Customer Reviews

Her Hand in Marriage: Biblical Courtship in the Modern World

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This book provides helpful insight into a godly way of courtship in the modern world. At a mere 95 pages, it is a relatively thin book but the size is deceiving. Doug Wilson is an eloquent and persuasive writer who wastes no words and shares godly advices on: preparing for courtship, qualities to consider in a mate, things to consider that would affect the relationship in marriage, criteria and principles of courtship, the parents' authority, etc.

The appendix titled "The Garden" (a story of a girl "tending her own garden") is brilliantly written! It is an allegory that powerfully illustrates the significance or virtue of purity, and compellingly encourages readers to keep themselves pure prior to marriage.

Some may believe not everything in this book is practical (especially if the parents are non-Christians or perhaps refuse to participate). While that may be true, I think the main thrust and focus of this book should really be more on principles rather than following a one-size-fits-all method of application, and as such there's much that can be gleaned from the book.

[Please note this review reflects my opinions only toward this book, and not necessarily my agreement with the author's controversial views on theological issues like "baptismal regeneration," "federal vision," etc.]

This book should be read by every Christian parent, young man, and young woman. It sets forth the Biblical basis for courtship in a very readable, clear, concise manner. Wilson lays down the basic principles behind Biblical courtship--a godly young man building a relationship with the father of the godly young woman he wants to marry. If the young man is suitable to the father and the young woman, the father gives him permission to court her under the oversight of her parents with the full intention and express purpose of marrying her. Wilson does not present courtship as a magic formula for marital bliss or a legalistic ritual that automatically guarantees success. He clearly emphasizes the fact that the principles are more important than the methods, and that appropriate methods (which do not have to be uniform for every couple) will follow if the principles are taken seriously. The model Wilson sets forth is a manner of getting a wife which is actually Biblical, respectable, courteous, and honoring to parents rather than the more common (though also more recent) idea of dating. It takes into full account the Biblical teaching that a particular woman is to be under the authority of a particular man (first her father, then her husband). Gender roles are further emphasized in the fact that sons are raised up to leave home, and daughters are raised up to be given away in marriage--to depend upon, and be a helpmeet to, a godly man. Having been in a courtship for four months now, I recommend Wilson's book without reservation

This book is my favorite on the topic of courtship. At first I was displeased with Mr. Wilson's writing style, but as I progressed through the book, the clarity and eloquence of his writing really hit home. The sheer beauty of this book is quite a wonderful tribute to the glories of courtship, and is worth reading merely for the delightful phraselogy.

But the greatest thing about this book is, of course, the content. Doug understands that the whole dating vs. courtship debate has largely been kept to the mere level of terms, instead of hashing out the underlying principles. So in <i>Her Hand in Marriage</i>, he first outlines the Bible's teaching on a proper path to marriage, and then he tentatively labels this system Biblical courtship. He recognizes that what is traditionally labeled dating has many success stories, and likewise, what is traditionally labeled courtship has many horror stories. This is why he wants to keep the debate to the fundamentals, and then wisdom can be shown no matter what you call the system.

One of the key Biblical principles Doug lays out in his book is the authority of the father in the courtship process. The father, he shows through a thorough study of Old Testament passages, is responsible to protect his daughter by acting as a sieve of sorts that young men must go through before courting his daughter. Fools who might otherwise pressure his daughter to go out with them are stopped cold before they even get a chance to mess around with her. And once a proper fellow is allowed to court his daughter, the father can offer a sense of accountability so that couples in their passion might not do something they would later regret.

After a chapter on this point, Doug then covers the different roles of boys and girls in courtship, with the boys initiating everything and the girls responding to the initiation. He shows that a great thing about courtship is that young couples are more accountable to keep their eyes on the intended culmination of marriage, rather than merely enjoying the journey. And he covers miscellaneous details such as what criteria to use when selecting a spouse, what the governmental implications of marriage are, and how weddings should be conducted.

While the book may not be directly practical to moderners, the principles discussed make the book a worthwhile purchase. Once you get the fundamental ideas ingrained within you, God will give you wisdom to apply them to whatever situation you are in.

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The casualites of recreational dating have mounted in our generation; and this book reminds fathers: It is OUR responsibility to lovingly protect our daughters. Their purity rests with us. I urge every Dad who loves their little pumpkin the way I love mine to get this book...Learn the Biblical mandate well, when she is young. She'll love you, and thank you for it during the teenage years;and especially in marriage.Peter Hyatt, Copiague, New York

Ok, so what in the world does my title mean? Seems contradictory, doesn't it? This book was really cool for me to read. I know a little about courtship but not a lot. My parents did not raise me in a biblical household so a lot of the principles I had never heard before. Wilson's teachings seem very biblically sound and his logic is good too. I really did enjoy the book. My only complaint is that he assumes from the start that the people involved in the courtship are kids who still go to the same church together and have easy access to each other's parents. For a dude who is in college and meeting a girl, the situation can be quite different. It is not so easy to be spending quality chill time with her parents. And what happens if her parents are not very solid Christians themselves and do not appreciate the lengths that a young man might go to to court their daughter? Those two presumptions are the only drawbacks to this book and what makes Wilson's style somewhat impractical for some.

But I will tell you something...his teaching throughout the book is really great for the soul to read. My purpose in reading the book (and probably Wilson's in writing it) was to better understand God's design for dating/courtship and marriage. I feel that I (and he) achieved that. It is a great book that will definitely cause you to think. Any book that can stir me to consider the Lord and ask Him for more direction in my life is a book that I consider worth reading. Even though I may not be able to use everything in his book verbatim, he says that his book is not intended for that.

Knowing what I know now about this book, I would buy it again. Even if I wasn't interested in knowing more about the subject matter, his teaching leads to a better understanding of Scripture. I'm glad I took the time to read it. Peace to you...andy

Doug Wilson likes to take his readers where they have never gone before. He greatest gift to today's church might very well be his willingness to ask the questions that most need to be asked. While some may disagree with his positions, there is always food for thought. In the case of this book, there is a high need for some fresh thinking. All too often today's church-going parents allow there children to pick their dates and future mates in grossly unbiblical ways. The modern American dating system is about a far away from building Biblical relationships as can be. Wilson offers an alternative that may or may not be the final answer but is certainly miles ahead of what is the common practice. But this book ought to be read by parents of the very young. There is some planning and building to do and its best not to start in a vaccum. What is best about the book is the emphasis it puts on partents - fathers - to be involved in the lives of their kids as the covenantal head God has called him to be. This is not an easy fix-it book or one that will give you ten easy steps to date like a pagan while remaining a Christian. You may have to change much of what you are doing. Worth the reading and thinking.

This is one of the two best books on courtship and the path to marriage from a Christian perspective that I have seen (the other being Dr. Ron Raunikar's Choosing God's Best). Parents will love and appreciate the entire trilogy. I would recommend it to everyone. -EJB, moderator, Courtshipconnection.com.

I have never read a book before that so clearly showed the need for the clear transfer of authority for the protection of a young Christian woman. The author makes it clear that while dating may work at times, the system does nothing to protect young women. I wish I had known about this book well before my daughters started dating.

I thought that the book was an excellent source to help answer some of the questions that I had about courtship. It was also a useful guide for those parents who wished to raise their children in a manner that follows the courtship principles. Although the cover looks ancient the information is modern and not difficult to read. I would reccommend this book to anyone who wants more information about what courtship means and how to apply it to their life.

I was throughly impressed with this book. It was short, easy to read, and straight to the point. Biblical courtship brings back the respect men and women deserve in their mutual interactions. Biblical courtship also shows dating for what it is - a game. I appreciate his emphasis on the importance of the father in the family. The father has an awesome job as husband, protector of his daughter, and example for his son. When the father falters, the family falls apart. The father is the unsung hero who deserves much respect. Thank you, Mr. Wilson, for writing this book.