Help Your Marriage Survive: The Death Of A Child [Hardcover]

Paul Rosenblatt (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 23, 2000

Many parents who have experienced the death of a child struggle with painful and at times overwhelming marital problems. Grieving can create great marital distance, and it can magnify those problems that existed before the child's death. Grieving parents often fear that divorce is a real possibility. This book can help. Based on intensive interviews of 29 couples who experienced the death of a child, this book offers perspectives and advice on common marital problems experienced by bereaved parents. Each couple's problems are unique, but often the problems are connected to couple communication, sexuality, parenting of other children, the use of alcohol and drugs, blaming, and differences in such areas as whether to have another child, how to grieve, how to talk about the child who died, whether to go outside the marriage for support, and what to do with things and spaces that were the child's. Although the book deals with pain and marital distress, it offers a message of hope. Grieving parents can and do get through the hard times, based on respect for differences, mutual understanding, and shared history. Author note: Paul C. Rosenblatt is Morse Alumni Distinguished Teaching Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. He was the founder of the Grief and Families Focus Group of the National Council on Family Relations. Rosenblatt was the keynote speaker at the First International Congress on Death and Dying in London and has been elected to membership in the prestigious International Work Group on Death, Dying, and Bereavement.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Rosenblatt, founder of the Grief and Families Focus Group of the National Council on Family Relations, has written a sympathetic book focusing on the effects of the loss of a child on a couple's relationship. Rosenblatt's research is based on interviews with 29 couples from different socioeconomic circumstances who lost children of varying ages. Although this book definitely fills a gap in death and dying literature, it is, unfortunately, poorly written, and its repetitious style detracts from its worth. Rosenblatt's advice differs little from couples counseling in general. Perhaps the most helpful chapter deals with strained sexual relationships following the death of a child. In some cases, Rosenblatt tries to copy the vernacular of the interviewees, but rather than enhancing the dialog, it actually disrupts the flow, often making the interviewees sound unintelligent. The book would have benefited from a list of references and/or suggested readings. Because the work is written specifically for couples, it is best suited for public libraries.AAnnette Haines, Central Michigan Univ. Libs., Mt. Pleasant
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"This book will be a useful tool for couples struggling to hang on to their marriage. As a bereaved parent, I know well the depths of despair and the painful struggle to keep a relationship alive when everything around you has fallen apart. How I wish Help Your Marriage Survive the Death of a Child had been written 24 years ago when my husband and I needed it so desperately! We did manage to survive, but this book would certainly have eased some of the panic, confusion, despair we experienced along the way to healing." --Darcie D. Sims, Ph.D., President, Grief, Inc., and author of Why Are the Casseroles Always Tuna? "Rosenblatt combines the wisdom accumulated from his distinguished career in marriage and family studies and the practical experience of couples whose children have died. He teaches without being pedantic, guides without being directive. This book will help bereaved couples understand stresses their child's death puts on each of them and on their marriage. And the book provides tools and insights couples can use as they rebuild their lives and families in a world that changed forever the day their child died." --Dennis Klass, Ph.D., Webster University, St. Louis, and author of The Spiritual Lives of Bereaved Parents "Help Your Marriage Survive the Death of a Child is an important contribution to the literature. Aimed as it is at grieving parents themselves, rather than a professional audience, the book contains a minimum of theory, and much practical information. Rosenblatt addresses the uniqueness of each grieving person, and the unique relationship of each couple. He speaks about the usual problems that grieving parents face3financial, emotional, gender differences, religious and sexual--stressing the importance of loving patience when couples grieve in different manners and at different times. The book offers suggestions, while a the same time honoring the 'do-it-yourselfness' of the grieving process. While the book has a target audience of grieving persons themselves, it is also valuable for professionals who are looking for concrete suggestions to give to clients, as well as an important addition to the libraries of counseling centers and support groups." --John D. Morgan, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus, Philosophy, and Coordinator, King's College Centre for Education about Death and Bereavement

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 200 pages
• Publisher: Temple University Press; 1 edition (October 23, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1566398045
• ISBN-13: 978-1566398046
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.7 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,729,421 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Author's Description of the Book, January 12, 2001

By 

Paul C. Rosenblatt (St. Paul, MN USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Help Your Marriage Survive: The Death Of A Child (Paperback)

This is my author's view of the book: Many parents who have experienced the death of a child struggle with painful and at times almost overwhelming marital problems. Grieving can create great marital distance, and it can magnity couple problems that existed before the child died. Grieving parents often fear that they will divorce. Most books that have been written to help grieving parents focus on individual, personal grief. This book focusses on the couple relationship. Based on intensive interviews of 29 couples who experienced the death of a child, the book offers perspectives, insights, powerful and moving interview quotes, and advice dealing with common marital problems experienced by bereaved parents. Commonly the problems are connected to couple communication, differences in grieving and how those differences are interpreted, sexuality, parenting of other children, the use of alcohol and drugs, blaming, differences about whether to have another child, differences in whether to go outside the marriage for support, and what to do with things and spaces that were the child's. This book discusses hard realities but offers a message of hope. Grieving parents can and do overcome marital difficulties and achieve a strong and loving marriage based on resepect for differences, mutual understanding, and their shared history.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars invaluable guidance for one of life's worst tragedies, September 12, 2001

By 

John Jung "jrjung" (Cypress, Ca United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Help Your Marriage Survive: The Death Of A Child (Paperback)

This book, written by a research psychologist and based on interviews with couples who lost a child, offers wise advice in everyday language rather than abstract jargon. While there are other useful guides available, they deal with each survivor on an individual basis. However, each parent may have different ways of coping which also procede at different rates. The present book is especially valuable because it focuses on the problems that death of a child might generate between the parents and offers (not imposes) advice to help the couple deal with their mutual loss. Of course, I do not presume to know how this book would affect other parents who lost a child but based on my own personal experience of such a loss, I can attest that it was very constructive positive counsel.