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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys [Kindle Edition]

Greg Behrendt , Liz Tuccillo
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1,182 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $15.00
Kindle Price: $7.99
You Save: $7.01 (47%)
Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc


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Book Description

He’s Just Not That Into You—based on a popular episode of Sex and the City—is tough love advice for otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn’t like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. It’s the best relationship advice you’ll ever receive.

For ages, women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.

He’s afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he’s intimidated by me.
He just got out of a relationship.

Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that—despite good intentions—you’re wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they’d like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.

The truth may be, He’s just not that into you.

Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, “You're not the one.” But their actions absolutely show how they feel.

Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo’s wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean, “I’m in love with you and want to be with you.”

He’s Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman’s night table. It knows you’re a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start “figuring him out,” consider the glorious thought that maybe, He’s just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

It’s a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he’s giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he’s confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City—and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses—provides a simple answer: he’s just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." If you’re not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q’s and a’s covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn’t that smitten with her.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From School Library Journal

Adult/High School–With a bright, breezy style, the authors highlight a list of actions that men take to demonstrate that they are "just not into you," using "Dear Greg" letters and replies, unscientific polls of men, lists reviewing the key points in each chapter, a comic glossary, and laugh-out-loud workbook assignments. Although this book is meant for the 20-plus career women who have been dating for a while, the empowering message that a woman deserves a man who truly loves her and not one that she must constantly make excuses for can't be learned too early.–Jane S. Drabkin, Chinn Park Regional Library, Woodbridge, VA
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Details

  • File Size: 2712 KB
  • Print Length: 188 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 068987474X
  • Publisher: Gallery Books; Reprint edition (October 7, 2004)
  • Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B001HC8516
  • Text-to-Speech: Not enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,911 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
865 of 945 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Overdue and universally applicable September 24, 2004
This book really isn't just for women, and it really isn't just about relationships. True, it focuses on empowering women to say "Hey, I'm worth more than this and I'm not going to settle" which is a wonderful thing to realize, but it really goes beyond relationships. We are conditioned to work hard (and, as an unfortunate side effect, suffer) for everything in life - jobs, material possessions, etc - and when love or money or other things we want don't come to us, it's easier emotionally to justify and/or make excuses as to why we're not getting what we feel we deserve when we want it. Whether it's the attention of a man (or woman) or a promotion at work, the power of this book is that it tells you in no uncertain terms that YOU are the only one who will suffer if you continue to cling to something that wasn't meant to be.

The authors have really stumbled on to something good here - what I took away from this book and will continue to remember is that life is too short to pine for things that aren't meant to happen. Who knows how many great things pass us by because we're too busy worrying about getting something or someone that just wasn't meant to be. Read it and weep, if you must, but then also be glad that - if you apply what you've learned and make it your mantra - it's the last time you will cry over a love or aspiration unrealized.
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526 of 602 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars This is so WRONG -- what about shy guys?!? December 15, 2005
Disclaimer - I've only looked at the first third of this book. What I did look at was ALL WRONG.

The author breezily explains to women that if a guy was interested in you, he would make a move. That's it. Every single time.

I'll let you in on a secret. Most guys are actually terrified of women... or more specifically, terrified of rejection. This is especially true if you have an ongoing relationship (whether a business relationship, same circle of friends, etc.) where he will have to "revisit" his rejection repeatedly.

For some men, asking a woman out is tantamount to a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL. It makes them THAT nervous, or even MORE nervous. At least with a proposal, the guy has some idea of what answer to expect.

I used to be like this. Women would literally pull me aside and tell me what a great guy I am. I didn't have confidence in my attractiveness, so I didn't realize they were actually telling me they LIKED me. A LOT. I really did think they were telling me they really dig me as a friend.

As a result -- I never did anything.


I don't have this problem anymore. But... I definitely do see this in a lot of guys. Perhaps the world the author lives in is full of confident guys. That's why I give this 2 stars instead of 1... I'm giving him a slight benefit of the doubt.

I'm not done yet though ... here's an added twist...

The more a guy likes you (I'm talking to the women reading this), in some cases he may actually be less likely to ask you out. He values you too much to risk messing things up.

So... this book is WRONG in the majority of cases, in my experience.
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366 of 419 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Don't bother November 19, 2004
Most of what the male author of this book states is common sense. E.g. "a cheating man is bad", "If he doesn't call you, ask you out, sleep with you, he isn't into you". However--I hold great contention in how absolute the author in his assessment of men. He presumes all men work the same, and that's just not true.

In the book he gives an example of a girl dating a man who's just come out of a divorce. He's told her that he's not ready to get into a serious relationship right now because he just got out of one--makes complete sense. The author's assessment? "He's just not that into you". Are you kidding me? He says that if a man likes you, he will do what it takes to keep you in his life--he's knows a jewel when he sees one. So are you saying that the fact that he just came out of a broken wedlock couldn't possibly have left him with hesitations about entering into another long term relationship so soon regardless of the girl? Give me a break.

The author also says that if a man wants you, he'll do whatever it takes to get you. I strongly disagree. Take a look at the (male) author of this book, he's a self-proclaimed "bad boy", who we may deduce was probably pretty cocky when it came to dating. I'm guessing (as per the "bad boy stereotypical formula") that he had no problems approaching and pursuing women. The thing is though Mr. Author-man, not all men are created the same.

Some men are shy.

Some men genuinely have baggage.

Some men need a little encouragement because their last few attempts have falled flat.

I agree that the male should do a lot of the pursuing, but I don't think the girl needs to sit back and allow herself to be led at the will of the guy. That's simply ridiculous.
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102 of 114 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars This book has a FATAL FLAW December 17, 2004
By Dean
The author's of this book arrogantly proclaim that men who are interested in you will do all sorts of creative things to initiate dating, ask a girl out, and come up with all sorts of wonderful, clever romantic things to build your relationship upon - IF they're interested of course.

However, the reality is that this doesn't hold true for a large % of men. Many of us are shy and avoid the bar/club games, slick come-on lines and all the other things that these authors so steadfastly proclaim that all of us men will do.

It could VERY WELL be that the man is absolutely interested in you, however, he is too shy to ask you out, he is uncomfortable to walk across the room while you are surrounded with your friends to initiate a conversation, he is perhaps a great guy, however, he isn't Mr. Smooth on how to wine, dine, romance and seduce a woman.

According the authors, these men must instantly be dismissed forever because "he just isn't that into you". Ridiculous. In fact, I would also argue that a large % of the time, it isn't so clear as to whether or not the women is into HIM for the exact same reasons - SHE is shy, she isn't making her feelings known, she isn't the clever player who does the dating thing just right, etc.

I'm sure this book has some helpful advice for women who desperately cling to failed partners, however, without question it should be taken with a grain of salt.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
I think i just fell i love. This book is just perfection i love it so much
Published 15 hours ago by Ashley
5.0 out of 5 stars It helps women to make better decisions about whether to stay in a...
This book really explains how men think about relationships and women. It helps women to make better decisions about whether to stay in a relationship or move on.
Published 4 days ago by Sandra Farrugia
5.0 out of 5 stars I love that I bought the audio
It was fabulous. I love that I bought the audio, hearing Greg say these things was like a big brother talking to you.
Published 6 days ago by Lorren A. Cotton
5.0 out of 5 stars I checked it out from my library and I loved it so much I bought my...
This book was off the chain! Just read it! I checked it out from my library and I loved it so much I bought my own copy! It's just that good! :)
Published 8 days ago by MusicHeadMissy
2.0 out of 5 stars wouldn't recommended it for Christians as men who have values do ...
Bit of a negative view point I believe...wouldn't recommended it for Christians as men who have values do actually exist. Read more
Published 12 days ago by Stephanie Greenfield
2.0 out of 5 stars May be true, but still silly and lightweight
The book was hardly worth the time it took to read it, which is a good thing, since the Kindle version was wonky. Read more
Published 13 days ago by ARS
1.0 out of 5 stars Waste of money
I am upset that I even wasted money or time reading this book. Some of the advice is common sense. Some of it is complete crap. Read more
Published 16 days ago by N. Barefoot
5.0 out of 5 stars Truth!!
If you need a good dose of the truth about how men are wired, read this book & take it to heart. That is all!
Published 18 days ago by Carrie Rachel
4.0 out of 5 stars Important message, quick read, but still redundant/over-written
My mom recommended this book to me about seven years ago when I kept seeing an old boyfriend who clearly wasn't interested. Read more
Published 21 days ago by Michelle E. Landreth
4.0 out of 5 stars it's a fun read
It's a fun read. Witty, funny, and straight to the point. It's nice to hear a man's point a view.
Published 1 month ago by LeAnne
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More About the Author

Comedian Greg Behrendt was a consultant for three consecutive seasons on Sex and the City. His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, Comedy Central Presents..., The Tonight Show, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter.


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Welcome to the He's Just Not That Into You forum
The way a woman avoids being dumped is by 1) dating someone with whom she is actually compatible, and 2) recognizing bad behavior for what it is rather than making excuses. When a woman refuses to tolerate bad behavior she won't have the experience of being stood up a second time, because there... Read More
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