Customer Reviews

In Her Own Sweet Time: One Woman's Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment, and Motherhood

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Rachel Lehmann-Haupt's "In Her Own Sweet Time" is an engrossing and poignant account of the problems facing affluent single women over thirty who have yet to find "Mr. Right." One of their worries is the possibility that they may never experience the joy of having a child. Lehmann-Haupt, who had spent her twenties seeing the world, becoming a writer, and casually dating, ruefully admits, "Suddenly I felt bad about all my career ambition and the emotional and financial independence that I had achieved." Had she been too cavalier in ignoring the ticking of her biological clock? Rachel interviews other women in similar circumstances as well as medical professionals who are on the cutting edge of reproductive technology. What are the choices facing older women who would like a baby but do not have a mate? How has extending a woman's reproductive years become a multi-million dollar business? Some of the answers are surprising and a bit unnerving for those who believe in the traditional nuclear family.

In some ways, biology is destiny. "As a woman ages, her egg quality declines and pregnancy becomes both riskier and harder to achieve." As young women increasingly enter lucrative professions for economic, emotional, and intellectual reasons, many "have therefore put earning power before procreative power." Increasingly, women want to start a family in their late thirties or even in their forties, with or without a husband. As Lehmann-Haupt struggles with similar issues, she opens a window on a controversial subject that is also an ethical minefield.

"In Her Own Sweet Time" is a compulsively readable and fiercely honest account of the author's emotional ups and downs. Women will gnash their teeth when Rachel tells us about men she loved and who claimed they loved her in return, but for some inexplicable reason, could not commit to marriage and a family. On the other hand, she may have broken up with potential life partners because they didn't measure up to her ideal of perfection and/or she was so intent on pursuing her personal goals. As she looks at the big picture, Lehmann-Haupt raises some thorny issues: Should every woman aspire to be a mother? How much money should a woman spend and how much stress should she put herself through to undergo fertility treatments that may not work? Is it morally right for a woman to become pregnant using donor sperm, knowing that she is depriving her future child of a father with whom he can bond? Should a woman freeze her eggs while they are still viable for use at some future time? There are no easy answers; sometimes, it seems, too much choice can be just as confusing and paralyzing as too little choice. It is ironic that our brave new world of liberated women, Internet dating, and reproductive breakthroughs has not necessarily made people's lives any easier or more satisfying.

This was an insightful book filled with a lot of good facts. The author did a lot of research that came through in her story. A good read for anyone interested in learning more about becoming a single mom, sperm banks, or in vitro fertilization.

Many times over the course of reading this book I had the feeling, "Are you me?" I'm the same age as the author, and I could relate to so much of the book, from the disappointing online dating experiences, to the consideration of single motherhood, etc. I even recently ended an eerily similar relationship with my own Jacob. I devoured the book in two days; it was the equivalent of having an intense phone conversation with an old friend. I'm grateful that there are writers like Lehmann-Haupt who are willing to write about their private lives in an attempt to illuminate these kinds of issues.

This book came to me through a series of weird coincidences and I can't help but be a little mad at basic books marketing team for not getting this book into my hands sooner. I am the target audience. I'm currently experiencing my "Jacob" and reading this book has given me the confidence to really think about where my urge to become a mom is causing me to stay in a relationship that might not be good for me. I'm still not sure that I'd want to go it alone (actually, I'm pretty sure I won't) but book this gave me faith. A much abused word, but still...It's been a long time since I could really say that a book actually and immediately changed my life. This one did. Here's to stillness and pura vida and que sera sera.