Customer Reviews

Helping Children Survive Divorce

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I read this book as a child of divorce and it gave me incredible insights into what my parents went through in their divorce. It not only helped me understand all that happened when I was younger, but helped me understand a lot of what my parents went through.

If you are a parent who is getting or has gotten a divorce this book is vital to the well being of your child(ren). Unless you have come from a broken home you have no idea how impacting your divorce is on your children, even if you think they are coping well. I was the good child in my family, my parents always thought I was dealing with everything so well but inside I was dying and decaying away.

If you are an adult who's still going through the trauma of your parents divorce from when you were younger, then this book will help you as it helped me, to understand both your feelings and also what your parents went through.

I am a huge fan of Arch Hart, he thinks like me and writes in a way that I can understand. One of the best books I've read on men is his book "The Sexual Man" which is incredible in describing how we're made.

I finally found Arch's book "growing up divorced" which has been out of print and I look forward to reading that.

granted, not every syllable hit me-no book will do that. but i really wish i had this book-or that this was out-when i was a lot younger. having been through three divorces by the time i was 15 (my mom being the main person) i feel that it has royally affected me, to the point that in my adulthood i act some of these things out. every single topic here i've experienced-from depression to anxiety to self-esteem issues. my feelings were never considered as far as arguments being in front of me, my isolation in my room for days sometimes(i was a good boy because i was in my room always doing stuff, or outside playing-alone. yeah, sure, that's healthy), my sadness, and the topper: the attitude of 'never mind your feelings-what about mine?'-being used as the sanctuary from the storm. granted, it is better for kids to not see their parents in constant negativity and conflict, so in that sense okay. but most divorces are hostile and the child's feelings are never considered. and yes, we carry on what we see to our adulthood-we do have memories. i feel that the reason i choose the wrong person in relationships is that i choose what i'm used 2, and it's not the divorces themselves but the attitudes that i had to live with all my life-it's what you are used 2. i have plenty of memories i'd love to delete from the harddrive inside my skull. message to couples on the borderline of their relationship: check your egos at the door, consider how your behavior is affecting your kids and change it-now! -if necessary, and consider how your attitudes will affect your kids 4 the rest of their lives.

This book is proving to be qute beneficial in helping our son's interaction with his two 11 and 15-year old sons during his divorce proceedings.

Ann Milner's review (below) is just, well, strange. Dr. Hart does not blame absent fathers. Instead, his point is one of what he says is a critical factor in helping children through divorce: consistency. Whenever possible, maintaining relationships, friendships, etc, is a key in helping children through this traumatic time. Clearly, Ann missed the context.

This is a hugely helpful book. I read it as part of a required text in a Master's counseling class. As a child of divorce (years ago), I wish this book had been around for my parents. It was healing, even for me, years later.

Getting a divorce? Have children? This should be required reading.

Anyone who is trying to cope with the devastating effects that a divorce can have on a parent and children will be helped tremendously with this book. Not only will this book help you understand and your children through this most difficult time in your life, it will help the divorced parent understand ways of coping and realize that some of the hurts and troubles that you go through are very common to divorced parents and children. The author, Mr. Hart, provides a commonsense, down to earth caring style that comes across in his writings. I highly recommend this book!

Was very insightful, seemed a little outdated, to deal with my situation I leaned more toward the advise from "Divorce Poison" but this book does assist with laying the ground work for children in these situations.

I don't know where to start. My soon-to-be exhusband and I just threw the thing in the trash. This book takes a very old-fashioned stance against divorce - it is not acceptable and you only deserve credit if you are being abandoned by your spouse. You are sentencing your child to a "forever funeral" and virtually reserving them a place in society as a hardened criminal. oh brother.

I had to mark "one star" since the reviewing system wouldn't allow me to give "zero stars". I was very disappointed to see that someone supposedly very educated would assume that the "absent father was the culprit." (see pages 91-92) Did he ever consider that there are fathers who wants equal time with their child(ren) but are denied time because their former and soon to be former wives have convinced others that the fathers are undeserving of such time? Imagine a wife who creates a massive amount of debt while her husband works two jobs to pay the bills, she begins an extramarital relationship with a co-worker, she hides her commission money from her husband, she leaves her husband with all of the bills, she files for a divorce, she files for custody in order to limit a child's time with his father, and she files for child support in order to get child support money even though he is still paying all of the bills that she accumulated only because they are considered joint debts and he doesn't want to damage his credit. Who is really the "culprit"? I returned this book to Amazon.com, and I will never read another book by this author again!