Customer Reviews

Helping Clients Forgive: An Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope

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Thanks to "Helping Clients Forgive", the concept and process of "forgiveness" are not just for the confessional or the minister's office any more. I find much to recommend to clinicians- as well as pastoral caregivers and educators- about Enright and Fitzgibbons' book.

First, it is the fruit of many years of multidisciplinary reflection on an extensive review of both practical (clinical and pastoral) and theoretical sources. The conceptual understanding of forgiveness is based on an extensive review of both the social (e.g., psychology and sociology) and speculative (philosophy and theology) sciences.

Second, Helping Clients Forgive fits into and expands the broader and better known clinical approaches to the management and resolution of anger and to overcoming emotional trauma. The book describes how "forgiveness" may be an effective, and sometimes indispensable, means for dealing with anger when awareness, understanding, assertive expression, or sublimation of the anger have proven inadequate for resolving it.

Third, I found the book insightfully reviews research about anger as a cause or co-morbid difficulty of a wide range of DSM-IV disorders. Whether a clinician ever encourages a client- or a client attempts- to use forgiveness to try to resolve the anger associated with these conditions, I think that this knowledge about the prevalence of anger associated with so many problems presented by clients is invaluable.

Fourth, many clients have a religious world-view and tend to view forgiveness as a moral duty- and sometimes an anxious compulsion. I think that reading Helping Clients Forgive will enable clinicians (pastors, et al.) to respect their clients' values and worldview while explaining what emotional and other psychological factors make it difficult to forgive, and even more important, how to forgive. I think that the phases of forgiveness and the ways of forgiving during each phase will help guide a religious client's efforts to forgive and to relieve any inauthentic guilt about lingering resentment despite past efforts to forgive.

Fifth, the authors write with intellectual humility about a process that offers significant benefits, yet is commonly long, uncomfortable and sometimes paradoxical. Enright and Fitzgibbons write about when and how forgiveness is possible. They acknowledge that while an empathic understanding of and beneficence toward the "offender" may be the ultimate outcome, the forgiveness process may and often must begin with the self-interested need to overcome the personal costs of repressed or suppressed resentment.

For me, the discussions on helping clients understand what healthy or authentic anger is, and even more what forgiveness is not, are especially insightful. For example, victims of emotional trauma or long-term offenses can be reassured by learning that forgiveness does not mean unassertively tolerating another's irrational anger or attempting to reconcile or otherwise trust past offenders who remain insensitive and unmotivated to changing their offensive behavior. Forgiveness may lead to reconciliation with one's offender, but one may forgive and free oneself from the emotional consequences of the offense even if one's offender is unwilling or unable to seek or accept forgiveness.

And sixth, researchers and more empirical-minded clinicians will find invaluable a careful reading of the chapters which detail the results of Enright's two decades of empirical research on these phases. As does any competent report of current research, Enright and Fitzgibbons also propose an agenda for future research, including the study of how offenders are affected by being forgiven.

After reading Helping Clients Forgive, I found myself wishing that a companion book for non-professionals would be written. I was delighted to discover that Robert Enright has written a sequel for clients' called: Forgiveness is a Choice (APA Books, 2001). I understand better the forgiveness process described by Enright and Fitzgibbons in Helping after having read the didactic material- and having worked through some of the related self-reflection questions- present in Enright's more recent book. The additional material in Choice on how an offender appropriately may seek to be forgiven was particularly welcome.

Philip M. Sutton, Ph.D. South Bend, IN

I am deeply impressed by this work, which is well written and (so far as I can judge) methodologically sound. The authors avoid jargon and provide a straightforward statement of their theory as well as clear factual descriptions and treatment guidelines. They manifest command of an extensive psychological literature, are cautious in making claims for forgiveness therapy, and encourage further research in the hope that it will correct their findings if necessary and refine patient care.

I noticed nothing in the work touching on my own field (Christian ethics) that even seems questionable. And, of course, psychological evidence that forgiveness is conducive to mental health is perfectly harmonious with Christian moral teaching that calls for love of enemies and forgiveness.

The fact that this fine work was published, not by some commercial press, but by the American Pscyhological Association commends it to serious readers.

This book is valuable for many reasons. One in particular is that it does not confuse forgiveness and pardon. For some people (fewer now than 20 years ago, based on what people are saying in print) forgiveness was equated with: 1) judging the wrongdoer guilty; 2) reducing or eliminating their sentence (or foregoing collecting what is owed); and 3) restoring them to full legal standing in the community. This is *pardon,* not forgiveness. Philosophers and psychologists have now come to realize that pardon is not the same thing as forgiveness. One can pardon someone and be a judge----not even the one who was hurt. One can pardon someone and be quite neutral about that person, even harboring resentment as you reduce their deserved punishment or forego what is owed. (For example, one might forego what is owed because of harsh judgement that the wrongdoer is morally incapable of repayment.) Forgiveness, instead, is the costly process of struggling to love someone who has hurt you. It is neither cheap nor superficial. Once a person has achieved even a little of this love, then he or she is free to express that love as he or she wishes to the offender. Enright and Fitzgibbons are aware of this. That is why they do not prescribe precisely what a forgiver is to say or do toward a forgiven person. What the forgiver says or does will differ substantially in each encounter. Certainly, the authors expect the forgiver to reach out to the offender when this is appropriate. Forgiveness is not only an internal process. The authors are very clear that forgiveness includes thinking, feeling and *behaving.* They are also clear that forgiveness does have certain meaning and not others. They actually take great pains to review the ancient literature on the topic from Hebrew, Christian, Buddhist, and other sources. Further, they painstakingly review the modern scholarship in philosophy, showing the overlap in the meaning of forgiveness between the ancient and the modern views. Joanna North's philosophy, in particular, dovetails brilliantly with the ancient and the modern scholarship. That she was not widely known before Enright and Fitzgibbons began to cite her work is no argument at all against what she *says.* Enright and Fitzgibbons have done their homework and have presented an accurate picture. Clients and patients are the ones who gain from this careful scholarship.

This scholarly, yet inviting, book is a must for those suffering from anger (resulting from abusive relationships, excessive personal pride, and depression). The book includes insights from philosophy, medicine, psychology, and "practical" every-day experiences. Even though it seems the authors wrote the book for counselors and psychologists, I found the book helpful (as a layman) to recover from feelings of depression and fear.

Those suffering from excessive, overbearing and abusive relationships (either parents, spouses or friends) would find the book especially warm and engaging. The chapter on describing the ideas and benefits of "forgiveness therapy" are well-written. The chapters on detailing case studys on the application of "forgiveness therapy" are the most interesting. The authors detail forgiveness in eating disorders, forgiveness in depression, forgivenss in anxiety disorders, forgiveness in family relationships, etc.

Essentially this book provides a framework for recovery where others, such as Alice Miller, don't do. Ms. Miller would learn a lot from reading this book.

Overall, congratulations on a fine book. I commend the two authors wholeheartedly!

This excellent book will be welcomed by all who deal with anger, either personally or in loved ones. It is a book so well and so clearly written that anyone will profit from it -- layperson or professional. The book's genius lies not only in a profound understanding of the nature and consequences of anger, but in a practical and realistic way of resolving that anger. This is the best treatment of the topic that I have read in thirty years.

Aaron T. Beck, M.D., University Professor of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania, has stated in his review that, "anger and the wish to punish a family member or friend for past grievances often remain resistant to the most useful cognitive behavioral approaches. Enright and Fitzgibbons show how forgiveness can help to finalize past resentment and allow people to lay their past grievances to rest. This is essential reading for anyone working with patients as well as for those people who cannot relinquish past hurts."

Few authors have captured their subject matter as Drs. Enright and Fitzgibbons have. This is a masterful account of what forgiveness is and how people actually go about forgiving. The authors take great pains to show the traditional origins of forgiveness in the ancient writings of the Hebrews, Christians, and others. They extend their analysis with a careful exposition of contemporary philosophical thought. They leave no doubt about what forgiveness is and what it is not. This is extermely important because too many quickly written books on forgiveness these days distort the essential meaning of forgiveness. Not all books on forgiveness are accurate. The authors' model of how people actually forgive is derived directly from their deep knowledge of what forgiveness is. They present evidence for this model in two ways---through clinical case studies and scientific research. The clinical material is fascinating as there are copious case study examples presented to show clearly how forgiveness can work in ameliorating distressing psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression among many others. Even someone who is not a psychological professional will benefit from this material. Most impressive is the detailed account of their research. They present their years of research showing the effectiveness of forgiveness in helping people recover from deep interpersonal hurt. Theirs is no weak, "arm chair" approach to their subject matter. This book is a perfect companion to the self-help book for clients and the general public, Forgiveness Is a Choice. The latter book presents the material in a more gentle way. Helping Clients Forgive is more analytical and deep. Together, these two books make a giant contribution to the published literature on forgiveness.

I am a divorce attorney wishing that lawyers would take a greater role in guiding clients through relationship breakup with sensitivity, humility, and compassion. I bumped into this work as required reading in a graduate program at Loma Linda University. As a lawyer for almost 30 years, its truth and usefulness was immediately apparent. I write this review in the hope that other lawyers and divorce professionals who deal with areas of conflict involving interpersonal relationships, mediation, and collaborative processes might also bump into it and use some of its excellent information as a means of framing how we respond to clients in distress. Unlike some forms of spirituality, which often have an institutionalized point of view and so applies here and there, forgiveness therapy cuts across all ideologies and religiousities and so is of universal utility. There is something very large here, and it needs to be publicized. At the end of each of our days, forgiveness may be our only defense against a life's experience that is not always in accord with our wishes!

Thurman W. Arnold III

[...].

Excellent!!! It's complete and integrates theory and practice. Aún no he terminado de leerlo pero es muy completo y sobre todo práctico.

This is a sophisticated and subtle treatment of forgiveness, so subtle that some important points might be missed. Here are three points that might be misunderstood together with clarifications that may be helpful to those new to forgiveness therapy:

1) The entire treatise is a focus on psychotherapy. This means, of course, that the emphasis of the book is on the patient who is trying to forgive. Here is the possible misunderstanding: The authors focus too much on the one who forgives, distorting what forgiveness actually is by not dealing with the offender. This reasoning is incorrect in the present context precisely because the intent here is to help the one who comes to therapy. That forgiveness, shown through the authors' science, helps the one who forgives does not mean that the act of forgiveness itself ignores the offender. On the contrary, the authors' definition of forgiveness and the therapy itself emphasize reaching out to an offender (as appropriate for each unique situation).

2) Psychotherapy patients are helped emotionally when they forgive. This scientific finding, replicated many times, need not lead to this conclusion: In the book, the act of forgiveness itself is reduced to an emphasis on one's own happy mood. This reasoning confounds what forgiveness is and outcomes of forgiveness (healthy emotional regulation). Should we blame patients (or the authors) if those patients become emotionally healthier by forgiving?

3) Some might argue that forgiveness is not about anger reduction. This argument might take the following deductive form: The authors discuss forgiveness in the context of anger reduction in psychotherapy; anger reduction is not a part of forgiveness; therefore, the authors are misrepresenting what forgiveness is. Yet, this argument against the authors' reasoning does two things that need re-thinking: a) the reasoning, as in point 2 above, confounds what forgiveness is and an outcome of forgiveness in psychotherapy, namely the reduction in a patient's anger; b) the deduction to be valid must ignore the facts: The authors' reasoning is supported by copious scientific references showing that anger oftentimes underlies patients' psychological distress (for both males and females, even though both genders might express that anger somewhat differently at times). Forgiveness offers the patient a way out of the anger and out of the distressful symptoms that accompany anger.

This book is a thinking person's tome that should prove quite useful to those seeking help to forgive.