
"For anyone who's ever been a parent, had a parent, or wanted to choke a parent, Deborah Copaken Kogan's book is for you. With obscenely funny and frighteningly dead-on insights, this book is so close to my heart I want to put it in a locket and wear it around my neck. I plan to buy Hell Is Other Parents by the carton and hand it out at the playground."
--Julie Klam, author of Please Excuse My Daughter

"Deborah Copaken Kogan writes with verve, warmth, and passion about the complexities of parenting, her love for her children, and all the comedies and melodramas that the complexities and the love together make us perform."
--Adam Gopnik, author of Paris to the Moon and Through the Children's Gate: A Home in New York

"The next time you see a modern American mom walking down the street and think you know what's going on in her life, Hell Is Other Parents will remind you that you don't know the half of it. Like Larry David, Deborah Kogan isn't obsessed with putting her best foot forward. Rather, she unloads what's truly on her mind. She's not afraid to show her anxieties, her vanities, her deepest desires. The results aren't always pretty, but it's a thrilling, hilarious, nerve-wracking ride--a mother's high-wire balancing act--that I wouldn't have dared miss."
--Stephen J. Dubner, author of Freakonomics

"Brave, funny, and charged with equal measures of regret and joy, Kogan's parenting misadventures spring from the page. Though her battles with smothering or totally deranged moms take place in nanny-ridden Manhattan (a world she and her husband can't afford), her stories will resonate with anyone who ever changed a diaper or comforted a weeping child."
--Tad Friend, author of Lost in Mongolia: Travels in Hollywood and Other Foreign Lands and Cheerful Money: Me, My Family, and the Last Days of Wasp Splendor

"This is the stuff of life. Okay, maybe not the stuff of your life, but luckily for us, though maybe not always for Deborah Copaken Kogan, it is the stuff of her life, and she has made it delightful stuff to read about."
--Patty Marx, who is not a parent so don't blame her; author of Him Her Him Again The End of Him

"Deborah Copaken Kogan goes where no mom has gone before in these hilarious and affecting tales of motherhood and marriage, Manhattan style."
--Darren Star, writer and producer of Sex and the City

I read No Exit in my early twenties, and I remember thinking hell might very well be other people, okay, sure, but under what far-fetched conditions would anyone ever actually be trapped forever in the company of strangers with no sleep or means of escape

Then I became a parent.

From Deborah Copaken Kogan, the acclaimed author of the national bestseller Shutterbabe, comes this edgy, insightful, and sidesplitting memoir about surviving in the trenches of modern parenting.

Kogan writes situation comedy in the style of David Sedaris and Spalding Gray with a dash of Erma-Bombeck-on-a-Vespa: wry, acutely observed, and often hilarious true tales, in which the narrator is as culpable as any character. In these eleven linked pieces, Kogan and her husband are almost always broke while working full-time and raising three children in New York City, one of the most expensive and competitive cities in the world.

In one episode, exhausted from a particularly difficult childbirth, Kogan finds herself sharing a hospital room with a foul-mouthed teen mother and her partying posse. In another, Kogan manages to crawl her way to her own emergency appendectomy, which inconveniently strikes the same week her infant's babysitter is away on vacation, her adolescents are off from school, her New York Times editor needs his edit, and the whole family catches the flu. And in the book's capper essay, she drives twelve hours, solo, with a screaming toddler in a rent-a-car in a futile effort to catch a glimpse of her eldest child in his summer camp play.

Yes, Shutterbabe is all grown up and slightly worse for the wear, but her clear-eyed vision while under fire has remained intact: You've never read funnier war stories.


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Hell Is Other Parents: And Other Tales of Maternal Combustion + Shutterbabe: Adventures in Love and War + Between Here and April
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

War photographer and author Kogan (Shutterbabe) has survived the dangers of covering the Afghan war, but in this collection of essays she turns her attention toward a different kind of struggle—raising three children in the trenches of Manhattan. Her opening essay, The Bleeping Bleep Next Door, arguably the funniest in the book, details the birth of her third baby and the experience of sharing a hospital room with a 16-year-old unwed mother who blasts the TV and is visited by a gaggle of noisy teen friends toting McDonald's bags and soda that smells of booze. In other essays the author delves into life as mother of a child star (her aspiring actor son nabs a part in the new Star Trek film), the ups and downs of children's friendships, the rules and bylaws of marriage and the hassles of juggling the needs of a toddler and a teen. Kogan also explores the judgmental reactions of other parents who raise their eyebrows when she picks up her daughter at school on a Vespa. While most of Kogan's essays are witty and smart, a few (about old college roommates, and former boyfriends, etc.) seem both gratuitous and out of place. Still, readers will find plenty to ponder and laugh about as they follow this self-described laissez-faire parent on the challenging assignment of raising three kids. (Aug.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Deborah Copaken Kogan worked as a photojournalist from 1988 to 1992, and her photographs appeared in Time, Newsweek, The New York Times, L'Express, Liberation and Geo, among many other international newspapers and magazines. She spent the next six years in TV journalism, including a time as a producer for Dateline NBC. Her writings have appeared in The New Yorker, the New York Times and elsewhere. She lives in New York City with her husband, Paul Kogan, and their three children.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Voice; First Edition edition (August 18, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401340814
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401340810
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.6 x 8.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 2.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,211,019 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

1966-1966: Born in Boston, MA; moved to Adelphi, MD six months later. Allegedly.

1966-1970: The preschool years; fuzzy memories of hippies, astronauts.

1970-1978: Moved from Adelphi to Potomac, MD. Attended flower-shaped elementary school that had no walls; first writing award; weird obsession with Jonestown massacre.

1978-1981: Hormones.

1981-1984: Gigantic public high school; reams of angsty poetry; first pieces published in Seventeen.

1984-1988: The college years, which coincided with the crack/AIDS years: mugged at gunpoint unrelentingly, mated cautiously; made films, shot photos, wrote articles for the school paper, performed in school plays and one film, Key Exchange; rejected by every creative writing course in the Harvard catalogue.

1988-1992: The croissant/photojournalism years; stored clothes, personal items in Paris, France, while parachuting in from conflict to conflict (Afghanistan, Israel, Romania, Zimbabwe, the USSR, etc.) Won awards, had exhibitions; images published in Time, Newsweek, The New York Times, L'Express, Libération, Géo, Stern, etc.

1992-1998: Moved from Moscow to New York; produced TV for ABC then NBC News; got married, had a couple of babies, won an Emmy, inexpertly juggled work and kids; loudly whined for subsidized daycare, secretly pined to be a writer.

1998-now: Wrote bestselling Shutterbabe, followed by unpublishable drivel, followed by Between Here and April, Hell is Other Parents, and the New York Times bestselling The Red Book; published essays in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Elle, More, Slate, Paris Match, O, and others; shot photo assignments; produced and shot a documentary in Pakistan for CNN in the wake of 9/11; became a columnist for The Financial Times; performed live on stage with The Moth, Afterbirth, Six Word Memoir, and Eve Ensler's tribute to Anita Hill; adapted Hell is Other Parents for the stage; wrote several screenplays and a TV pilot that were never produced; watched Shutterbabe (the big and small-screen versions) languish in development hell; had another baby; lost appendix, father, Upper West Side home, bearings, socks, sanity, and several nouns; found Harlem, yoga, and occasional serenity. But not the socks. Or the whatchamacallit. Nouns.


Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not sure if these stories are book-worthy October 9, 2009
Format:Paperback
I have to admit that the title of this book was the one thing that grabbed me. As a mother I can also appreciate all of the author's stories. I am not sure that many of them weren't embellished for effect. Come on, lying on the floor of an NYC emergency room because you are in the throes of an acute appendicitis attack and a security guard is screaming at you to get up? I have a hard time believing this one because just a few short miles to the West, this sort of thing wouldn't happen.

I can see any of these stories being told as part of a much needed rant to a girlfriend, significant other, Mom, sister, what-have-you. They are stories to be relayed and replayed, laughed at over a glass of wine or run in the park but turned into a book?????

The author did not come across as humorous as she obviously intended but instead a bit pathetic, needy, and in need of ego-stroking. She obviously has nothing to prove in the way of mothering or any of her vast accomplishments yet one cannot help but get the sense that she is bragging for attentions sake. We get that she attended Harvard but still grew up middle class, gave birth to an actor whom we have had to have seen in something what with all the name dropping she did on his behalf. I really wanted to identify with this mom but because of the boastful way she came across, had a hard time doing so.

In addition to this, maybe I am old-school but I have always believed that a book was something to be elevated past an article written for any magazine or a blog on the internet. Nowadays, it seems that anyone who has any story to tell can tell it in a book along with a shiny new cover and prime real estate in any Barnes & Noble as long as they have the right contacts. This book was seriously a misguided attempt. It was literally all over the place, went off on unrelated tangents that seemed completely beside the supposed point. It just did not seem well thought out or executed but yet something that just met the requirements of a deadline.
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars total disappointment January 7, 2010
Format:Paperback
I picked up this book in the PARENTING section and was so excited. I quickly opened to the introduction, a great story about the day-to-day reality of other people thinking they know better that you do how to parent your own children. Not a single one of the essays in this book have ANYTHING to do with living in a world of competitive parenting, or really parenting AT ALL. Just because you write a story about yourself and you happen to have children, whom you may or may not even mention in a given story, doesn't make this a parenting book. I might have enjoyed this book if I picked it up in the non-fiction section or biography section, but what a total disappointment. I wish I had kept my recepit.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Hell is Other Parents August 19, 2010
Format:Paperback
The title of this book grabbed my attention right away. Unfortunately, the content did not live up to the anticipation. Hardly entertaining. A mere attempt to showcase her son's acting career and whine about her life choices. Sorry I paid list price.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars What a whack job....
Hell is not other parents. Hell was trying to get through this horrid book. I'm sure my karma was catching up to me from some previous life where I must have done something very... Read more
Published 1 month ago by jade19721
1.0 out of 5 stars Can you hate someone you have never met?
I am one of those people who is compelled to finish what I start . . . Including this really annoying book which I thought was going to make me laugh but instead made me really... Read more
Published on May 16, 2011 by LDixon
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read!
As a NYC parent, I really identified with her stories. She has a great sense of humor and is very candid. She's one of those parents who "tell it like it is."
Published on August 21, 2010 by Nicole Jennings
3.0 out of 5 stars Decent collection of stories
Having attended the author's book discussion, let me first address the other reviews which complain about marketing! Read more
Published on October 12, 2009 by Bette
2.0 out of 5 stars Not as marketed
First I need to say, I haven't finished this book yet. I enjoyed the first two chapters ([...]) which were as I suspected and why I bought the book- details about unfortunate... Read more
Published on September 24, 2009 by Meghan
2.0 out of 5 stars Just okay
I felt all the hype was about the tales of how other parents viewed her, didn't think she did that after the first chapter.
Published on September 19, 2009 by M. OConnor
5.0 out of 5 stars finally, no longer "one of a kind"
Although never a war-photo-journalist, I can certainly relate to "Hell is other Parents" as a hard-working professional mother. Read more
Published on September 17, 2009 by CPA MBA MOTHER
3.0 out of 5 stars Insightful Book on Parenting
When I received HELL IS OTHER PARENTS AND OTHER TALES OF MATERNAL COMBUSTION by Deborah Copaken Kogan a few weeks ago, the first thing I noticed was the cover -- I thought it was... Read more
Published on September 17, 2009 by Julie Peterson
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny and honest
Deborah Copaken Kogan is a wonderful writer whose stories of love, marriage and raising children in NYC are funny and insightful. Read more
Published on September 15, 2009 by Stephanie Goodman
1.0 out of 5 stars Did not live up to its title
The title was so brilliant I had to buy this book, but it disappointed me on many levels.

It is not a book about parenthood... Read more
Published on September 12, 2009 by Mary Lind
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