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Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way Paperback – July 27, 1999


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 480 pages
  • Publisher: Random House; 1 edition (July 27, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0679778012
  • ISBN-13: 978-0679778011
  • Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 7.4 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (63 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #23,628 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Kids tend to blame themselves when parents divorce. The Sandcastles workshop--now mandatory in over a dozen counties throughout the United States--is a half-day group session for children of divorce between the ages of 6 and 17. This intensive workshop helps kids open up and deal with their feelings through drawings, games, poetry, role playing, and other activities. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce details many of the workshop exercises, all designed to increase communication, understanding, and togetherness between parents and kids. The book is also packed full of suggestions on everything from the best way to break the divorce news to a child (it differs according to age group) to facing the holidays, visitation, custody arrangements, anger, discipline, co-parenting, single parenting, overcompensation, sorrow, custody fights, and much more.

Author Gary Neuman never patronizes or preaches, and although he is technically a child advocate, he proves himself to be an advocate of every member of the divorcing family. Neuman takes a hands-on approach and believes that children need not be permanently scarred by divorce--that with work and time, divorce can actually become a positive force for change. A powerful tool for protecting children caught amid parental struggles, Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce should be required reading in all divorcing families. --Ericka Lutz --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

More than 20,000 children have taken part in the SandcastlesTM program, a method through which children of divorcing parents learn to cope with the breakup by meeting with each other and trained counselors. This program, completed in one 3.5-hour session, is available in Miami, Minneapolis, Pittsburgh, and dozens of other cities. Neuman, a couselor, rabbi, and creator of the SandcastlesTM program, encourages children to speak, draw, and write to help them express their feelings and realize that they are not alone, weird, or at fault. Here he writes for parents who may not have access to the sessions and want to help their children through the experience of divorce. This is a thorough guide, using the art, letters, prose, and expressions from children in SandcastlesTM programs across the country. Sidebars, quotations, "dos and don'ts," and surveys make it easy to read. Highly recommended for all parenting shelves.?Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, PA
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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This book is great and gives you the help you need when you need it.
Michelle
This book can help the millions of parents who need some insight into what the reactions of children are when their parents divorce.
drfulton@pacbell.com
This book is like a firm, loving friend who had been there and is letting you know things will get better.
Cassandra Martinez

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

240 of 240 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on September 18, 2000
Format: Paperback
This was the most comprehensive resource I found to help me understand what my children may be experiencing as a result of my divorce. It is full of both heart-wrenching and enlightening truths spoken by children of all ages. It's not a book for those who are in denial. It's for those parents who recognize that one of the major consequences of divorce is a life changing event for their children. If you want to know what you're children are really experiencing and want to help, this book is for you! Be warned, it will make you cry, feel pain for your children, and possibly resurrent feelings of guilt. But it will also give you insight and direct you in how to continue parenting effectively with love and guidance, with or without the cooperation of your ex-spouse.
In the state of Vermont, it is required by the Family Court law that divorcing parents attend a 6-hour long workshop on "co-parenting" and the effects of negative parent behavior on children. What a joke! I wish instead that the state of Vermont mandated that every divorcing parent read this resource. I learned so much more from Gary Neuman and the children and families he has worked with.
This thorough book covers every topic imaginable that is associated with divorce and family transition. The focus is from the child's perspective on matters such as validating your childrens feelings, protecting your children from conflict, separating adult issues from children's issues, custody and visitation, uncooperative parents and parent-bashing, child support and financial stress, relocating, dating, and most importantly, how children "feel" about all the ups and downs associated with this life changing event.
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83 of 83 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 26, 2000
Format: Paperback
I have read a number of books for divorcing parents, and this is by far the best. The range of information given is enormous (460 pages!) and covers almost any situation you can imagine. This is the ONLY book I have seen that discusses how to help infants cope with divorce. Neuman's discussion of the needs of children has given me the motivation to avoid fighting with my ex, even when he makes extremely aggravating remarks. His suggestions have also helped me keep my son's father involved; in fact, he spends much more time with our son than he ever did when we were married. The example dialogues are very helpful, and reflect the diversity of real families. Neuman is careful to avoid stereotypes, for example he gives anecdotes about deadbeat moms as well as deadbeat dads.
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58 of 59 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on December 29, 2001
Format: Paperback
I am a professional Christian Counselor. I work primarily with children and their parents. I use recommend this book for all divorced parents who wish to make things work between dad's house and mom's house. It also gives practical, easy helps for parents who do not know how to respond to their children's anger, questions and pain. I have found it very helpful and many of the families I work with have also.
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35 of 35 people found the following review helpful By drfulton@pacbell.com on November 13, 1998
Format: Hardcover
As a child therapist I found this book to be very helpful. I recommend it to all my parents who are divorcing. It is in plain, straightforward language. This book can help the millions of parents who need some insight into what the reactions of children are when their parents divorce. The book discusses developmental, co-parenting, and a plethora of related issues. His style is compassionate, lighthearted, and genuine. A must read for parents who are divorcing and professionals who work with these parents.
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29 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Clinical Psychologist on September 3, 2005
Format: Paperback
As a mental health professional I am always a little skeptical about this kind of book - when people write based on their experience they sometimes forgo the need to check whether their experience is consistent with that of other people in other places by reviewing the research literature before writing their books. I was pleasantly surprised to find this book full of evidence based suggestions and information for separating/separated parents. It is an easy read, with information clearly presented so non-professionals will find it very helpful; and for those who have a scientific background and who are familiar with the psychological research in this field it will be clear that the book is based upon solid information. A very useful resource.
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51 of 55 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 30, 1999
Format: Paperback
I STRONGLY RECOMMEND READING THIS BOOK. AFTER HEARING GARY NEUMAN SPEAK AT A BOOK SIGNING, I PURCHASED THIS BOOK. THIS BOOK HAS GUIDED ME THROUGH THE PROCESS OF DIVORCE, TO MAKE SURE THAT MY CHILD CAME THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME WIHTHOUT TOO MUCH PAIN. I HAVE REFERRED TO THIS BOOK PRIOR TO MY DIVORCE AND TO THE PRESENT, 4 MONTHS AFTER. GARY NEUMAN, WRITES IN A WONDERFUL, EASY TO UNDERSTAND MANNER FOR ALMOST EVERY SITUATION THAT WILL ARISE. BUY THIS BOOK, AND READ IT, SO YOUR KIDS AND YOU CAN HANDLE THIS DIVORCE THE SANDCASTLES WAY. IF GARY NEUMAN IS SPEAKING SOMEWHERE, GO HEAR HIM SPEAK. YOU WILL BE HAPPY YOU DID!!
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22 of 23 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 9, 1998
Format: Hardcover
M. Gary Neuman is a truely gifted author. His insights and information found in the Sandcastles book helped my family through an extremely difficult time in our lives. The understanding that my ex-wife and I walked away with helped us set the pace and tone for a more healthy future for my family. Although we won't be a couple anymore, Gary helped me see that we will be a family on many levels. It was a gift in a time when life seems vcry difficult for all of us. I can't thank him enough and I even have bought copies for my parents, ex-inlaws and my siblings. It has certainly become one of the most important books I have ever read. I would love to hear him speak if he is ever in California. Please inform me. Thank you to M. Gary Neuman for his reserach and depth of understanding the ever changing families in our country. A book LONG OVERDUE!!!!!!
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