Customer Reviews

Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities for Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

My 5 yr old son was having a hard time coping with losing his mother to cancer. A friend recommended this book, and I thought it was abosultely wonderful. My son, who couldn't or wouldn't open up about his feelings, took to this book like he would a favorite coloring book, letting all his feeling and perceptions just flow out right there on paper. I bought it to help HIM, but it helped ME just as much--I wept when I looked at what he had drawn. After he finished it, he forgot about the book for a while. So I took it and put it in our hope chest for him to look back on years from now, as a keepsake and memory of the wonderful woman who brought him into this world, and who brought us both so much happiness.

I purchased this book for my daughter and now also plan to purchase it for my niece and nephew. After reading the other reviews I knew I needed to get this book and set it aside for when one or both of her grandparents pass away.

Basically this book is a place for your child to express what they might not be able to do by saying but can do so in drawing. Each page has a few sentences to help your child write or draw "out" their feelings of loss onto each page. I am even thinking of also in a blank notebook doing this as well for my daughter to see that adults too grieve and miss loved ones.

A few pages:

1st page reads:
Some things, like sand and sea shells, don't change, but people change. Is there someone you loved who has changed? Has this someone been sick or hurt? Draw you special someone.

Page 16:
Sometimes, when a special person dies, we feel like it is our fault. We think this person died because of something we did or didn't do. Death is not something you can control. It is not your fault that your special person died. Draw about some of the things you cannot control.

Page 24:
When a loved one dies, birthdays, holidays, and other special days can be very hard. You might feel mixed up, scared, angry, and sad all over again. On these days, you may want to plant a tree or do something in memory of your special someone. Draw or write your ideas.

Pages 26 & 27
Keep something that belonged to your special person so you can touch it and look at it and remember. Write or draw the things you have kept that belonged to your special person. Think about why these things are important to you.

Do you have a good box to keep memories in? You could put photos and objects from your special someone in this box and look at them anytime you'd like. Draw or write about what you might collect to put in your memory box.

Midway though this book there are also some helpful sugguestions for the reader and for younger children as well.

If you are looking for something for a preteen or teen and up there is also an excellent book called Angel Catcher - a journal of loss and remembrance by Kathy & Amy Eldon from Cronicle Books ISBN: 0811817318

This is a very good book for young children who have lost a special person. There are many suggestions for remembering this person and pages for writing down feelings as you and youngster explore this book.I used this book to explain to my four year old grandson about the loss of his father to murder. Put special pictures of my son and grandson on front pages so he could always nave his special pictures to look at whenever he missed his dad.

What a beautiful book. My 2 girls are watching their father slowly die of ALS--Lou Gehrig's disease. It is a painfully slow and tortious death in that he has slowly lost the use of his legs, arms and can no longer speak or eat by mouth. I used this book to help get them through this process. The art therapy approach honestly helped my 6 year old explain things she could not verbalize and the 8 year old enjoyed it for a type of relaxation. Thank you

This book is an absolute must have for anyone with a child who is about to face the loss of someone special and close -- due to an illness, accident, or age, -- Children have such difficulty expressing their emotions because in times of such sorrow and anxiety, they are experiencing things they have NEVER felt before. They are confused, distraught, fearful, and so terribly hurt - and when all the adults around them are suffering too -- it makes it all the harder to discuss such delicate and sensitive things -- we want to be strong for them, we don't want our angst to invoke their own.....
But we don't realize that hiding our emotions teaches them to hide their own, or worse, feel theirs are WRONG.....
That is why books like this are so precious and so very priceless -- because it gives the child an outlet to express themselves in the way they do best -- their own drawings, - and their own writings..... not only are these activities that children enjoy - it offers them such amazing therapy - a release.... It encourages them to express and emote, reflect, feel, cope, and most of all -- through creating what is essentially a journal of the child's journey through the impending loss, to the death, to the mourning that follows ---- it gives your child a keepsake for relection, - spiritiual growth, emotional strength, - and a grand tribute and memoir of the intense love and connection they shared - a book that will honor their love, -- and remind them as they grow through the years of the strength and courage they found within themselves, -- and the compassion and tenderness that blossoms from these things.
I gave this book four stars because, I felt misled, in that rather than it being a book for coping with death -- over one third of this book deals with PREPARING the child for what will happen and what to expect; asks them to discuss the changes the see in the person/pet, prompts talks about the hospital, the differences they notice in how the person looks,feels, behaves - what they are limited to now, versus how active or vibrant they were before, etc etc.... --- so it was actually written for those who have knowledge of a tragedy rounding the bend, - For a death is IMMANENT AND APPROACHING =
And I was searching for something that deals with death itself, when it is sudden, tragic, there is no time to explain - the chaos in the days preceding the funeral, everyone suffering so much themselves, -- we are certainly not in any state to find our own way to understand - how can we make our children? -- we are not all so blessed to have the time to say goodbye, to know, - to prepare....
My husband died beside me in the car two weeks before Thanksgiving on the way to his mother's house - I am 26 years old, - he was only 30. He fell asleep, and never woke up -- a brain annuerisym.... By the time I knew something was wrong, it was too late. I couldn't save him -- he made it to the hospital -- but neither could they.
This book can't really help all the beloved nieces and nephews he left behind, heartbroken, -- or me,
But again, -- if you are searching for a way to help prepare your children for a loss, which - if I had the time to prepare -- I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THIS BOOK - this is essential to their health, stablity, strength, and courage for the days ahead.
This book is unmatched in its subject matter and theraputic value. And it is something filled with memories of love they will have forever.

This is an exceptional book to use with children to help them to process their grief of a loved one. The books encourages children to write and or draw pictures about the one who is dying or has died.In addition the book provides useful suggestions for children when grieving the loss of a loved one. I believe every elementary school counselor should have several copies for their work with students who are processing loss. It's also a very good gift idea for kids who you know are grieving.

Art therapy is a wonderful way to let children release their emotions. Good ideas, great presentation.
I highly recommend this book.
We also used a video, After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death.

I bought this book to help my children with the approaching death of their Grandma. I liked it for the most part, but there could have been more activities to help with the trasition from a "sick" loved one to one that has already passed away.

This book deals with the PROCESS OF DYING and saying goodbye to a person who is leaving you slowly. It is a lovely book for this purpose. However, bought it for a child grieving the SUDDEN death of a sibling and it is not as suitable for this purpose. I wish it had been made more clear in the description.

Bought this for my godsons when their mom died; they are ages 7 and 10. Both of them had a hard time with the book, but it was helpful for me and gave me ideas of creative things I could do with them. They seem to be better with less structured approaches -- just their own art supplies and some suggestions of things we can do together based on ideas sparked by the book (painting pictures of happy memories, et.al.). Clay is good because they can pound on it and make noise and create "weird" things without having to be so direct about expressing their feelings while doing it. Plenty of feelings, but not so confining in how it's done. Kids have so many ways of expressing their grief and I'm learning to follow their lead rather than what I, as an adult, think it should look like.