Customer Reviews

Her Final Year: A Care-Giving Memoir

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Her Final Year is a powerfully written book that is a must read for anyone dealing with a relative who has dementia. Alzheimer's and other types of dementia gradually rob a person of his/her independence and personality. While many of the available on-line sources deal with the clinical progression of dementia including loss of mobility, incontinence, loss of speech, there is very little information about the cognitive changes that accompany this disease. Dementia patients suffer hallucinations, talk to dead relatives, and perceive the world in very different ways. This book addresses these issues.

The authors also deal with the toll--both emotional and physical--that caregiving takes on the caregivers. It takes a long time to die from dementia, and the process is marked by a series of declines and plateaus. I am entering the final stage of this process with my own mom who is 92, and I found this book to be very useful and moving. I read it in a single sitting. Highly recommended.

I've been the sole caregiver for my wife who has been in that awful journey through Alzheimer's for at least the last twelve years. The word "caregiver" means a great deal to me. I do it 24 hours a day all of the time, except for a few hours off each week. So often when I read books about the experiences of Alzheimer's "caregivers" I end up angry the way the word is used by those that use the word but don't often really do the difficult hands on work that caregiving is. Usually they do it by phone and hire the actual caregivers.

"Her Final Year" is not that way. I kept shaking my head in agreement as I read the book, knowing that the two authors and their wives had walked in my shoes and understood my feelings and frustrations. I especially liked the last section on recovery and renewal after their mothers in law had passed away, as I will shortly be in that phase myself.

This is an open and honest book about the realities of caring for someone with Alzheimer's or dementia. Expecially for those just embarking on this experience, the book is a great reality check for what probably lies ahead.

As Pam Crabtree has noted in her review, this book should be a great addition to those dealing directly with someone with dementia.

I think this book can also be of value to those who are not directly dealing with a family member with dementia. I read some of the e-mails in real time (I'm a friend of one of the families). I do not have any family currently dealing with dementia, but in the years since this book began to be assembled I now have several friends with family members afflicted with some form of dementia, as well as family and friends that need help and attention on a daily basis. Reading through the book I was surprised to find how many of the experiences there touched directly on some of my developing tangential contacts with care giving. Dealing with hospice, getting patients to the doctor, dealing with bureaucracy and the like are not unique to dementia, even if those stresses and others can be so much worse in the long term care that dementia generally requires. The book has also opened a window on to some of the stresses and experiences of those friends I have, that, due to their dealing directly with a person suffering dementia, do not have as much current social contact outside their family as earlier.

Although not "literature" the book is well written/presented and read with an intensity that became physically palpable for me.

I highly recommend this for anyone with aging friends and relatives as well as those dealing more directly with the immediate issues of care giving. Even if you are blessed enough never to have to go through what the authors did I think you will find reading the book worthwhile for the insights into what so many others are going through.

Ten years ago, I became the sole caregiver to my husband, who had stroke-induced dementia. Next month, he will have been gone two years. How I wish Her Final Year had been available when we started that journey. The four people, who cared so lovingly for their mothers, tell the real story of caregiving. That it's not all sunny smiles and sweet memories. But it's also not all furious tantrums and changing soiled linens either. They tell their stories, warts and all. The good and the bad.

This is a book everyone needs to read, because sooner or later EVERYONE will either be a caregiver, or require one.

Book Review:
Her Final Year: A Care-Giving Memoir and His First Year, A Journey of Recovery

Authors James Downey and John Bourke along with their wives, Martha John and Kathi Bourke have compiled a unique and very passionate account of their experiences as caregivers to Alzheimer's patients. (Martha and Kathi's mothers respectively) The majority of the writing is from the men's perspective resulting in a distinctive point of view. Society typically assumes that the wives/ daughters take on this role, but for these two families, the husbands became major care providers and share their experiences through a collection of journal entries and email communications over the course of several years.

Whether the condition be Alzheimer's or some other chronic or terminal illness, many characteristics are universal, which makes this collaborative memoir very useful and relatable for anyone going through a similar experience with a loved one. Their accounts are emotional, very honest, and at times humorous, (Yes, you do need to find some bright spots every day with your "patients"!) Their advice for dealing with bureaucracy and practical coping strategies is solid and useful.

Much of the book is divided into twelve months to equate to twelve stages of care and life with a family member suffering from Alzheimer's /Dementia. The final section, His First Year, addresses the aftermath and how these gentlemen and their families redefined their lives after their patients passed and the role of caregiver came to an end. Readers will not find a more real, heartfelt and honest account out there aside from your own personal experience. For folks who have already walked this path, (and could possibly walk it again), this is a must-read book.

It is assuring and comforting to know that as long term care providers to a close family member, our personal feelings and ideals are "normal" and okay. It is in many ways, a personal and solitary journey, but this memoir lets the reader know they are never completely alone.

Paige Adams Strickland

The book has down to earth writing that is written with normal people in mind. In other words it doesn't get bogged down with technical jargon that care givers don't really need to stress about. It does give you insight into what you do need to know. Like how to try handling different aspects of the disease.

I read this more as a review for myself. My father had dementia and I watched my mother care for him, but that was 10 years ago. Now my mother in law has dementia so I figured I'd better brush up on the subject again for the times yet ahead.

I was worried that it might bring back bad memories but I found just the opposite happening.

I highly recommend this book for anyone dealing with dementia, no matter if it's your first time dealing with it or if it's just to refresh your memory of what you will be dealing with.

I read this book because Alzheimers is common in my family and I got many ideas of how I want my caregivers to respond if I get Alzheimers. I will document my wishes so they will know how I felt before I became affected.

I just said goodbye to my mother three weeks ago following several years of increasingly frail health and dementia. This book was very timely and cathartic for me. I assisted in the care of my mother, although not on a daily basis because I live a distance away, but spent extended periods of time caring for her. The stories that John and Jim weave are poignant, raw, and extremely helpful to those of us who have gone through similar experiences. Having also cared for my father in his last days of life, I could relate to some of the feelings they described following the death of Martha Sr. and Georgia. I also have experienced some of the related family issues and financial issues that they faced. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thank you for doing such a beautiful job of caring for your mothers-in-law. This book is a great read for those who are currently caring for a loved one or for someone who has cared for a loved one.

Excellent account for anyone facing the time with a parent going through Alzheimer's. I bought it to read myself and got another copy for my mother who is dealing with my dad now. It really was an excellent resource.

A must-read for anyone dealing with a family member suffering from Alzheimer's/dementia. Easy read, no holds barred memoir. Saw so much of my own mother, now in moderate-severe stage. Much good info and ideas. Suddenly I don't feel so alone. Thank you John, Jim, Kathi, & Martha for sharing your experiences so honestly.