Customer Reviews

Hello, Lied the Agent: And Other Bullshit You Hear as a Hollywood TV Writer

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There are many books about the entertainment business but I'm not aware of any besides 'Hello, Lied The Agent' which manage to capture the often agonizing, occasionally ecstatic day to day life of a TV writer in the process of developing a new series...

Gurvitz's book features quotable lines on just about every page ("It's been said that in Hollywood, friends don't want friends to fail; friends want friends to die") and a comprehensive overview of the television landscape valuable to anyone who's ever wanted to know how shows - brilliant or execrable - proceed from concept to airing (or more likely oblivion).

Take it from someone who didn't write the book; it is a great read...

I have worked on the production side of television, so I've been a fly on the wall during many of the same conversations described and quoted in HELLO, LIED THE AGENT. Guys and gals who never even moved props on their high school play are suddenly telling veteran comedy writers what makes for a funny show. Even though it's a really cynical look at the current arbiters of taste in network TV land, there is a sense of hard ball reality to this book. This is the big leagues and this is how the game is played. If you don't like it...teach history to seventh graders or work in a drug store. This book would be interesting to anyone who has ever dreamed of putting pen to paper and thought they could make a living with their words.

If you want to learn the inner workings of the TV- or for that matter, Hollywood- writing world, without the boredom of other 'so-called' experts, YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK! It is funny...no, HILARIOUS! From page one, Ian Gurvitz takes you on a wild and wonderful ride, and does not let up. HELLO, LIED THE AGENT is a must-read for anyone who wants to get into the business (and even of you don't, you'll find yourselves in stitches anyway).

This book could not be more cynical about the TV industry if it tried, but that is what makes it such a funny and honest depiction. It provides a great insight into the process and improbability of getting a TV show aired and, despite the hurdles Gurvitz describes, he has managed to create two, both of which were majorly successful--Becker and Wings.
I listened to the audio and Gurvitz's East Coast, croaky drawl truly captures the sardonic wit in the his writing.
I recommend this to everyone in the industry, even if it is to just read the secrets revealed about everyone else involved.

Ian Gurvitz gets it. In 342 pages he beautifully encapsulates the angst, torment and general shpeilkis of TV development and turns the frustrating into something funny.

It's a bucket of cold water in the face of those with dreams of being the next King of Television.

Only, the title seems a bit "down" and could the book be brown instead of black? Oh and can the main character find true love at the end with sexy consequences? Lastly, Ian is a clammy name. How about Tad?

This is a fast, funny and most of all a damn illuminating read for any and everyone interested in someday writing for television. You absolutely need to read this book if you consider ever writing for television.

Actually, I believe actors who want to act in television should read it as well (Ian's checklist of DO's and DON'T's for actors auditioning for show creators is priceless in and of itself.).

There are a ton of books out there telling a person about the craft of writing for television, but seldom are they written by someone who's actually done the work he or she is trying to teach you through the book in question.

Not so with Mister Gurvitz. Not only has he written for many, many shows (BECKER, WINGS, FRASER, THE WONDER YEARS) he actually takes you through a year of his life AS A PAID TV WRITER, now, takes you to pitch meetings, writes a pilot (more than one), his dealings with studios and stars, you are there in the room with him, in a sense. This is an immediate book which, next to Ian's obvious wit and humor, is its strongest asset.

He shares the trade directly, while he's in the act of doing it, and it's the most brutally honest book on writing for TV that I've read so far. And I've read many a book on the topic.

And it's funny, too.

So if any of you young scribes out there are considering a career in television, I think you should purchase this immediately. Actually, even if you write anything, be it plays or novels or comics or restaurant reviews, this is a good book to have to see inside the mind of a writer. The lessons and insights are universal.

I've read this book twice already and will most likely read it many more times in the future.

I cannot recommend it enough, it's a Must-Read.

I like entertainment business stories although admittedly, most have been concerning movies. This is an excellent behind the scenes diary of a semi-successful TV writer who has just entered a two year development deal to develop TV Pilots. The frustrations he expresses and his thesis of how producer and network notes water down a compelling plot are very intriguing. And he supports this well stating that shows like Seinfeld are difficult to get on the air.

The writing style of this book is also interesting. It is a typical narrative description which sometimes reverts totally to the notes that he took at that time. This technique clearly illustrates his frustrations as he waits for very important meetings only to watch them cancelled time and again.

In closing the two year development deal leads down many roads where he thinks he is very close to closing many deals with exceptional earnings potential. Basically, it's feast or famine. He goes from no business to multiple deals and writings required back to nothing. A very fascinating behind the scenes look that I strongly recommend.

Forget for the moment that I wrote the book and that that statement might come off more than a little biased but wtf, I might as well be the first to review it. At least I know it'll be favorable. (And if anyone does end up giving it a negative review it's only because they're ignorant.) This is, with the exception of a few other books on the subject, easily the best book about being a Hollywood tv writer I've ever read. If you don't believe me, here are a few quotes from the back cover:

"If you read only one book this year that took a lot of balls to write, this is the one. We live with war and pollution and corruption and pretend to care, but the thing that really affects our lives: network TV sucks. Finally, you'll know the reason why." BILL MAHER

"Ian Gurvitz's "Hello," Lied the Agent is howlingly funny and sadistically truthful. In a Hollywood fraught with paranoia and fear, Gurvitz sticks a mirror in the reader's face while stabbing us in the gut with a butter knife--forcing us to appreciate the greatest industry in the world without having it killing us first." ANTHONY E. ZUIKER, CREATOR AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCER--CSI FRANCHISE

"The life of a TV comedy writer in Hollywood is similar to that of our ancestors on the plains of Africa: brutal, short and without pity. There is something noble here." ED O'NEILL

There are also some very complimentary and accurate quotes from Bernie Brillstein, Ted Danson, Dennis Miller, Robert Kaplow, Tom Arnold, and Larry King. I swear, I'm not making this up. Check it out for yourself.

The basic thesis of the book is the question why is TV so stupid? Is TV made that way because no one can write a clever script or is TV just giving the people what they want? The answer is primarily syllogism. According to Gurvitz, it's called show business, not show art. To make money, networks focus on the 18-35 age demographic. Apparently, in that age range, viewers want escapism and brainlessness. TV executives know the demographic and want shows that attract viewers. Creativity is subject to the whim of TV executives. Gurvitz describes creativity as an opportunity prone to the whims of the network bureaucracy: "Ideas do not live for their own sake. Ideas live in the context of who's on what deal where, what bit of talent will make it more attractive, what studio you're at and does the network they're trying to program want this specific project" (page 205).

The book was written in 2006 when the apparent vacuum created by the termination of Frazier, Friends and Everybody Love Raymond seemed to be getting filled up by reality shows (Survivor, American Idol, Fear Factor, Amazing Race). Reality shows are "writer proof" and were encroaching on the availability of half hour and hour slots for sitcoms.

Part 1 is written in the manner of a blog rant and is the best part of the book. He gives the nuts and bolts of script writing, pitching the idea, "notes," casting and executing a show. Along the way, many ideas fall by the wayside in the ultracompetitive culture of sitcoms. Best section are "The four predictably annoying responses I get when I tell people I write for TV" and "Hollywood stole my idea."

In part 2, Ian Gurvitz guides the reader through the fickle and overcrowded world of Hollywood sitcom writers. Not as clever or insightful as part 1, but does give the reader an appreciation of the long odds involved in getting a script onto the air. Part 2 is written in journal style and provides an almost daily play-by-play of his attempts to pitch scripts to networks. Gurvitz spends most of his time with several irons in the fire, never sure if any will pan out. He spends a lot of time reviewing the network trends for what shows are getting picked up by the networks and which show are cancelled. Obviously, Gurvitz has the luxury of hindsight, so he can describe the fanfare for a newly launched show then flash forward to its cancellation. He admits that Part of the attraction of monitoring the cancellation is schadenfreude - the joy in watching rival script writers suffer and struggle when they got their big chance.

What made the book work for me was the fact that Gurvitz is forthright about his success and preemptively says he is lucky to have had a career as a Hollywood script writer. Otherwise, his criticism and cynicisms would have simply sounded like whining. To be honest, his life overall sounds pretty good. My favorite insights are his critique of TV reviewers (page 65), analysis of why "Cheers" worked and "Single Guy" didn't (page 100), and his answer to the question "Why do they need all those producers?" (page 112). Like most sitcoms, some of his jokes work and some are just offensive. I would not necessarily recommend this book if you solely want to read something funny. It's mildly humorous. In fact, the title may be the funniest part. The attraction to the book is its honesty.

I loved the book for a lot of reasons. It gives fascinating insights into a world most of us wannabe TV writers never imagined. Frankly, I am etertnally grateful to Ian Gurvitz for painting a picture that only a supremely confident and talented mascochist could endure. It ain't for me. Thanks, Ian.

I could have done without the political views but they are thankfully brief and scattered. I also didn't read some of the reprinted articles from entertainment periodicals because they were written two years ago and in such teeny, tiny font.

It's a stream of consciousness that won't have a long shelf life but it is still a hell of a lot of fun.