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Help Me Live, Revised: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know [Paperback]

Lori Hope
4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)

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Book Description

September 13, 2011
Almost all of us know someone with cancer.
 
And, of course, we want nothing more than to offer comfort and support, and foster hope. But we don’t always know how—and may feel uncomfortable asking. Following her own treatment for cancer, Lori Hope created a survey for cancer survivors addressing issues they wanted their families, friends, and caregivers to understand. The results of the newly expanded survey are presented with honesty, insight, and humor, and complemented by scores of compelling personal stories from survivors of diverse ages and backgrounds.
 
If you are a caregiver, Help Me Live will help you communicate more effectively and respond more compassionately. And if you are a survivor, it will help you feel validated, empowered, and, ultimately, hopeful.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“The perfect book for family and friends.”
—Susan Love, MD, author of Dr. Susan Love’s Breast Book, President, The Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation
 
“This book is a gift to anyone who has been touched by cancer.”
—Nancy L. Snyderman, M.D., F.A.C.S., NBC News Chief Medical Editor, Associate Professor Head and Neck Surgery, University of Pennsylvania
 
“Lori Hope writes with an eloquence and authenticity that inspires all her readers. If you or a loved one have been touched by cancer, Help Me Live is required reading.”
—Greg Anderson, author of Cancer: 50 Essential Things to Do, Founder and CEO, Cancer Recovery Foundation Group
 
“Lori Hope offers guidance that is always sensitive and often deeply illuminating. Please, please, read this book!”
—Barbara Ehrenreich, author of Bright–Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America and Nickel and Dimed
 
“This is a book every cancer survivor, as well as those who share our world, need to read. She says the words that none of us wants to say out loud and offers realistic explanations of how we all need to relate to our disease. This book can offer a great deal of comfort to those starting on the path of living with cancer.”
—Kathryn Joosten, actress, The West Wing, Desperate Housewives, and Scrubs
 
“In Help Me Live, Lori Hope has created a masterpiece of compelling and heartfelt words of heal-
ing that should be required reading for doctors, family, and friends of anyone traversing the cancer landscape.”
—Regina Vidaver, PhD, Executive Director, The National Lung Cancer Partnership
 
“Even though I am a twenty-year survivor, I needed to be reminded about what people in the throes of cancer need, and Lori Hope’s book is perfect.”
—Kathy La Tour, Editor-at-Large, Cure magazine
 
“In working over fifteen years as an oncology social worker, it seemed as if Lori Hope had been sitting alongside me catching the rich insights and poignant narratives of our clients and then beautifully crafted Help Me Live to assist the world in truly understanding how one best helps the cancer patient.”
—Win Boerckel, LCSW, MSW, Director of Social Service, CancerCare of Long Island
 
“Lori Hope’s masterful storytelling and clear explanations are invaluable.”
—Wendy Harpham, MD, author of Happiness in a Storm, Diagnosis: Cancer, and Only 10 Seconds to Care: Help and Hope for Busy Clinicians
 
“Always compassionate and pragmatic, Help Me Live breaks new ground with sections on children and young adults and cultural considerations—truly a wonderful resource for all of us.”
—Peggy McGuire, Executive Director, Women’s Cancer Resource Center
 
“Help Me Live is beautifully written and offers extraordinary pearls of wisdom on love, on hope, on survivorship, on friendship.”
—Laurie Fenton Ambrose, President and CEO, Lung Cancer Alliance
 
“As a two-time survivor of breast cancer and a journalist, I found Help Me Live to be informative, touching, and even funny—and when it comes to cancer, you need a sense of humor. The author certainly lives up to her name.”
—Laura Marquez, ABC News correspondent
 
“[Hope] writes exquisitely of the emotions and the roller-coaster ride of a cancer diagnosis and treatment. As a nurse educator, I plan to share this book with my students to try and give them some insight into the common experiences that many cancer patients have, as well as the uncommon ones.”
—Patricia Reilly, California State University School of Nursing

“This book is invaluable for anyone diagnosed with cancer and for anyone who has a family member or friend battling the disease. Lori Hope, a lung cancer survivor, writes intimately, poignantly, poetically, and humorously.”
—Marc Silver, author of Breast Cancer Husband: Help Your Wife (and Yourself) during Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond

About the Author

Lori Hope is a journalist, Emmy-winning documentary filmmaker, and speaker. A tireless advocate for those struggling with the social and interpersonal challenges that come with cancer, she has served on the board of the Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation, has volunteered for The Lung Cancer Alliance and the National Lung Cancer Partnership, and has spoken before the American Cancer Society, the Oncology Nursing Society, and Tulane Medical School. Her commitment to cancer survivors will continue until this book is no longer needed. Visit www.lorihope.com.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Celestial Arts; Rev Exp edition (September 13, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 158761149X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1587611490
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.8 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #57,616 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Lori Hope is an author, producer, and public speaker. Her top-rated cancer support book, Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know, has been featured in media including The Today Show, Time, Redbook, The Wall Street Journal, US News & World Reports, ABC News' "Nightline", the San Francisco Chronicle, and the Hallmark Channel, and her popular blog appears on the Huffington Post.

A former newspaper editor and award-winning journalist who developed hundreds of medical news reports and documentaries for television broadcast, her dozens of honors include two Emmys. A lung cancer survivor who quit smoking seventeen years before her diagnosis, Hope has written essays and opinion pieces that have appeared in Newsweek and other publications and have been broadcast on hundreds of public radio stations nationwide. Her essays appear in college English textbooks, and her broadcast work has appeared on CBS, ABC, PBS, HBO, and NBC stations. She has been a guest on the Oprah Winfrey show.

Hope has lectured about the power of hope, compassionate communication, and smoking cessation and addiction and the stigma of lung cancer at dozens of conferences and institutions including Tulane University Medical School, UCLA, the American Cancer Society, the Jewish Federation of Silicon Valley, and the American Thoracic Society International Conference. Hope is a health expert on SheSource.org; a member of the National Cancer Survivors Day Speakers Bureau; and the most popular professional blogger on CarePages.com.

A graduate of Washington University in St. Louis, Hope earned a BA in Philosophy. She taught documentary production in San Francisco at the nation's most advanced non-commercial media access and training center, Bay Area Video Coalition, for more than a decade. Currently, she is a member of the executive board of the Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation and volunteers for several other cancer organizations. In her spare time, Hope enjoys her family and friends, walking her dog, and exercising to stay strong, healthy, and centered.

Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5 stars
(17)
4.9 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars HOPE sparks hope October 7, 2011
Format:Paperback
As a cancer survivor and caregiver, I found this book not only needed but essential. With sensitivity and warmth, it tackles an important subject that must be addressed. As much as we all wish, cancer is not going to go away anytime soon. One in two American men and one in three American women will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetimes. Survivorship has become a national priority and it will continue to grow.

So what do you say to someone whose life has been turned upside down by a cancer diagnosis?

Hope interviewed scores of cancer survivors asking them bluntly about the comments and actions that helped them most, as well as those that wounded. Her book is a practical outline on how to truly help and be present in a cancer survivor's life. More important, is it a storybook full of tales (some quite funny) that illustrate words and actions that have helped or hurt.

I have given copies of this book to many intelligent and sensitive but uniformed people -- people who have asked things like, How much time does the doctor think you have? How much life insurance do you have on your husband?

As more and more cancer survivors thrive, we become a force to be reckoned with. Cancer survivors should not feel slighted in addition to all the other issues they must face. No one can take the disease away, but Hope gives those who have friends and loved ones dealing with the disease an honest and practical blueprint for truly respecting and understanding their needs.

Hope has become a spokeswoman for communicating with compassion and her articles and presentations are truly changing the way we talk about cancer and surviving. What Hope has done for the survivorship movement is remarkable. Her book should be required reading for doctors, nurses and anyone entering the health care profession, as well as anyone touched by cancer.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I posted the following review in March of 2005. With Lori's second edition release of this extraordinary manifesto on how to win the battles of cancer, I am reposting my review with a few comments. First, it has been 6 years since my initial review: I am strong and fit and finding the magic in each day. Thank you, Lori! Secondly, I have added at the end of my review how the lessons learned in 'Help Me Live' have manifested to a little of my own activism and how I share the lessons in Lori Hope's very important guide to many. So, to begin ....

I have had my fair share of cancer battles. In hindsight, there were some battles that I won, and some battles that I lost. I am confident I have won my own personal war against this life-altering disease. Society has a label for someone like me: `A Survivor'. Though the terminology might be appropriate to a degree, I do not think of myself as `A Survivor', but rather a person who has been given a fair share of blessings because I had to my own cancer fights. I consider my self `A Conqueror'. Hard to imagine? Then you should think again. My cancer battles helped me evolve as a person, made me a more enlightened soul, one who appreciates each and every moment I have here. Unfortunately, too many people forget this. My point in sharing this little history of mine is so that you know I am not a single event cancer fighter, but a multiple event Conqueror!

Saying all of this, if you or a person close to you is fighting the big `C', then I cannot express to you the significance of Lori Hope's book Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know. This is more than a must read . . . the advice and perspective Ms. Hope shares thru her book is, and again, I cannot express this enough, essential to the recovery process for not only the person who is physically fighting this dreaded disease, but also the entire support group of family and friends, who too are fighting this disease through their support of the cancer victim.

As a `Conqueror' herself, Lori was wise in her writing style for this book. Filled with a sense of ease, grace, and lots of humor, this book shouts out with pragmatic optimism that every individual involved with the `C' war will appreciate. You will find yourself after reading this book, regardless if you are the physical victim, or part of a support group, filled with optimism and a certain sense of clarity. The funny thing is that I said to myself after reading this book (my book is now filled with so many notes), `why is it that a person has to go thru this stuff to be able to see that the trees have beautiful leaves, and I better take a look at them?"

This is simply put an invaluable book, one not just for those that are fighting any type of medical issue, but in many ways a guide to how we should interact with one another.

I would like to personally thank the author for writing this much needed book.

Reviewed by Peter Thomas Senese. Author and `Conqueror'.

Now how I was empowered .... the following I had written and posted on several of my personal blog sites on September 16th, 2011.

As some of you may know, over the previous years I had a few major cancer fights. Through a lot of prayer, modern-medicine and absolute homeopathic treatment, I ski, fence, scuba, hike, cycle, dance, golf. I never forget how lucky I am.

Remembering this, several times a year I go to a specific children's hospital to read ESOP fables, bring a bunch of cool electronic games that I paid for by saving some money each week, but most of all, I make my visits in order to talk to the kids who are specifically fighting a deadly disease. They are the children fighting cancer, fiighting leukaimia or any number of dangerous other diseases.

I am there to remind them of just how strong they are. And make no mistake, they are incredibly strong in their own unique way.

I think my visitis in the past (I have been doing this for about ten years) really mean something for whatever the reasons.

Perhaps its because I tell them I was once just like them. Perhaps they know they can trust me because I show them my scars. Perhaps they can trust me because they can see how strong I am. Perhaps they can trust me because I can and do easily pick them up, sometimes with one hand. Or perhaps they can trust me because they see and feel the honesty in my eyes and voice, respecting and understanding the truth in what I have to say to them. I sure know they see my smile, feel my energy, and embrace my love.

And what I have to say is something special. I tell them about how I got strong. And I tell them that in a very special way, WE get to see the world a little different because we get to appreciate everything around us so much more! Funny how life becomes so much more meaningful when it could very easily be taken away from you at any moment. Many of the things I have learned, I share with them, comes from another warrior: Lori Hope, who wrote 'Help Me Lie', a book that I consider to be a manifesto on the art of war against a dangerous disease - and so, I share some of the very valuable lessons that Lori shared onto me to them (and their parents), and they get it.

Typically, I gather the children (usually 4-12: I wish there were 0) and with one or two nurses, we find the 'activity room' on the ward's floor.

And I begin by tell them about being warriors and about how strong they are, and how they can beat the dragon. And I tell them how to do that. And how magical life is.

Then I tell them the story of Autoro, the mighty dragon slayer who would appear in my dreams at night (that would be me) to fight the evil dragon at night when I would sleep. That Autoro would only show up at night when I was resting my body. I shared how sometimes Autoro would have good battles and sometimes not so good battles, just like sometimes we would have good physical days and not so good days. But I remind them that Autoro is a Master dragon slayer and a Knight ... and of course all of us little boys and girls know that Knights never loose the war, right?

And of course, I ask each of them if they would like Autoro to come and help them. And then seperately, I have this little moment where I give them the power of Autoro the Mighty Dragon Slayer Knight ... which of course makes each of them Knights, too. Mighty knights who must be patient and focused.

Over the years I have remained in touch with a good number of these knights. I have never forgotten one during Christmas, and I make it my business to stay in touch with them by sending letters, pictures, and gifts (always books).

Sometimes God has had a different plane. And I understand that there are times when some of my Warrior Knights have gone to the place I aspire to go to: Heaven. And I take comfort in that.

I have not shared my activity with anyone but my closest of friends and family as this is a deeply personal matter. But a few minutes ago, the mother of one of the children called me and asked me if I could have my friends pray for her daughter Catherine, who at seven, will be having a major surgury on Monday.

So today - we could use a little extra prayer.

And as for my technique of Visualization ... that's up to you to embrace it or not. But I think we all have a much better chance to be what we want to be or accomplish what we want to accomplish when we embrace it.

Fighting cancer is obviously not an easy task no matter how advanced our understanding of healing becomes. What I have found during my time trying to make a difference is that when one Warrior speaks to another Warrior about the battle lines and techniques to victory, a Warrior is inclined to listen. During the past 6 years, I have headed much of the advice of another Warrior: Lori Hope, the author of 'Help Me Live'. It is many of her lessons or advice, if you will, that I have shared, particularly over these past 6 years, with many others. I know that the wisdom shared has in fact made a substantial difference on the lives of others - including myself, and I am most thankful.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I have been living with Breast Cancer for over 7 years, 4 of which at Stage IV. There is no cure and I will die of this disease.
Besides enduring endless treatments, baldness 3x, surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, scans, tests, pain, and the emotional rollercoaster the things that people say or do can be just as painful.
If you are looking for a way to support a family member or friend, please read this book.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
I would suggest getting the revised edition. That said I have purchased several, some for family and friends and some for other patients. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Paimbia
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening
Very compassionate well written and eye opening made me realize that any body with cancer just wants to be treated normally and not like a leper
Published 4 months ago by ron
5.0 out of 5 stars Must Reading for Someone Who Has Cancer in Their Lives
My brother recently passed away from stomach cancer. I had not experienced someone that close to me with cancer before. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Carol1
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
I bought this for a friend of mine whose husband was recently diagnosed with cancer. She said this was the most incredible book and has since recommened it to many friends. Read more
Published 4 months ago by TT
5.0 out of 5 stars Best cancer book out there
As a three time survivor of oral cancer, I've read lots of cancer advice books, but this one is the best. it's exactly the book that I wanted to write but she beat me to it.. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Charm
5.0 out of 5 stars Help Me Live, Revised: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know
I'm only half way through it and so far it is pretty much what I expected. I recently lost my Mother to cancer and I was always asking her what was on her mind while she was ill... Read more
Published 8 months ago by acergurl
3.0 out of 5 stars could be less like a journal
This books has some good information. However, it turned into a Lori Hope journal and by the end I felt that she had shared "too much information", enlisting unsuspecting readers'... Read more
Published 9 months ago by readerforlife
5.0 out of 5 stars Lori Hope is Brilliant
Lori presents her premises from inside the minds & hearts of cancer patients, herself included. This was an in-depth presentation of how to be so as not to further hurt a... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Sandra Lipsman
5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST read!
As a director of an ovarian cancer non profit, I find this book to contain great information for those who are at a loss on how to help those battling cancer or caregiving. Read more
Published 12 months ago by FriedaW
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book!!!
This book is a must have for caregivers, supporters and family of any cancer patient.
It helped me in various ways to cope with the suffering of my wife and the limitations it... Read more
Published 12 months ago by Marcelo Matsubara
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