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Hidden Messages : What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children Paperback – September 1, 2000

24 customer reviews

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Hidden Messages : What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children + The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears: Foreword by Tim Seldin (Pantley) + The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"A must read for all parents." -- Ray & Lynne Heinrich, Ontario Stepfamily Association, Canada

"Don't miss the empowering, supportive advice found here to help children feel loved and become healthy, happy, capable adults." -- Shelley Butler & Deb Kratz, Authors, The Field Guide to Parenting

"No other parenting book that I've read covers this topic so thoroughly and thoughtfully." -- Keri Baker, Creator and Webmaster, Parentingweb.com

"Respectful to parents, clear and readable and absolutely helpful." -- Kathy Lynn, President, Parenting Today

"Reveals the subtle but significant ways that parent's words and actions influence their child's behavior and development." -- Bobbi Conner, Host, The Parent's Journal, heard nationwide on Public Radio

"Shows us concrete ways to use positive language and productive actions to direct our children towards more successful futures." -- Jill Whalen, Editor, Parentsroom Website

From the Back Cover

Even the best-informed parents will be shocked to discover that they have unintentionally been sending their kids the wrong messages. In this book, these hidden messages are revealed through intriguing stories that will make you laugh, cry, and reflect upon your own family life. Hidden Messages will teach you about yourself and encourage you to look at what's really going on between you and your children. Through specific action plans, it will help you uncover the best ways to raise your children to be happy, successful people.

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Product Details

  • Series: Pantley
  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education; 1 edition (September 1, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0809297701
  • ISBN-13: 978-0809297702
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #741,049 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

When asked to define myself, the first thing that comes to mind is not the business that that brings in my paycheck, but the pursuit that occupies the majority of my days and the biggest chunk of my heart: Mother. I'm a mom of four wonderful, loveable, magical children. I've managed to create a rich and rewarding career as an author of books for parents, and as a speaker on this epic and important topic. I have the pleasure of writing about the things that bring families more peace, and the fun of chatting with people every day about our children and calling it work. I travel around the world to share what I know, and learn many new things from other parents on my journeys. I have presented at many conferences, hospital parenting programs and other events. I'm the author of nine parenting books available in 24 languages -- showing that parents are the same, no matter where in the world they live or what language they speak. My email box is filled daily with reader mail from all over the world -- my virtual pen pals. I have several new "No-Cry" parenting books in the works.

You can get more information, pictures, articles, contests, and more, at my web site: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

81 of 82 people found the following review helpful By Gaye Ward on June 15, 2001
Format: Paperback
Everything we do is giving a message to our children. A scary thought? Certainly, especially when we realise that often we are unknowingly giving them entirely the WRONG message. Sometimes we are inadvertently teaching our children the exact OPPOSITE of what we would like to. The good news is that we can learn to give our kids the messages we really WANT them to get! Hidden Messages: What our words and actions are really telling our children is a book that EVERY parent needs to read.
As always, Elizabeth Pantley challenges us to think about our parenting and teaches us how to make changes that can have dramatic effects on the lives of our families. Her style is gentle and positive. As Dr. William Sears writes in his foreword, "Sure to gently tweak the consciences of even the best parents, inspire them to raise their children in a more conscious and sensitive manner - and tug at the heartstrings as a reminder to give constructive messages to our children".
This book is DIFFERENT! Elizabeth Pantley uses stories (some real, some partly contrived) to illustrate a whole variety of parenting lessons. This is very effective indeed. Many parents will be able to see themselves in some of the examples. As I read, I felt at times shocked, at times amazed, at times I even shed a tear or two. I learnt a great deal about myself, my parenting, and how to make some important changes. When you read this book, be prepared to be moved.
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53 of 53 people found the following review helpful By J. Rapp on November 14, 2004
Format: Paperback
Reading this book has been a seriously eye-opening experience for me. While I "knew" that our children are little sponges and take in everything around them, I had no idea how many "hidden messages" I was giving my daughter that were so negative. I truly saw myself as an excellent and attached parent, and I still do, but this book has truly called me to a deeper parenting model. Not everyone comes from a wonderful family of origin, and this book showed me how many things I was passing on that I had no intention of teaching my daughter. I recommend this book to every parent!
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40 of 41 people found the following review helpful By Reader on March 3, 2004
Format: Paperback
Powerful eye-opening messages that expose the errors in our innocent daily actions with our children. Each chapter opens with a very typical and common parent-child situation. You'll be nodding in agreement as you'll see yourself displayed clearly. Then the author presents a description of the Hidden Message shown in the action and you'll stop and restructure your thoughts on the insightful take on a seemingly harmless interaction. For example, if you always do for your child by packing his lunch, tieing his shoes, cleaning his room then you may be robbing him of the ability to take care of himself. Every parent should read this book - and the younger your child the better. Excellent.
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39 of 40 people found the following review helpful By Adrienne on June 18, 2003
Format: Paperback
Once again Pantley has done it. What a fabulous window into myself and my children. I must confess that I think I am a most devoted and conscientious parent. With a background in early childhood education, I feel well prepared to competently reer my two boys. But Elizabeth's book has me re-examining some of my everyday decisions, such as cleaning up after my three year old or staying after him to do it. More importantly, reading certain scenarios was a reminder to me that every interaction with my children has an impact on their fragile little developing personalities. And frequently the impact is more far reaching than I anticipate.
Hidden Messages is not only valuable information. It also compellingly written by an author who is as competent and experienced as she is earnest and compassionate.
This book is a "must read" for parents!
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 9, 2000
Format: Paperback
"Hidden Messages" puts the reader back into the mind and heart of the child, and moves the reader to think more carefully about the things s/he says to, does for, and behaves around children. The book is based on the premise that most of us are "good parents" trying our best and incites us to think things through as we go through our everyday routines. The main thrust of the book is "walking a mile" in our children's shoes. Each section describes a common, everyday occurrence in family life, an incident that might not otherwise provoke a moment of thought...until viewed through a child's eyes. It then describes the child's possible interpretation, and discusses approaches.
When I read this book, I found myself saying over and over again, "Yes, I've done that...I've never thought of things that way..."
The book provokes thought on behalf of our children in a wise, witty, warm way that made me want to hug my children at the conclusion of every chapter. It offered reassurance that I'm just like most parents, yet gives me ways I can improve my communication style and be more mindful of the examples I set. I can't think of anyone who could not benefit from reading it.
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