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His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage Hardcover – February 1, 2011

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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

The Best Book on Marriage Is Better Than Ever!

In this classic bestseller Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.

This revised and expanded edition has been updated throughout and includes new writing that highlights the special significance of intimate emotional needs in marriage.|Willard F. Harley, Jr., is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including Five Steps to Romantic Love, Love Busters, and His Needs, Her Needs for Parents. His popular website,, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem. Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce, host a daily radio call-in show, Marriage Builders. They live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota.

From the Back Cover

What will it take to make your marriage sizzle?

Time after time, His Needs, Her Needs has topped the charts as the best marriage book available. More than any other, this book helps husbands and wives give each other what they need most in marriage.

The millions of couples who have read His Needs, Her Needs have learned to keep the romance alive, and they are recommending it to others. Join those who have seen spectacular changes in their marriages by following Dr. Harley's tried and proven counsel. You will discover that an outstanding marriage can be more than a dream--it can be your reality.

What couples are saying about His Needs, Her Needs:

"My new husband and I were having trouble adjusting to marriage. I read the book and immediately things began to improve."

"It is the best book on marriage I have ever read."

"I have recommended this book to every one of my friends. It should become a staple in every house."

"I can't believe how peaceful and loving our marriage has become since reading this book. We went from being at the brink of divorce to experiencing the same love and excitement as when we first met."

Millions have already discovered the power of this book. Isn't it time you did as well?

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Revell; Rev Exp edition (February 1, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0800719387
  • ISBN-13: 978-0800719388
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 6.5 x 9.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (533 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,791 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. He is best known as the author of His Needs, Her Needs; Love Busters; Five Steps to Romantic Love; and Give and Take.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

111 of 119 people found the following review helpful By Jzapper on May 4, 2013
Format: Hardcover
I read this book about 10 years ago. I remember the first few chapters being amazing because both my husband and I fit exactly with the needs as described. My brother and his wife are going through lots of issues and I decided to see if I could find it here on amazon. I saw it had some one star reviews and twos, and wanted to see what they were given for, because I enjoyed it so much more than that.
I will say, I can see a lot of the points given in those one star reviews. It was written in a different time, true. However.....I didn't get from it what a lot of these people did. For one some saw this as stating that a man was the one who would stray and they were sex driven. Half of that is true, sex is one of the mans top 5 needs. But it did NOT make it sound as if only the man would stray. It isn't even stating that the there will definitely be affairs. Its a helpful insight to help prevent those thoughts. If you just look at the top 5 needs of the woman, and the top 5 needs of the man and think they fit both you and your spouse, then this book can help if you are having issues or had issues and trying to understand or move past them.
You also have to have the 'traditional' sense of family, which you most likely will if the needs fit with your needs.
His needs:............................Her needs:
1. Sexual fulfillment.................1. Affection

2. Recreational companionship.........2. Conversation

3. An attractive spouse...............3. Honesty and openness

4. Domestic support...................4. Financial support

5. Admiration.........................5. Family commitment

So even reading this list you can see its based on the very basic roles of man and woman.
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68 of 75 people found the following review helpful By Aaron M. Marcelli on April 24, 2012
Format: Hardcover
His Needs Her Needs is a book that was recommended to me by a pastor. I did not know what to expect from the book but found a lot of the contend helpful.

The entire premise is that you need to safeguard your marriage from an affair. Harley argues that the best way to do this is for each spouse to meet the five essential needs of their partner. He also accurately points out the the top five needs of men are quite different from the top five needs of women. From the conflict my wife and I have had in the past I agree that the needs of husbands and wives are different and I would also agree with Harley's assessment of what the top five needs of women are. I'm not so sure his top five needs of men thesis is air tight.

Much of what he has to say is also based on his self-created premise of the idea of "Love Bank." He says that the reason people love each other is because throughout the course of dating and knowing each other they begin to meet some of each others needs, therefore making "deposits" into each others love bank. We then carry around a balance of love points for each other than are our main source in determining how we feel about our partner (or anyone else for that matter). I think there are things to learn from this theory but I do not believe it is as foundational or all-explaining as the author assumes. He makes the claim that even in long periods of absence our love banks for the most part remain at the balance they were when we were last with the other person. I don't think such is always the case.

The book's outline rotates between the needs of men and the needs of women with each chapter rotating between the two partners and addressing a specific need.
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31 of 36 people found the following review helpful By GreenGrassGrowsAllAround on October 24, 2011
Format: Kindle Edition
We read this book together before we got engaged, and the way it promotes honesty and awareness of eachother has played a huge part in the success of our relationship and marriage. When I bought it I was impressed by the high sales number and thought it would make a good choice out of sooooo many marriage and relationship books. We are so glad we picked this one; I don't think our relationship would be half as strong without using what we learned here.

The "on your word" recomendation has brought us to a truthful and loving understanding on more occasions than I can count. Contrary to a review about becoming a Stepford Wife, this book helps you be transparent in a loving way and avoid hidden unhappiness. It teaches how to built healthy activity habits that will bring and keep you together....And IT WORKS!

We give it with wedding gifts. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you are on the fence, remember it is probably cheaper than one copay to see a therapist! This book will teach you why and how to set healthy patterns for your relationship, and is a great way to a fantastic long-lasting start.
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16 of 18 people found the following review helpful By Dukes AZ on May 16, 2013
Format: Hardcover
Been married 40 years. Life coach suggested reading this. Probably most worthwhile book ever read, wife thinks so too. Just the documented facts
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By camerafool on May 15, 2013
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
it doesn't matter if you're having "issues" in your marriage or not. We're only in a few chapters and we are experiencing growth as a couple. You cannot have only one of you reading it however. You must both commit to this together.
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