His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage [Hardcover]

Willard F. Jr. Harley (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 1, 2011

In the classic bestseller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.

This revised and expanded edition has been updated throughout and includes new writing that highlights the special significance of intimate emotional needs in marriage.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

The Best Book on Marriage Is Better Than Ever!

In this classic bestseller Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.

This revised and expanded edition has been updated throughout and includes new writing that highlights the special significance of intimate emotional needs in marriage.

From the Back Cover

What will it take to make your marriage sizzle?

Time after time, His Needs, Her Needs has topped the charts as the best marriage book available. More than any other, this book helps husbands and wives give each other what they need most in marriage.

The millions of couples who have read His Needs, Her Needs have learned to keep the romance alive, and they are recommending it to others. Join those who have seen spectacular changes in their marriages by following Dr. Harley's tried and proven counsel. You will discover that an outstanding marriage can be more than a dream--it can be your reality.

What couples are saying about His Needs, Her Needs:

"My new husband and I were having trouble adjusting to marriage. I read the book and immediately things began to improve."

"It is the best book on marriage I have ever read."

"I have recommended this book to every one of my friends. It should become a staple in every house."

"I can't believe how peaceful and loving our marriage has become since reading this book. We went from being at the brink of divorce to experiencing the same love and excitement as when we first met."

Millions have already discovered the power of this book. Isn't it time you did as well?

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 234 pages
• Publisher: Revell; Rev Exp edition (February 1, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0800719387
• ISBN-13: 978-0800719388
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (131 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,440 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #19 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Marriage

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

28 of 31 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Solid book but sometimes extreme April 24, 2012

By Aaron M. Marcelli

Format:Hardcover

His Needs Her Needs is a book that was recommended to me by a pastor. I did not know what to expect from the book but found a lot of the contend helpful.

The entire premise is that you need to safeguard your marriage from an affair. Harley argues that the best way to do this is for each spouse to meet the five essential needs of their partner. He also accurately points out the the top five needs of men are quite different from the top five needs of women. From the conflict my wife and I have had in the past I agree that the needs of husbands and wives are different and I would also agree with Harley's assessment of what the top five needs of women are. I'm not so sure his top five needs of men thesis is air tight.

Much of what he has to say is also based on his self-created premise of the idea of "Love Bank." He says that the reason people love each other is because throughout the course of dating and knowing each other they begin to meet some of each others needs, therefore making "deposits" into each others love bank. We then carry around a balance of love points for each other than are our main source in determining how we feel about our partner (or anyone else for that matter). I think there are things to learn from this theory but I do not believe it is as foundational or all-explaining as the author assumes. He makes the claim that even in long periods of absence our love banks for the most part remain at the balance they were when we were last with the other person. I don't think such is always the case.

The book's outline rotates between the needs of men and the needs of women with each chapter rotating between the two partners and addressing a specific need. Each chapter then ends with a set of questions addressed to the men, a set addressed to the women, and a set for the couple to answer together. This makes the book a great source to read with your partner. The book also has three appendixes with helpful resources such as an interests survey. This helped my wife and I identify some new activities we want to try together. I think he then goes a little to the extreme when he suggests a partner never participate in an activity in which their spouse does not also enjoy and would not participate with them.

A lot of the principles Harley gives are based off real experiences he has seen from counseling many troubled couples. Though he speaks of specific cases I think most married people could identify in part with many of these stories. He speaks with authority and care as well as being very level headed when discussing marital problems and affairs. The final chapters are a guide to dealing with an affair and though that is not my situation I will certainly keep the book on file for use if that situation should ever occur with someone I know.

I would recommend this book to pretty much every married couple as I think there are enough common issues dealt with that every couple can draw something from it.

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Book May 8, 2012

By GatoRat

Format:Paperback

The value of this book is the questionnaire. Reading the book helps you understand the typical (though by no means ALL) men and women and helps put the topics of the questionnaire in context. Limiting yourself and your partner to the needs listed, even if you don't entirely agree with them, gets you both on the same page and becomes a catalyst for honest discussion. Even discussing HOW you disagree with a specific need is revealing (startlingly so for me.)

My only real complaint is that several of the anecdotes the author uses are absurd and others are just pointless. Were it up to me, I'd edit the book down by at least a third. I've suggested to others to read the first few pages of each chapter to understand what is meant by each need, skip the stories, and then fill out the questionnaire twice. First go through it as fast as you can, wait a day, read what you wrote, throw it away, do a lot of thinking then do the questionnaire again (it's available online as a PDF.) I suggest NOT using custom needs; they tend to be trivial, lack a mutual context and end up leading you back to the he said/she said arguments where a lot is said and nothing understood, let alone resolved.

On a personal note, this book didn't save my marriage, but did save me. It helped me understand myself in ways nothing else had. It helped me understand that my needs weren't selfish, ways I wasn't being the best husband and how dysfunctional my marriage had become. It helped with post divorce counseling due largely to what my ex and I had revealed in the questionnaires and subsequent discussions. Most importantly, without understanding my needs, I probably would have charged into a new relationship just as destructive as the one I'd left.

During counseling while still married, the most surprising thing was when my then wife conceded that I was satisfying all her top five needs, though I definitely needed improvement in a few, but then adamantly refused to admit that some of top needs were even legitimate, until the counselor pushed her, and she insisted I'd just have to accept that I wouldn't have some needs, or part of them, met. Ever. It may sound weird, but after all our arguments and attempts to fix our marriage, to have our differences laid out so plain was refreshing.

9 of 11 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing Book! Invaluable for Pre-engaged Couples October 24, 2011

By GreenGrassGrowsAllAround

Format:Kindle Edition

We read this book together before we got engaged, and the way it promotes honesty and awareness of eachother has played a huge part in the success of our relationship and marriage. When I bought it I was impressed by the high sales number and thought it would make a good choice out of sooooo many marriage and relationship books. We are so glad we picked this one; I don't think our relationship would be half as strong without using what we learned here.

The "on your word" recomendation has brought us to a truthful and loving understanding on more occasions than I can count. Contrary to a review about becoming a Stepford Wife, this book helps you be transparent in a loving way and avoid hidden unhappiness. It teaches how to built healthy activity habits that will bring and keep you together....And IT WORKS!

We give it with wedding gifts. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you are on the fence, remember it is probably cheaper than one copay to see a therapist! This book will teach you why and how to set healthy patterns for your relationship, and is a great way to a fantastic long-lasting start.