The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation [Paperback]

Alan Fruzzetti Ph.D. (Author), Marsha Linehan Ph.D. (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 3, 2006

You hear and read a lot about ways to improve your relationship. But if you've tried these without much success, you're not alone. Many highly reactive couples-pairs that are quick to argue, anger, and blame-need more than just the run-of-the-mill relationship advice to solve their problems in love. When destructive emotions are at the heart of problems in your relationship, no amount of effective communication or intimacy building will fix what ails it. If you're part of a 'high-conflict' couple, you need to get control of your emotions first, to stop making things worse, and only then work on building a better relationship.

The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you'll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. Other approaches will help you disclose your fears, longings, and other vulnerabilities to your partner and validate his or her experiences in return. You'll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most.

Editorial Reviews

Review

This is a long awaited book! Fruzzetti is a master clinician who does rigorous science in order to provide those of us doing treatment and those in need of it something that works. This is hope for all of us working with individuals, couples and families who suffer. Thank you, Alan, for this timely and important work.
—Suzanne Witterholt, MD, distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Associationand director of Ananda Services for Dialectical Behavior Therapy in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Minnesota

From the Publisher

This is the first book to use dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to help high-conflict couples regulate out-of-control emotions, tolerate distressing situations, and resolve problems—an approach proven to help even the most highly reactive couples build healthy relationships.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (December 3, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 157224450X
• ISBN-13: 978-1572244504
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #12,149 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

47 of 49 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars analytically oriented help for conflict-prone couples, July 30, 2007

By 

Omar Siddique (Ellicott City, MD USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation (Paperback)

High Conflict Couple is a concise, easy to understand guide for couples seeking to deepen their relationship and ease their conflicts.

Its tone is a bit crisper, cooler, and more analytical than most marriage guides. This is actually its strength, speaking to the analytical half of your relationship in a straight-forward way they will appreciate and understand even if they shy away from most relationship-help books as being too touchie-feelie. The message is the same as many guides, that validation (lingo for healthy supportive loving communication) is the key to a happy, intimate relationship-- and it is the key. This book helps approach that need from the angle of couples or individuals who have already been conflict-prone.

The book has open-ended exercises that are useful if a bit vague, precise examples, and very good flow from chapter to chapter, start to finish. Even the layout is accessible with short measured segments that allow the reader to pause and reflect frequently.

Pair this with The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert for a complete set of paperback marriage counseling: that book contains many accessible examples, detailed exercises, and 2-person activities to try with your partner. I highly recommend the combination of the two books.

Regardless, if you're the emotional half of your relationship, get High Conflict Couple for your emotionally-challenged partner. If you're the analytical half, the guide will speak to you right away, and you'll wonder why nobody ever explained it to you in such a direct easy to understand way.

Highly recommended whether you are in a happy relationship, a struggling one, or struggling to understand why a relationship failed.

29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great resource for all couples!, November 30, 2006

By 

John M. Worrall "JMW" (Reno, NV USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation (Paperback)

This book is full of practical tips on how to make any couple's relationship better. It places a lot of emphasis on validation (what it is, how to validate and how we frequently inadvertantly invalidate each other without realizing it). Each chapter includes exercises to practice what was discussed. The exercises essentially help a couple to start to immediately put into practice what was discussed in the chapter; it's amazing how the techniques, though not complicated, really seem to work. In summary, the book is well organized, easy to read, and an extremely effective way for a couple motivated toward change to move forward in a positive way. Thank you!

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended to improve your relationship!, January 4, 2007

By 

Holly Hazlett-Stevens "Holly Hazlett-Stevens,... (Reno, NV USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation (Paperback)

This book is an important new resource not only for people concerned about relationship conflict. Anyone struggling with anxiety, depression, or other "individual" emotional problems who is also in an intimate relationship could benefit. More and more, psychologists are discovering just how important relationships are to what we once thought were individual personal problems. This wonderful book is rich with real life examples and straightforward exercises every reader can do. This book is highly recommended for anyone wanting to improve their relationship with their partner!