Customer Reviews

Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit in

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Gives understanding of the problems faced when someone does not have the ability to "get" non-verbal communication. Most of us know instinctively, by body language, what others are trying to convey. Not so with children and adults on the autistic spectrum. This book explains it all and better yet - gives concrete examples and exercises that you can do with your child at home or suggestions for the professionals to use in a school setting.

This book addresses reasons for kids who cant make friends because they are unaware of non verbal 'rules' between kids. They just dont catch on. The authors list about 6 clear areas to address that can be gone over with children to help remedy that. Each section has about 2 pages of suggested activities to try . I liked that while many other books offer psychobabble, this book goes into another dimension -of body language and actual body presentation. Real and practical stuff. I didnt like that the book felt as though the important information wasnt quite long enough for a book so it was padded to make it thick enough to be commercially viable. I'd bet this and their other book could be combined into one really worthwhile book.

This book explains how to teach a child better social skills. Unlike most books on this topic, "Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit In" actually addresses social skills (e.g., don't stand too close). The other books I've tried either teach manners (e.g., please & thank you) or teach your child to obey house rules (e.g., pick up toys without being told). Thats all well and good, but it does nothing to improve your child's social skills!

This book gets 5 stars from me (excellent quality) because it (1) clearly explains several key aspects of social skills, and (2) lists a variety of effective ways to teach these skills to your child.

One of the many virtues of this splendid book is the insight it offers into the ordinary dilemmas that many children face each day and the wise insight it offers for parents and teachers who wish to help the child who lacks social skills. Its practical and sane wisdom draws upon ample psychological research, making full use of a broad range of empirical studies, yet the authors make this book accessible to readers without any background in psychology. What strikes the reader is the genuine sympathy the authors display both for the child in difficulty and the parent or teacher who wishes to help. This is a truly humane book.

I am a psychologist specializing in working with "quirky kids", often diagnosed with Asperger's, Nonverbal Learning Disability, or some other sort of difficulty which involves social communication problems as part of the picture. I recommend this book (and its companion, Teaching Your Child the Language of Social Success") to parents regularly as very practical, nuts & bolts books for helping their children learn many of the specific nonverbal and paraverbal skills that are missing from their repertoire. I am very disappointed that Nowicki & Dukes' book for adults, "Will I Ever Fit In?: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Adult Dyssemia" is out of print.

Consumers of pop psychology books should always keep in mind that much of the theory and practice of clinical psychology is more an art than a science. The suggestions made in mid-twentieth century marriage or parenting books seem bizarre to modern eyes and there is every reason to believe that many of theories we hold today will seem equally antiquated in fifty years. Thus any good psychology teacher (and yes I'm one of those), trains their students to question the factual basis of psychological claims. You must always ask what evidence there is for a theory and how else that evidence might be explained.

Unfortunately the authors of this book make no effort to distinguish between hard facts and their beliefs and suppositions. In fact, they never bother to tell the reader how they reached these conclusion. Many of their claims would take decades of research to substantiate but they never allude to any such work.

Worse yet, several of their arguments fly straight in the face of well-established facts. This is most clear when they compare the acquisition of verbal and nonverbal communication. The authors argue that the knowledge that guides verbal communication is explicitly taught in school, while the knowledge that guides nonverbal communication is not. The implication seems to be that this lack of instruction might account for many children's difficulties with nonverbal communication.

I would hope that anyone who is ever taken an introductory psychology course could see the flaws in this argument. First, while cultures with formal schooling teach grammar in school this explicit instruction plays no role in children's ability to speak their native language. Children follow the rules of their native languages for many years before they are taught grammar, people in cultures without formal education speak grammatically, and children with language disorders do not learn to speak grammatically by attending English classes, instead they typically fail to develop an explicit knowledge of grammar because they lack the intuitions on which such theories are built. Second, the authors argument provides no explanation for why some children struggle with nonverbal language. In fact in places they seem to hint that this failure reflects a lack of experience and tutlelage, a suggestion which contradicts almost everything we know about the emergence of abilities which are typical of a species.

I bought this book as a parent looking for ways to help a child. So the problem that I had to face was whether these flaws in the authors' knowledge and reasoning, really affected the credibility of their suggestions for remediation. I think they do. First, the authors' belief that most skills are explicity taught appears to have shaped the kind of interventions that they suggest. If they had experimental evidence that these interventions worked, I could ignore the flaw in the theory but since they don't, I'm left to evaluate it based on plausibility. Second, I was left little faith in the reasoning or observational abilities of anyone who could make errors that are this obvious.

I will say that the book is written in a very friendly and straightforward style and it offers many ideas for activities that parents could easily implement. If you buy it, I'd suggest that you treat it as you would a set of suggestions offered by another parent or family memeber, rather than assuming that there is any "science" to back it up.