Customer Reviews

Hidden Messages : What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children

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Everything we do is giving a message to our children. A scary thought? Certainly, especially when we realise that often we are unknowingly giving them entirely the WRONG message. Sometimes we are inadvertently teaching our children the exact OPPOSITE of what we would like to. The good news is that we can learn to give our kids the messages we really WANT them to get! Hidden Messages: What our words and actions are really telling our children is a book that EVERY parent needs to read.

As always, Elizabeth Pantley challenges us to think about our parenting and teaches us how to make changes that can have dramatic effects on the lives of our families. Her style is gentle and positive. As Dr. William Sears writes in his foreword, "Sure to gently tweak the consciences of even the best parents, inspire them to raise their children in a more conscious and sensitive manner - and tug at the heartstrings as a reminder to give constructive messages to our children".

This book is DIFFERENT! Elizabeth Pantley uses stories (some real, some partly contrived) to illustrate a whole variety of parenting lessons. This is very effective indeed. Many parents will be able to see themselves in some of the examples. As I read, I felt at times shocked, at times amazed, at times I even shed a tear or two. I learnt a great deal about myself, my parenting, and how to make some important changes. When you read this book, be prepared to be moved.

Hidden Messages consists of 33 stories, grouped into the categories: messages about responsibility and independence; messages about thoughtfulness and kindness; messages about annoyance and anger; messages about relationships; messages about discipline and behavior; messages about listening and caring and love; messages about time and priorities and messages about parenting styles. Each story is followed by the "hidden message" (see if you can work it out for yourself while reading the story!), "think about it" and "changes you can make". In these 33 short stories, you are taken on a kind of journey of all that is important in parenting. You are challenged (ever so gently) to examine your own relationship with your children and given the tools to grow and mature in your parenting journey.

This is an amazing book! I thoroughly recommend it to every parent - the messages contained in it are simply too important to miss.

Reading this book has been a seriously eye-opening experience for me. While I "knew" that our children are little sponges and take in everything around them, I had no idea how many "hidden messages" I was giving my daughter that were so negative. I truly saw myself as an excellent and attached parent, and I still do, but this book has truly called me to a deeper parenting model. Not everyone comes from a wonderful family of origin, and this book showed me how many things I was passing on that I had no intention of teaching my daughter. I recommend this book to every parent!

Powerful eye-opening messages that expose the errors in our innocent daily actions with our children. Each chapter opens with a very typical and common parent-child situation. You'll be nodding in agreement as you'll see yourself displayed clearly. Then the author presents a description of the Hidden Message shown in the action and you'll stop and restructure your thoughts on the insightful take on a seemingly harmless interaction. For example, if you always do for your child by packing his lunch, tieing his shoes, cleaning his room then you may be robbing him of the ability to take care of himself. Every parent should read this book - and the younger your child the better. Excellent.

Once again Pantley has done it. What a fabulous window into myself and my children. I must confess that I think I am a most devoted and conscientious parent. With a background in early childhood education, I feel well prepared to competently reer my two boys. But Elizabeth's book has me re-examining some of my everyday decisions, such as cleaning up after my three year old or staying after him to do it. More importantly, reading certain scenarios was a reminder to me that every interaction with my children has an impact on their fragile little developing personalities. And frequently the impact is more far reaching than I anticipate.

Hidden Messages is not only valuable information. It also compellingly written by an author who is as competent and experienced as she is earnest and compassionate.

This book is a "must read" for parents!

"Hidden Messages" puts the reader back into the mind and heart of the child, and moves the reader to think more carefully about the things s/he says to, does for, and behaves around children. The book is based on the premise that most of us are "good parents" trying our best and incites us to think things through as we go through our everyday routines. The main thrust of the book is "walking a mile" in our children's shoes. Each section describes a common, everyday occurrence in family life, an incident that might not otherwise provoke a moment of thought...until viewed through a child's eyes. It then describes the child's possible interpretation, and discusses approaches.

When I read this book, I found myself saying over and over again, "Yes, I've done that...I've never thought of things that way..."

The book provokes thought on behalf of our children in a wise, witty, warm way that made me want to hug my children at the conclusion of every chapter. It offered reassurance that I'm just like most parents, yet gives me ways I can improve my communication style and be more mindful of the examples I set. I can't think of anyone who could not benefit from reading it.

Powerful is the only word to describe this book. I can't believe the impact it can have on your life. I think if all parents were required to read it before their children were born our world would be a place I'd be more than happy to raise my 2 children in!
Jessica Hudson
Sexy & Stylish Maternity Clothing and Nursing Clothing at Eva Lillian Maternity & Nursing Boutique

I was SO surprised to find that some of the things I have been doing to/for/with my children actually can have the opposite effect as what I had planned! Here I was thinking that I was being such a great mother, when huge mistakes were lurking beneath the surface. I hate to give away the punchline, so I won't give exact details, except to say that I have really changed my way of raising my children.

Another really great thing about this book is that it doesn't read like a million other boring parenting books -- the format is set up in stories that are a real joy to read. I found myself laughing and crying my way through them. The "Hidden Message" after each story often took my breath away - WOW! (I would think) I've never thought of it that way before.

I highly recommend this book - you'll learn things that you never expected to learn. It'll change your life. It did mine.

You THINK you know, but sometimes you are fooled. There are things that this book uncovered for me that showed me the error or my way of thinking. A simple example, maybe, but I used to make all my kids lunches for school. Since reading this book I taught them how to do it and they take pride in doing it on their own - even the first grader! I enjoyed the Chicken Soup style stories and the information that followed each story was incredibly helpful in making decisions about how to avoid (or fix) the issue in your family. Highly recommended.

We're all human and so we all make mistakes--it's the learning from our mistakes that makes us better parents. HIDDEN MESSAGES offers us a road map to parenting in a new way. By presenting stories of typical everyday situations, followed by "Think About It," we are offered vaulable insight into the real messages that we send to our children by our actions & inactions, as well as by our words. The "hidden message" in each story is clearly described. The "Changes You Can Make" section following each story offers clear, practical, useful, and easy-to-understand advice. Thank you, Ms. Pantley for recognizing that even with the best of intentions, none of us is perfect and for showing us the way to more succesful parenting.

Elizabeth Pantley's latest book, extracts of which have been featured in the Practical Parenting newsletter. I love the style of this book; it takes stories bases on real life parenting situations and then draws out key messages about what we are really teaching our children; then pointers are provided for change. This book could also be used by practitioners in their work to prompt reflection and insight. Great book!

Dr Andy Gill