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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (The Newly Expanded Edition) Hardcover – December 26, 2006


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 208 pages
  • Publisher: Gallery Books; Expanded edition (December 26, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 141694740X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1416947400
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.8 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1,220 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #143,318 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

It’s a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he’s giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he’s confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City—and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses—provides a simple answer: he’s just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." If you’re not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q’s and a’s covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn’t that smitten with her.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From School Library Journal

Adult/High School–With a bright, breezy style, the authors highlight a list of actions that men take to demonstrate that they are "just not into you," using "Dear Greg" letters and replies, unscientific polls of men, lists reviewing the key points in each chapter, a comic glossary, and laugh-out-loud workbook assignments. Although this book is meant for the 20-plus career women who have been dating for a while, the empowering message that a woman deserves a man who truly loves her and not one that she must constantly make excuses for can't be learned too early.–Jane S. Drabkin, Chinn Park Regional Library, Woodbridge, VA
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

More About the Author

Comedian Greg Behrendt was a consultant for three consecutive seasons on Sex and the City. His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, Comedy Central Presents..., The Tonight Show, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter.

Customer Reviews

I found this book to be a very entertaining read.
Natalie
As evidenced on the show, most of the guys on it (and the prototype expounded on in the book) couldn't get a date with most women.
Maya Torani
Yet the guys who hold back, don't call me as much as I'd like end up being really into me, they just didn't want to scare me away.
Coach

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

874 of 956 people found the following review helpful By Michael T. Rognlien VINE VOICE on September 24, 2004
Format: Hardcover
This book really isn't just for women, and it really isn't just about relationships. True, it focuses on empowering women to say "Hey, I'm worth more than this and I'm not going to settle" which is a wonderful thing to realize, but it really goes beyond relationships. We are conditioned to work hard (and, as an unfortunate side effect, suffer) for everything in life - jobs, material possessions, etc - and when love or money or other things we want don't come to us, it's easier emotionally to justify and/or make excuses as to why we're not getting what we feel we deserve when we want it. Whether it's the attention of a man (or woman) or a promotion at work, the power of this book is that it tells you in no uncertain terms that YOU are the only one who will suffer if you continue to cling to something that wasn't meant to be.

The authors have really stumbled on to something good here - what I took away from this book and will continue to remember is that life is too short to pine for things that aren't meant to happen. Who knows how many great things pass us by because we're too busy worrying about getting something or someone that just wasn't meant to be. Read it and weep, if you must, but then also be glad that - if you apply what you've learned and make it your mantra - it's the last time you will cry over a love or aspiration unrealized.
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113 of 125 people found the following review helpful By Dean on December 17, 2004
Format: Hardcover
The author's of this book arrogantly proclaim that men who are interested in you will do all sorts of creative things to initiate dating, ask a girl out, and come up with all sorts of wonderful, clever romantic things to build your relationship upon - IF they're interested of course.

However, the reality is that this doesn't hold true for a large % of men. Many of us are shy and avoid the bar/club games, slick come-on lines and all the other things that these authors so steadfastly proclaim that all of us men will do.

It could VERY WELL be that the man is absolutely interested in you, however, he is too shy to ask you out, he is uncomfortable to walk across the room while you are surrounded with your friends to initiate a conversation, he is perhaps a great guy, however, he isn't Mr. Smooth on how to wine, dine, romance and seduce a woman.

According the authors, these men must instantly be dismissed forever because "he just isn't that into you". Ridiculous. In fact, I would also argue that a large % of the time, it isn't so clear as to whether or not the women is into HIM for the exact same reasons - SHE is shy, she isn't making her feelings known, she isn't the clever player who does the dating thing just right, etc.

I'm sure this book has some helpful advice for women who desperately cling to failed partners, however, without question it should be taken with a grain of salt.
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551 of 628 people found the following review helpful By Burton Kent on December 15, 2005
Format: Hardcover
Disclaimer - I've only looked at the first third of this book. What I did look at was ALL WRONG.

The author breezily explains to women that if a guy was interested in you, he would make a move. That's it. Every single time.

I'll let you in on a secret. Most guys are actually terrified of women... or more specifically, terrified of rejection. This is especially true if you have an ongoing relationship (whether a business relationship, same circle of friends, etc.) where he will have to "revisit" his rejection repeatedly.

For some men, asking a woman out is tantamount to a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL. It makes them THAT nervous, or even MORE nervous. At least with a proposal, the guy has some idea of what answer to expect.

I used to be like this. Women would literally pull me aside and tell me what a great guy I am. I didn't have confidence in my attractiveness, so I didn't realize they were actually telling me they LIKED me. A LOT. I really did think they were telling me they really dig me as a friend.

As a result -- I never did anything.

(AAAAAAUGGGGHHHHH!!!!)

I don't have this problem anymore. But... I definitely do see this in a lot of guys. Perhaps the world the author lives in is full of confident guys. That's why I give this 2 stars instead of 1... I'm giving him a slight benefit of the doubt.

I'm not done yet though ... here's an added twist...

The more a guy likes you (I'm talking to the women reading this), in some cases he may actually be less likely to ask you out. He values you too much to risk messing things up.

So... this book is WRONG in the majority of cases, in my experience.
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381 of 436 people found the following review helpful By South Asian Book Worm on November 19, 2004
Format: Hardcover
Most of what the male author of this book states is common sense. E.g. "a cheating man is bad", "If he doesn't call you, ask you out, sleep with you, he isn't into you". However--I hold great contention in how absolute the author in his assessment of men. He presumes all men work the same, and that's just not true.

In the book he gives an example of a girl dating a man who's just come out of a divorce. He's told her that he's not ready to get into a serious relationship right now because he just got out of one--makes complete sense. The author's assessment? "He's just not that into you". Are you kidding me? He says that if a man likes you, he will do what it takes to keep you in his life--he's knows a jewel when he sees one. So are you saying that the fact that he just came out of a broken wedlock couldn't possibly have left him with hesitations about entering into another long term relationship so soon regardless of the girl? Give me a break.

The author also says that if a man wants you, he'll do whatever it takes to get you. I strongly disagree. Take a look at the (male) author of this book, he's a self-proclaimed "bad boy", who we may deduce was probably pretty cocky when it came to dating. I'm guessing (as per the "bad boy stereotypical formula") that he had no problems approaching and pursuing women. The thing is though Mr. Author-man, not all men are created the same.

Some men are shy.

Some men genuinely have baggage.

Some men need a little encouragement because their last few attempts have falled flat.

I agree that the male should do a lot of the pursuing, but I don't think the girl needs to sit back and allow herself to be led at the will of the guy. That's simply ridiculous.
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