Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way [Unabridged] [Paperback]

M. Gary Neuman (Author), Patricia Romanowski (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 27, 1999

Divorce is painful and confusing. Perhaps now more than ever, you want to give your child all the love, support, and guidance he or she needs, but everything seems harder and more complicated. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way can help. Based on Gary Neuman's phenomenally successful Sandcastles program, which has helped more than fifty thousand children cope with divorce, this warm, empathetic guide shows you:


  How to build a co-parenting relationship--even when you think you can't

  When you or your child should see a therapist

   Age-appropriate scripts for addressing sensitive issues

  What to do when a parent moves away

  How to stop fighting with your ex-spouse

  How to navigate the emotional turmoil of custody and visitation

  How to help your child deal with change

  How to cope with kids' common fears about separation

  How to introduce significant others into the family and help your child cope with a new stepfamily

More than a hundred pieces of artwork from children of divorce will help you appreciate how kids perceive the experience. Dozens of special activities and fun exercises will help you communicate and get closer to your child. This guide shows you that divorce need not be an inevitable blot on children's lives, but an opportunity for them to grow and strengthen the bonds with their parents.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Kids tend to blame themselves when parents divorce. The Sandcastles workshop--now mandatory in over a dozen counties throughout the United States--is a half-day group session for children of divorce between the ages of 6 and 17. This intensive workshop helps kids open up and deal with their feelings through drawings, games, poetry, role playing, and other activities. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce details many of the workshop exercises, all designed to increase communication, understanding, and togetherness between parents and kids. The book is also packed full of suggestions on everything from the best way to break the divorce news to a child (it differs according to age group) to facing the holidays, visitation, custody arrangements, anger, discipline, co-parenting, single parenting, overcompensation, sorrow, custody fights, and much more.

Author Gary Neuman never patronizes or preaches, and although he is technically a child advocate, he proves himself to be an advocate of every member of the divorcing family. Neuman takes a hands-on approach and believes that children need not be permanently scarred by divorce--that with work and time, divorce can actually become a positive force for change. A powerful tool for protecting children caught amid parental struggles, Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce should be required reading in all divorcing families. --Ericka Lutz --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

More than 20,000 children have taken part in the SandcastlesTM program, a method through which children of divorcing parents learn to cope with the breakup by meeting with each other and trained counselors. This program, completed in one 3.5-hour session, is available in Miami, Minneapolis, Pittsburgh, and dozens of other cities. Neuman, a couselor, rabbi, and creator of the SandcastlesTM program, encourages children to speak, draw, and write to help them express their feelings and realize that they are not alone, weird, or at fault. Here he writes for parents who may not have access to the sessions and want to help their children through the experience of divorce. This is a thorough guide, using the art, letters, prose, and expressions from children in SandcastlesTM programs across the country. Sidebars, quotations, "dos and don'ts," and surveys make it easy to read. Highly recommended for all parenting shelves.?Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, PA
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 480 pages
• Publisher: Random House; 1 edition (July 27, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0679778012
• ISBN-13: 978-0679778011
• Product Dimensions: 7.3 x 1.1 x 9.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,828 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #6 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Relationships > Divorce
  • #99 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

215 of 215 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The #1 Resource for Divorcing Parents, September 18, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way (Paperback)

This was the most comprehensive resource I found to help me understand what my children may be experiencing as a result of my divorce. It is full of both heart-wrenching and enlightening truths spoken by children of all ages. It's not a book for those who are in denial. It's for those parents who recognize that one of the major consequences of divorce is a life changing event for their children. If you want to know what you're children are really experiencing and want to help, this book is for you! Be warned, it will make you cry, feel pain for your children, and possibly resurrent feelings of guilt. But it will also give you insight and direct you in how to continue parenting effectively with love and guidance, with or without the cooperation of your ex-spouse.

In the state of Vermont, it is required by the Family Court law that divorcing parents attend a 6-hour long workshop on "co-parenting" and the effects of negative parent behavior on children. What a joke! I wish instead that the state of Vermont mandated that every divorcing parent read this resource. I learned so much more from Gary Neuman and the children and families he has worked with.

This thorough book covers every topic imaginable that is associated with divorce and family transition. The focus is from the child's perspective on matters such as validating your childrens feelings, protecting your children from conflict, separating adult issues from children's issues, custody and visitation, uncooperative parents and parent-bashing, child support and financial stress, relocating, dating, and most importantly, how children "feel" about all the ups and downs associated with this life changing event.

I highly recommend this book for every parent who is experiencing a family separation. I still pull it out periodically before I crawl into bed. It's a great "reality check" and helps keep things in perspective, still, two years after our family experienced this transition.

78 of 78 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful, sensitive advice for fathers and mothers, March 26, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way (Paperback)

I have read a number of books for divorcing parents, and this is by far the best. The range of information given is enormous (460 pages!) and covers almost any situation you can imagine. This is the ONLY book I have seen that discusses how to help infants cope with divorce. Neuman's discussion of the needs of children has given me the motivation to avoid fighting with my ex, even when he makes extremely aggravating remarks. His suggestions have also helped me keep my son's father involved; in fact, he spends much more time with our son than he ever did when we were married. The example dialogues are very helpful, and reflect the diversity of real families. Neuman is careful to avoid stereotypes, for example he gives anecdotes about deadbeat moms as well as deadbeat dads.

51 of 52 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Helping Children Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way, December 29, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way (Paperback)

I am a professional Christian Counselor. I work primarily with children and their parents. I use recommend this book for all divorced parents who wish to make things work between dad's house and mom's house. It also gives practical, easy helps for parents who do not know how to respond to their children's anger, questions and pain. I have found it very helpful and many of the families I work with have also.