In Her Own Sweet Time: One Woman's Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment, and Motherhood [Hardcover]

Rachel Lehmann-Haupt (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 29, 2008

At 31, Rachel Lehmann-Haupt thought she had everything: the perfect boyfriend, an exciting career, and the promise of marriage and children in her future. But one year later, the relationship ended and she found herself starting over, consumed by a rapidly approaching deadline: age 35, the dividing line between a regular and a “high risk” pregnancy.

Faced with the pressure of finding true love on the edge of her fertility, Lehmann-Haupt traveled around the world and into the heart of America to explore the many new choices available to women in the twenty-first century –egg freezing, single motherhood, and instant families - as well as grapple with her own ambitions, anxieties, and personal values. A witty, poignant, and profoundly honest account of one woman’s efforts to reconcile modern love with modern life, In Her Own Sweet Time will resonate with a huge generation of young women who want it all – a career, a family, the perfect partner – but haven’t figured out yet how to fit it all together.
 

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Lehmann-Haupt, executive editor of Plum magazine and daughter of author and New York Times writer Christopher, entered her 30s feeling optimistic and in control. The accomplished journalist and world traveler had a great boyfriend, too—and fully expected to achieve her next goal: motherhood. When the relationship didn't work out, the author began to wonder if the love-marriage-baby sequence might not happen for her. Like countless 30-something American women, she didn't worry about her fertility during her 20s and 30s, thanks to advances in feminism and medical technology that have given women more options—and the feeling that the so-called biological clock moves more slowly now. Lehmann-Haupt does an excellent job chronicling the societal and medical trends that have influenced modern motherhood. She also describes her pursuit of a romance that will lead to marriage and family, and the choices she makes in an effort to give herself more options. A mix of science, statistics, interviews and personal narrative form this valuable guidebook. It also serves as a compelling reality check as she lists various statistics: women over 35 suffer higher rates of miscarriage; 50,000 children are born to single mothers each year; a third of these mothers choose to become pregnant on their own. In this informative and frank book, Lehmann-Haupt makes a compelling case for education and preparation: We have more options than ever; understanding them can empower us and, perhaps most importantly, turn panic into peace. (June)
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Review

Rebecca Walker, author of Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood after a Lifetime of Ambivalence
“In Her Own Sweet Time is a fun, touching, and fascinating trip through the brave new world of technologically enhanced maternity. Lehmann-Haupt hits the zeitgeist and walks women through a new set of choices—all designed to provide more options, happiness, and, ultimately, freedom. A great book for moms, moms-to-be, and women who don't want to stop living life to the fullest while they figure it all out.”

Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia
“This book offers extraordinary fresh and well-synthesized information that will be useful to doctors, therapists, women and couples who are striving to understand the complex worlds of fertility and relationships. Its author is thoughtful, honest, compassionate and funny. She reminded me of my daughter and her friends, all those Ophelias who are now in their thirties and struggling with the stormy seas of motherhood, commitment and work.”

Naomi Wolf, author of Give Me Liberty
“With In Her Own Sweet Time Rachel Lehmann-Haupt achieves something quite difficult: she confronts the issue of coming up against the biological clock and explores the field of fertility technology in a way that is readable, relatable, and engaging.”

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Basic Books (December 29, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0465009190
• ISBN-13: 978-0465009190
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,263,616 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars "How old is too old?", June 13, 2009

By 

E. Bukowsky "booklover10" (NY United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: In Her Own Sweet Time: One Woman's Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment, and Motherhood (Hardcover)

Rachel Lehmann-Haupt's "In Her Own Sweet Time" is an engrossing and poignant account of the problems facing affluent single women over thirty who have yet to find "Mr. Right." One of their worries is the possibility that they may never experience the joy of having a child. Lehmann-Haupt, who had spent her twenties seeing the world, becoming a writer, and casually dating, ruefully admits, "Suddenly I felt bad about all my career ambition and the emotional and financial independence that I had achieved." Had she been too cavalier in ignoring the ticking of her biological clock? Rachel interviews other women in similar circumstances as well as medical professionals who are on the cutting edge of reproductive technology. What are the choices facing older women who would like a baby but do not have a mate? How has extending a woman's reproductive years become a multi-million dollar business? Some of the answers are surprising and a bit unnerving for those who believe in the traditional nuclear family.

In some ways, biology is destiny. "As a woman ages, her egg quality declines and pregnancy becomes both riskier and harder to achieve." As young women increasingly enter lucrative professions for economic, emotional, and intellectual reasons, many "have therefore put earning power before procreative power." Increasingly, women want to start a family in their late thirties or even in their forties, with or without a husband. As Lehmann-Haupt struggles with similar issues, she opens a window on a controversial subject that is also an ethical minefield.

"In Her Own Sweet Time" is a compulsively readable and fiercely honest account of the author's emotional ups and downs. Women will gnash their teeth when Rachel tells us about men she loved and who claimed they loved her in return, but for some inexplicable reason, could not commit to marriage and a family. On the other hand, she may have broken up with potential life partners because they didn't measure up to her ideal of perfection and/or she was so intent on pursuing her personal goals. As she looks at the big picture, Lehmann-Haupt raises some thorny issues: Should every woman aspire to be a mother? How much money should a woman spend and how much stress should she put herself through to undergo fertility treatments that may not work? Is it morally right for a woman to become pregnant using donor sperm, knowing that she is depriving her future child of a father with whom he can bond? Should a woman freeze her eggs while they are still viable for use at some future time? There are no easy answers; sometimes, it seems, too much choice can be just as confusing and paralyzing as too little choice. It is ironic that our brave new world of liberated women, Internet dating, and reproductive breakthroughs has not necessarily made people's lives any easier or more satisfying.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Touching Story, August 14, 2010

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DualK - See all my reviews

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This review is from: In Her Own Sweet Time: One Woman's Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment, and Motherhood (Hardcover)

This was an insightful book filled with a lot of good facts. The author did a lot of research that came through in her story. A good read for anyone interested in learning more about becoming a single mom, sperm banks, or in vitro fertilization.

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Are we the same person?, August 8, 2009

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Avid Reader "austinreaderchick" (Austin, TX United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: In Her Own Sweet Time: One Woman's Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment, and Motherhood (Hardcover)

Many times over the course of reading this book I had the feeling, "Are you me?" I'm the same age as the author, and I could relate to so much of the book, from the disappointing online dating experiences, to the consideration of single motherhood, etc. I even recently ended an eerily similar relationship with my own Jacob. I devoured the book in two days; it was the equivalent of having an intense phone conversation with an old friend. I'm grateful that there are writers like Lehmann-Haupt who are willing to write about their private lives in an attempt to illuminate these kinds of issues.