Customer Reviews

"Hello My Big Big Honey!" Love Letters to Bangkok Bar Girls and Their Revealing Interviews

5 star:		(21)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

This was a book waiting to be written, but if you're looking for a raunchy sex tale about Bangkok's red-light districts, try the Internet -- it's full of sites with much more graphic descriptions, even streaming video.

What Dave Walker and Richard S. Ehrlich have done is approach a social fact of life from a different angle, a very human angle.

"Hello My Big Honey!" is a sociological study dealing with a section of society that can be found in just about every country in the world, their hopes, their fears, their dreams and above all, their interaction and deeper involvement with their clients, the farang (foreigner).

As Dave Walker explains in his 10-page preface, the germ of an idea was born in the bars of Patpong Road in Bangkok...True, the days of the Vietnam War were over, but the reputation that Bangkok had gained as a "wide-open town" had spread near and far. Where there had been GIs, now it was oil workers and other professional expatriates hunting a living in Southeast Asia...

The letters followed, more than a reliving of stolen moments of physical passion, these were letters of hopes, dreams and longings to return...

To some it might seem the craziest of places to find love, a road full of hustling, neon lights, prowling transvestites and ear-shattering music. Lust yes, but real love surely no. Yet whether or not it's the wrong place to be looking for lasting commitment, there are those foreigners who have found their heart's desires in a love that's been reciprocated.

This is something that Richard Ehrlich takes up in his 10-page introduction. It's "a surreal night-time world" in which the bar girls live, one in which "men's fantasies, desperation, emotions and hormones" all "collide" with the "sleaze, partying" and highly "intensive care", plus of course, "cash". Most times it's a purely physical interaction that lasts no longer than rising from the crumpled sheets, but sometimes...

As Richard points out though, "the odds" are really stacked "against" it [love]. "Dancing on her tiny stage", a girl may try and shut out the leering faces while trying to pick out just one where there is a deeper feeling she believes she can read. Other girls may become outright exhibitionists playing to the crowd, but they too are searching for a soul mate. The "competition" is fierce, for the girls have only one thing on their mind -- grab a man. Their reasons differ, some so spaced out on heroin or amphetamines that their only worry is where they can find the money for their next fix, while the professional plasticine jobs with their fake smiles of enduring love are mentally counting baht as they move around weighing up the potential catch. With so many girls and so many bars, to make the right connection can be tough...

No wonder the poor old farang is confused, for it destroys all his Western conceptions of "normal" life...It is easy to become deluded and believe that they are really in love, but what about the girl. Does she really love me? Does she really care that much about me? If she does, then why does she always want money? I know she has to live, but surely she can earn money in some other job.

If it's a quandary he finds himself in while in Bangkok, at least the ministrations of his newfound love provide some temporary relief. It's when he's back home that the whole meaning of this relationship begins to gnaw on his mind...

It is into this strange melting pot of fantasy and reality that Dave Walker and Richard S. Ehrlich have delved, fishing out a selection of 71 letters from foreign men all around the world, as well as interviewing a dozen bargirls and three bar owners, one English, one American and one Thai.

It may seem a massive invasion of privacy to read someone else's letters, for there are only two places a person can never hide -- in bed and in their letters. Yet the only people able to tell the true story of life on Patpong Road are the bargirls themselves and it is story that merits being told.

Be warned however, this is a journey that is not for the faint-hearted...The American serviceman on his way to Saudi Arabia prior to the Gulf War desperately trying to persuade his teenage Thai girlfriend that he really wants to settle down and marry her, is one letter that stands out not only for its length but also the intensity of feelings expressed.

Then of course there are the girls, who provide another cross-section. There's the consummate professional, all business, who is busy saving to buy a house -- no time for romance in her life one suspects. Or the girl whose
seen it all, from being a barmaid right down to being a mama-san today.

Then there's the would-be suicide, who has tried once and hopes she can stave off the desperation to try again. Yet perhaps more typical is the girl who lives in cramped squalor with her son, mother, two younger children, her sister and her boyfriend and another girlfriend...

"Hello My Big Honey!" doesn't delve into the morality of prostitution, nor was that its intention...

There is even one Thai girl who has traveled the world as an anti-AIDS campaigner, but admits that if desperate for money she would quite willingly have unprotected sex.

Ever since Thailand became known as the newest and best sin city for foreign men to visit to have sex with impoverished yet attractive Thai women, a deluge of these men land daily at Thai airports expecting to find the romance and lust often denied them in their home lands. What these men usually discover is that any romance that develops is based on a pay as you go basis. In HELLO MY BIG HONEY, Dave Walker and Richard Ehrlich try to explain why. The authors see the Bangkok sex scene as the natural outcropping of a degraded culture that has only its women to peddle. In such a lurid, transient environment, the focus of money for sex must be limited to the here and now. Any foreign man with even a minimum of sense and dollars can surely score in any of dozens of sleazy clip joints. In a series of interviews with bargirls, hookers, and transsexuals, Walker and Ehrlich clarify to the next deluge of incoming men that these are working girls, all of whom count the success of a relationship in the minutes spent to earn those western dollars. It is hardly the fault of these Thai women if they soon realize that calling their newest boyfriend 'Big Honey' and other such of similar ilk can only gratify him into spending more money on her (and her family)or--and this is what each Thai lady dreams of--finding a western man thinking that he will 'deliver' her from a life of vice by taking her back to his country for marriage. In this latter case, the man will certainly send money to her on a regular basis, with her promising all the while that she will be loyal in return. The letters that these men write back and forth reveal a breathtaking lack of brains that they, with all their degrees, find out later that these women were always one step ahead. In defense of the men who are surrounded by willing, attractive Thai ladies who offer themselves at what to these men seem like bargain prices, it is not difficult to overlook the more obvious and higher bill that is sure to be presented later.

I've lived, traveled and worked in Thailand for 23 years, and when I'm asked to cite references on the commercial sex scene in Thailand, this book always occupies the top of the list. No one says it as well as the women themselves, and I found these interviews to be very credible. The foreword, by a Thai academic, was also among the more enlightening essays I've read on this topic.

Should be read by any male or female contemplating an entree into Thailand's "demi-monde".

....a darker Asian chapter. I used to live in Thailand. Initially I was absolutely revolted by the many possible and impossible kinds of prostitution on public, unavoidable show there. I hated it, and especially the Western men involved. Hello, my big... helped me understand a little bit of what was going on. The rest, I realised, I needed to accept, or better leave. It was good to read about the ladies' and gentlemen's views and motivations. The book opened up a new horizon to me which otherwise I would have never seen. I stayed - nowadays my worse Asian memories originate from Bangkok traffic and not from big, big honey.

This book was very interesting and fascinating to really hear about the inside world of the bar girls in Thailand. It really opened my eyes more on how lovestruck farangs really are and how broken hearted and callous the girls can become. It is obviously a means to survive, quite frankly the ONLY reason they do what they do, so it is no surprise they share their "love" with the men that become their clients. Oh the flip side, it is understandable, but sad to see the farangs who have trouble finding intimacy and love at home to quickly "fall in love." I have a great desire to go to Thailand and for a 41yo single male, I find this book a revelation on how not to fall in love and why! Seriously, I would have ranked this 5 stars had it been more heavily weighted on the interviews of the girls and the bar owners rather a 50-50 on those and the love letters from the farangs. After reading a handful of the letters, it was the same old pathetic "I love you and miss you." Do not let this influence your decision in buying this book, it is a real eye-opener

Australian men bitten by the love bug after a dalliance in a Bangkok bar can take heart -- you are not alone.

It seems Thai bar girls are objects of genuine desire from many overseas strangers.

And they have stacks of love letters to provite it.

Two writers, American Richard Ehrlich and Canadian Dave Walker, won the confidence of several women to gain an intimate slice of the sex trade that rarely gets seen.

The result has been a bestseller..."Hello My Big Big Honey! -- a collection of love letters to Bangkok bar girls and their revealing interviews.

Letter-writers' names were omitted for privacy though all the texts begged one questioon -- could love survive in these conditions?

Ehrlich says it can, but the odds are against it.

He and Walker trawled Bangkok bars for more than two years before cataloguing selected letters in a tome of tryst and mistrust.

"Prostitutes told us a lot of men fell in love with them and went back to Australia, America and Europe and sent back love letters, putting money in envelopes," Ehrlich said...

"That proved they were in love because they were no longer having sex."

Some letters were from Australian factory workers.

Cash was often intended to put the girls through school and some letters mentioned marriage.

"The girls would have large manila envelopes stuffed with love letters from many guys from many countries," he said.

"Most were fairly juvenile expressions of lust but there were some genuine love letters."

It was the genuine letters that gave rise to the book.

Ehrlich and Walker quizzed the girls about AIDS, the status of prostitutes in Thai society and their advice to fresh recruits.

"One girl had several guys all sending her money and she was telling them all she would marry them," he said.

"Yet she was placing adverts in New Zealand. She was more mercenary.

"Her dream was to get enough gold to open a shop.

"Another girl had slash marks on a forearm from a suicide attempt.

"She fell in love with a foreign guy and really believed he loved her but one night she walked into another bar and found him with another bar girl. So she slit an arm."

Then there was another girl taken on by feminist agencies and non-government organisations who toured the world to lecture about prostitution and the dangers of AIDS.

"Although she knew everything about AIDS and safe sex, she said she would go without a condom if she needed the money," Ehrlich said.

He discussed the mechanics of long-distance love affairs with a Thai academic who concluded: "A foreign man having sex is in control but the moment he falls in love she is the boss."

Two fantasies are commonly played out -- he is her proactive saviour and she passively will be saved from her lifestyle and move to the West.

"In reality he may beat her or take her back home and use her as a prostitute there," Ehrlich said.

Money was an enduring part of a relationship, he said.

For her, it demonstrated true love.

For him, it shouldn't buy love.

This led to the seeds of mistrust.

Ehrlich saw Bangkok bars as a conduit for tourists and expats to meet normally conservative Thai women who would avoid scandalous associations with foreign men.

Prostitution is illegal in Thailand.

About 95 per cent of the trade is between Thais, only 5 per cent with foreigners.

About two million of the 65 million Thais are thought to have HIV.

Ehrlich said some foreign men did marry Thai bar girls and lived happily ever after.

by Torrance Mendez, West Australian, Perth

This book represents a well conceived but primitively executed publication in which the "author(s)" have merely collected a series of forlorn but repeditive "love" letters to Bangkok go-go dancers from their smitten, oddball foreign "customers". The letters themselves do reflect a kind of sappy desperation, but grow very boring very quickly. The book includes several interviews with the bar girls themselves which prove to be the only interesting part; both in the girl's world outlook and in their comical butchery of the English language. Otherwise, this book is a waste.

The most annoying thing about the book is the photographs- they look like they were taken twenty years ago with some tourist's Kodak Disk camera. Almost half seem to be of katoeys (male transsexuals/ transvestites) and all are thoroughly uninspired. The "authors" seem to limit themselves only to women in the Patpong go-go bar areas and do not explore other issues in the strange farang/bargirl subculture. It is hard to believe somebody could publish such an uninteresting book based on such a bizarre and fascinating topic as the Bangkok sex trade, but this is it. BORING.

The book made a bigger impact on how I view Thailand and the fact that I'm half Thai.

How my heart really goes out to these women and how my mom has been away from Thailand for the past 20 years.

But also how my father was on vacation the time he met my mother.

In the back of my head I've always had thoughts that perhaps my mother was one of these bar girls because she has never fully gone into detail of how they met.

"We were introduced by friends. I worked at a zoo."

That's all I know!

It never made sense since my mom didn't speak an ounce of English when they met.

I'm very curious but I don't want to disrespect my mom and ask if she was a bargirl (she'd slap me upside my head) hehe.

Not to mention she'd probably deny it.

Your book has brought insight and how much struggle these women have to go through to make ends meet and even how my mom could be considered lucky to have left a bad situation and found her "white man."

The book was very thought provoking and it really struck a nerve with me

Now if I can only save up to head back to see my family!

I first visited and fell in love with Thailand when I was 19. It was not till 1994 when I was 30 that I decided to go native. While helping out at my friend's travel agency, I discovered an interesting letter translation service that was offered in almost every other travel agency. When tour guides had no work, they translated "love letters" for Thai women who had foreign boyfriends. All letters told virtually the same story. Mother sick, brother in jail, buffalo died ... these are the bargirls. In the case of students and office workers, course fees, computer went caput, want to set up own business because boss is abusive and exploitative ...

It takes an insider to appreciate the size of this love letter industry. People who say that it's the same everywhere else in the world ain't seen nothing yet. It's quite amazing that authors Dave Walker and Richard Ehrlich dared to make these embarrasing letters public. I nearly tripped over my own toes when I saw this book in the bookstore back then.

Highly controversial but totally honest, this book reproduces the letters that bargirls sent to their foreign boyfriends. It's definitely a project that took more legwork than keyboard hours, but the authors did include interviews with insiders and also a foreward by a Thai sociologist.

The moral of the story? The line between true love and mercenary prostitution is sometimes blurred in the Land of Smiles. Prostitutes don't just charge a fee for service. They create an illusion of romance. It would be good if the suckers could read this book. It would be even better if they could watch a video of a Thai woman weeping in the phone booth telling her Western boyfriend how much she misses him and then smiles to her Thai boyfriend beside her immediately after hanging up. Still, those who think with the wrong "head" are often impervious to reason.

But anyone who has dated traditional Thai women would also have noticed that even good girls will ask for money. The root of the conflict lies in the difference in "money culture". The Westerner thinks that a woman who truly loves him will not ask him for money. The Thai woman thinks that a man who truly loves her will show it with money.

It's not a great book, but at a time when there was no other material on this subject, I thought it was a very good and courageous attempt by the authors.

Confessions of a Bangkok Private Eye: True stories from the case files of Warren Olson

Thai Girl

Wondering into Thai culture, or, Thai whys, and otherwise

The King Never Smiles: A Biography of Thailand's Bhumibol Adulyadej

Along Bangkok's Patpong Road night market, in bars such as Pussy Galore, Pink Panther and King's Castle, tourists meet up with the bar dancers. This sensitive, eye-opening book examines the relationships enabled by the bars. In first-person accounts, through the dozens of letters the men write to their "darlings" after they return home, and in interviews with the women, the authors view the complex world of Patpong--money, sex, love, loneliness, disease. Also, there is an interview with one "mama-san."

In the prologue, Dr. Yos Santasombat dissects and analyzes the worker-client relationship. In the epilogue, Mrs. Pisamai Tantrakul describes her role and reasons for translating and typing many of the letters.

Highly recommended for those interested in Thailand and Southeast Asia, tourism and travel, women's rights and gender studies.

Reviewed 3rd expanded ed., 7th printing, 1998.