Customer Reviews

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Aron's first book, The Highly Sensitive Person, was groundbreaking. The author pioneered in presenting a well-researched theory on what was essentially an inherited temperament leading to an unusual level of sensitivity to one's environment. Being sensitive to this degree, one sees the subtleties others miss, feels the depths others fail to experience, and essentially lives a fuller life just by observation, let alone by experience. However, this attunement has the downside of over-stimulation of the senses, resulting in feelings of discomfort or panic and a need to retreat into a far less active environment. When I first read Aron's book, I found myself. Not all of me, since each individual has myriad aspects both biological and experiential in origin, but an understanding of some of my persistent and inescapable (inexplicable) behaviors. Now, I appreciate my sensitivity, realizing that I'm not paranoid because I put 2 + 2 together more quickly than anyone I know. In fact, after Aron's book, I've learned to use and trust this ability to my and others' advantage. I realize too that I need a peaceful, silent retreat from stimulus in order to regain my balance -- realize it and understand it and permit it.

So it was with anticipation that I got myself a copy of her new book, hoping for many insights into achieving a harmonious and pleasurable love life. The HSP in Love is not as well-written or as innovative or amazing as was the original volume. I found it difficult at times to focus on the point the author was making during a discussion; however, certain points were enlightening, especially when the author writes about current research into relationships (which apply to everyone, not just HSPs). From time to time there are too many acronyms -- HSPs, non-HSPs, HSS, non-HSS, HSW, HSM, etc. -- in one paragraph, so the writing style became choppy and difficult to follow. The book contains a summary of the theory which though a good review takes up too much of the text, so there isn't enough about the "love": relationships, romance, sexuality, or platonic relationships as well. That was disappointing. Also, at times I felt like I was reading the first draft of the book, as if the author had no time to produce the book she actually intended -- something tight and organized, filled with revealing info about HSP relationships.

There was good information in this book. Don't get me wrong on that. It was worth reading, but I was left wanting more info rather than feeling like I had learned a great deal. Based on the book, my relationships have not improved, but I know a little more about loving relationships and I have more compassion for myself and my behavior/needs within the relationships. The book is worth reading for anyone identifying with being a HSP, but be sure you read The Highly Sensitive Person first so you have an understanding of the theory and get the most enlightenment about yourself before delving into to this later book.

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love is Dr. Elaine N. Aron's "sequel" to her best-selling book "The Highly Sensitive Person."

This second book builds on her previous research, this time taking on the topic of Relationships and along with it, possibly one of the most difficult issues facing Highly Sensitive People (HSPs): How to balance a strong need for "alone and quiet time" with the genuine desire to have an active and fulfilling intimate relationship. In addition to her research, Aron (an HSP) also draws on experiences from her own marriage to a non-HSP.

As a starting point, the book includes a "Sensitivity Self Test" for both the reader and their mate or potential partner. Aron then goes on to explain how HSPs differ from the rest of the world in the way they fall in love, think about love, and their needs within a relationship. There are separate chapters covering the pluses and minuses of different types of relationships: Two HSPs together, and an HSP paired with a non-HSP, as well as the differing needs of highly sensitive men and women. Finally, there are sections on "Building Sensitive Partnerships" and HSP Sexuality. Except for a few vague and indirect references, "The Highly Sensitive Person in Love" deals strictly with heterosexual relationships.

Whereas I enjoyed this book, and found much useful information within its pages, it didn't seem to offer quite the number of insights provided by "The Highly Sensitive Person." This perhaps goes to illustrate that whereas HSPs may have special needs, their relationship dynamics aren't AS different from anyone else's as one might think. Still, the book is well worth a read-- the sections on dating that "works" for an HSP, handling conflicts in a relationship, communication, and dividing "like" and "dislike" tasks in low-stress ways are highly recommended.

Aron's writing style gets a little dry and "clinical" from time to time, but the book is still quite readable. I think it stands alone quite well, but I would still highly recommend also reading Dr. Aron's original book.

Overall rating: Recommended (7.2 bookmarks out of a possible 10), not only for the Highly Sensitive Person, but also for a less sensitive person with a Highly Sensitive partner who thoroughly mystifies them!

After reading the first three reviews, I put off buying this book. I got the impression that it might be just a rehash of Elaine Aron's previous HSP books which I already own.Nothing could be further from the truth! This book is packed with useful information and practical strategies for HSPs to use to build solid, fulfilling relationships. I gleaned many insights and ideas that I plan to use to enhance my relationships with my family and friends as well as with my husband.If you're serious about building a happy, fulfilling life as an HSP, I highly recommend this book.

As a psychotherapist, I found this book an invaluable source of practical wisdom. The author has articulated something that often goes unheard in a extraverted, "more is more, and more is better" culture. HSP's have difficulty making a relationship to their healthy creative selves; they have often learned to pathologize their gifts of intuition and introspection, depth and empathy. Separated from self, it should be no surprise that they also often become alienated from their partners, but when they are in sync with themselves, they can be warm, compassionate, spontaneous and profoundly present in love relationships. It is gratifying to find a resource that offers concrete suggestions and a wealth of support to HSP's. They are among the more gifted among us, and they need and deserve to be encouraged.

If you are a highly sensitive person with a non-HSP partner this book is very helpful. First of all, HSPs are often capable of delivering incredibly long explanations of their behavior to select quarters. When called on to explain themselves to a partner, they can speak in epics.

If you are in this position, save yourself some time. Someone has already written the epic.

I have sensed and/or mentioned -most- of the relationship problems in this book. However, my observations and intuitions were spread out over the course of the entire relationship. I'm sure that many of my observations did not penetrate the mind of my partner as being significant. Thus, they weren't as useful as they should have been.

This book lays it out bluntly and clearly, for all to see.

This is extremely important for both partners. The book affirms what the HSP already intuited, and it gives the non-HSP a reference. Non-HSPs seem to feel much happier when they are given a reference. They do not dwell in an intuitive world of twenty thousand grays supplemented by prior reading. If you're having trouble in your relationship and you're highly sensitive, give yourself some relief, give your partner a much-deserved break. Get this, read it together. S/he will be relieved, and so will you. Buy it. Save yourself some work.

In my annual Valentine's Day funk over being perpetually unattached, I bought this book. It was the perfect purchase. It has helped me discover ways (that aren't totally alien to my personality) that I can use for trying to meet somebody special, and what seems like a good guide to the types of things I'll feel and experience as I get into relationships.

I am a highly sensitive person even though I have spent 20 years trying to be otherwise. I realize that my mate needs to respond and react differently than what is "normal." Another excellent book for dealing with sensitive people is THE ROMANTIC'S GUIDE.

In reading Aron's books, I feel fully comprehended, which has been a rarity in this life. Her research let me know there are others like me, and I felt deeply heartened by the contents of this book. I love, too, that she writes from a place she knows from the inside out, and that she and her husband have collaborated over the years on research about this very important aspect of being human. I have purchased this book many times for friends.

I'd say this is required reading for those who are dating...or in a relationship where there's some conflict at times. She talks here about HSP--Highly Sensitive People who are in HSP/HSP relationships or HSP/non-HSP relationships. Very helpful.

I first read this and another of her works when I was dating a therapist. She got me into reading Elaine Aron as part of my self discovery quest. Seems obvious that you're not likely to connect well with other people if you don't know yourself well. So I took up the challenge of considering if I was one of these HSP folk. Yep. If you are wondering who you are in relation to others--even your own grand kids, I'd recommend her other introduction book as the first of a pair: The Highly Sensitive Person.

I read this Who Am I work with other "wiring books" about the brain (A General Theory of Love by Lewis and friends; and Why We Love by Helen Fisher). And, of course, heart and soul books (Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore, The Authentic Heart, by John Amodeo)along with poetry. No self discovery tour is quite complete--seems to me--without lots of poetry salted in, read and written.

My big take away with this book was to be able to stop judging myself for being different, knowing after this study that from the womb 20% of us are HSP...highly sensitive persons. I understand full well now that when I enter a party I see everything and everybody, all the conversations going on at once...that's just the way I am. It's just how my brain is wired, my brain and heart. I see now why I can only watch one movie a night, for example, and why a double feature sends me spinning. I need to process what's been in front of me (lots of things, says HSP wiring) and can't move on to B until I've exhausted A. Another reason here that I suppose I am and always be one who takes things way too seriously.

Also, if you live with someone who is a HSP you need to read this book together so you'll understand why you are both so annoying sometimes.

What I got from this was that it's not a good thing or a bad thing but a wiring thing if you are a HSP man or woman. Indeed, if you're not the one in five who are wired this way...wouldn't that be good to know?

She's got a new edition out I see--1997--so this work is still being read, studied. Good. So I'd say get this book so you'll understand the HSP/non-HSP interface if nothing else. Would help in the home and in the office no doubt.

I'd also say that if you are not in the position to date a therapist, save some couch time, go easy on your wallet and your insurance plan at work and buy this book.

I happened to come across this book at the library; I had not read her other works or heard about them. This is one of the most helpful self-help books I've read. I'm not familiar with the research so I have to trust that the author is indeed presenting good information; however, for my situation at least, what she says about HSP makes perfect sense. I understand myself better now and I think her work (because I'm planning on reading her other books) will really help me live the way I want to. Her information is both very interesting theories and practical tips; she lost me a little when she started talking about spirituality but that's because I wasn't as interested in that stuff. Great book!