Help! A Bear Is Eating Me! [Kindle Edition]

Mykle Hansen

Mykle Hansen (Author)

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Book Description

"Mykle Hansen's book is the Scarlet Letter, the Age of Innocence, the Wuthering Heights of books narrated by a guy being eaten by a bear -- The Last of the Motherfuckin' Mohican's of ursine mastication. Just sayin'."
-Christopher Moore, author of Lamb, A Dirty Job, and Fool

Trapped in a remote Alaskan forest, pinned under his own SUV, gnawed upon by nature's finest predators, Marv Pushkin -- Corporate Warrior, Positive Thinker, Esquire subscriber -- waits impatiently for an ambulance and explains in detail the many reasons why this unfolding tragedy is everyone's fault but his own.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

"Mykle Hansen's book is the Scarlet Letter, the Age of Innocence, the Wuthering Heights of books narrated by a guy being eaten by a bear -- The Last of the Motherfuckin' Mohican's of ursine mastication. Just sayin'." -CHRISTOPHER MOORE, author of Fool and A Dirty Job

"Brilliant, poignant, and utterly hilarious." -CARLTON MELLICK III, author of Satan Burger

"A satirical swan song for the secret reptile desires in every American heart...face-melting fun from first to last." -JEREMY ROBERT JOHNSON, author of Angel Dust Apocalypse and Extinction Journals

"A unique and memorable work of absurd humor." -LITERARY STRANGE DIGEST

Product Details

• File Size: 274 KB
• Print Length: 132 pages
• Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
• Publisher: Eraserhead Press (February 18, 2010)
• Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
• Language: English
• ASIN: B00394F3PG
• Text-to-Speech: Enabled
• X-Ray:
  Enabled
• Lending: Enabled
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #387,717 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

68 of 71 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Help! A Bear is Eating Me! December 2, 2008

By Jeff Burk

Format:Paperback

Marv Pushkin is a jerk. He is a greedy, drug-addicted, nature-hating, member of middle-management who cheats on his wife. He is also pinned beneath his SUV, loaded up with pain-killers, while a bear is eating him alive. So begins Mykle Hansen's comedic bizarro novel, "Help! A Bear is Eating Me!"

The ambitious premise of the book is that it takes place totally in the mind of Marv Pushkin while he is being eaten. There is very little action that takes place during the story but the character of Marv makes the book completely absorbing. Marv may be a jerk, but he is a charming, talented story-teller. This is a difficult literary trick to pull off, but Hansen succeeds with impressive ease.

Hansen has a strong and engrossing writing voice. In the hands of a less talented author, a book with this premise would totally fall flat. Instead, Hansen tells an addictive story that the reader will not be able to put down.

Hansen also gives the reader a lot to think about. Marv is a caricature of one of those corporate losers that everyone encounters. Using this kind of person as a main character, Hansen satirizes many aspects of modern living. Be it money, sex, or friendship, Marv is never satisfied with what he has and is completely consumed with a desire for more material wealth.

"Help! A Bear is Eating Me!" is a unique and memorable work of absurd humor. Mykle Hansen has crafted a fascinating character study of a thoroughly unlikable person. While the reader may not sympathize with Marv, it is hard to pull away from his plight.

34 of 35 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars I Wasn't Always Being Eaten By a Bear. June 9, 2009

By almitchell

Format:Paperback

Ironically I just bought this book at Powell's while on a trip to Portland. The title caught my eye, and after a quick flip through the pages I decided to buy it, and I am glad I did.

The story concerns one Marv Pushkin, slimy executive and all-around jerk, who has taken his team of underlings, the wife he hates, and the woman he's having an affair with on a Team Building trip to the wilds of Alaska. He is also trapped under his majestic and very expensive SUV. Oh, and he's being eaten by a bear.

The story is basically a stream of consciousness from the mind of Marv as he is eaten by a bear, consumes massive quantities of drugs and painkillers washed down with beer, suffers from withdrawals from his material world of success, imagines and reimagines his life as it has happened, and very slowly starts to slide into plain insanity. He describes his circumstances in a wonderfully outraged self-absorbed tone, and you slowly begin to learn that what Marv has convinced himself of is not necessarily what really happened, but it's done in a convincing way. The entire section where he is obsessing over his feet is priceless.

The book works as a very broad satire - Marv's voice is very original and very funny and resounds with the echoes of every scumbag executive you've ever seen or read about - but given how funny and creative the majority of the book was, I was disappointed in how it ended. It did fit the tone of the book, but it seemed a little rushed.

I thoroughly enjoyed it and I have already lent the book out to a friend. It's on my recommended reading list.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant idea! October 9, 2009

By James N Simpson

Format:Paperback

This is a refreshing, interesting, and just really different book than anything I'm betting you've read for a long time. What an idea! Write a story about a guy lying trapped underneath his 4WD while a bear gnaws at his exposed legs. Even better idea, make the guy (Marv Pushkin) a total self centred jerk who even though you are just an imaginary person in his mind, still tells you off while narrating his mind diary account of his situation with an adversary he calls Mr Bear. Marv also tells you what led up to him being trapped under a 4WD, "I wasn't always being eaten by a bear" in Alaska in the first place, as well as his opinions on nature and the natural order of things. As he awaits rescue by his underlings, you won't like him, but you'll admit he is damn entertaining, knows how to tell a tale, and you won't be able to put this book down. Underlings which are so going to be fired for not getting there quicker pretty much sums up the type of guy Marv is.

It's only 129 pages, but Help! a Bear is Eating Me is a classic and very funny read!

I don't know that Hansen's next book will make it into the public libraries with the title Rampaging F rs of Everything on the Crazy S ing Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere, so you'll probably have to buy it. I will be! (Note after repeated attempt after attemp Amazon ridiculously does not publish this review with Hansen's actual second book title's words. So I have had to just use the initial letter for some of those words, but the title does display in full on that Amazon product's page).

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Short and Sweet June 30, 2010

By M. Zveris

Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase

Let me start by saying this is not a bad book. It is short which makes it easy to go through in a single sitting, it has a distinct sense of humor (presented by our victim and narcissist main character Mr. Pushkin) that borders at times on more than just simply disturbing, and it contains a distinct voice. When so many books leave the reader wondering how the main character thinks and feels about a situation because the author uses the setting for most of the storytelling we are never without the optimistic, slightly inebriated, and caustic opinions of the bastard under the car being eaten by a bear.

I enjoyed reading this book, I found it a very funny and very honest portrayal of what someone of Mr. Pushkin's particular character flaws would do in such a situation. Presented as a man who believes that his image (and not Image Team) is everything, we aren't disappointed when his thoughts turn to suing the car company and drift to the lazy people who didn't detail the underside of his very expensive car. The language of the book radiates with the character and not an outside voice (the author) which makes it all the more unique.

That all having been said, there are several glaring errors in the books grammar (including the spelling) that should have been caught before publishing. Within the first pages they jump out at you and can disrupt the flow of the book. In the beginning I was willing to overlook these as possible quirks of the character but it became obvious by a quarter through that this was not intentional. It actually reminded me of when someone just runs through their spellcheck program and never looks at the suggestions to see if they make any sense. That was very disappointing and the only thing that kept me from giving this book five stars.

Ultimately my litmus test is whether I will read the book again (I will gladly) and if I will suggest it to friends (I already have). I am looking forward to sampling some Mr. Hansen's other works. Read more ›