Customer Reviews

The Hitched Chick's Guide to Modern Marriage: Essential Advice for Staying Single-minded and Happily Married

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1 star:		(4)

 

 

There are some inspiring moments in this book. The women interviewed are independent in every way and it's interesting to read about the appeal of such a 'traditional' institution to people who have a refreshingly non-traditional approach to relationships.

With that said, Mandi Norwood has an unpleasantly condescending attitude to her mother's generation. Once in a while she grudgingly acknowledges their efforts as mothers and their contribution to women's growing status. Generally though, she presents them as weak-willed and blinkered. The section on 'mothers in law' seems particularly insulting.

Mandi Norwood is at her best when celebrating a new equality in marriage. However she also celebrates attitudes by women which seem just as overbearing and domineering as the men of her mother's generation. There's the woman who announces that she's moving to Europe without the slightest sense that her husband's feelings need discussing. He gets the choice of staying in the US or going with her, but she expresses no preference and no interest in his views. He goes with her and has a miserable time, but this doesn't seem to cause any concern.

Then there's the 'Hitched Chick' who decides to go travelling for a year. She generously allows her husband the option of coming with her, but again doesn't express a preference for whether he comes or stays at home. Nor does she express any interest in how he feels about her decision. If a husband behaved like this he would rightly be considered boorish and domineering. But for Mandi Norwood, this is just as it should be for 'Hitched Chicks'.

There's also the bizarre episode where one woman demands and gets a fabulous engagement ring. This is celebrated as evidence of her strength of character. Her fiance's generosity apparently has nothing to do with it. The idea that in this age of equality he might get an engement gift in return is not even considered.

In her own commentary, Mandi Norwood manages to paint an uplifting picture of modern marriage as a genuine partnership. But she also contradicts herself by wholeheartedly endorsing women who treat the views and feelings of their husbands as completely irrelevant.

The singularly important flaw in this tome is the extreme attitude with which the author approaches marriage. Although the title and book jacket promise a book with across-the-political-spectrum appeal, Norwood is obviously far less "traditional" in her beliefs than most middle-of-the-road American brides. For example, in her discussion of name changes, she devotes page after page of diatribe against such an outdated system, and only a single line (not even a sentence) reminding women that name changes are an option. In fact, well over three-quarters of married American women change their names--is Norwood just totally ignorant of the prevalence of that practice? For a book that aims for wide appeal, the vitriol was pretty un-called-for. Despite the consistency with which American mothers drop out of the workforce to care for their children full-time, Norwood derides stay-at-home moms; throughout the book she sniffs that concentrating on household management could only lead to depression and could never be as fulfilling as working outside the home. Norwood also seems to go much further than the hope that wives will be their hubands' equals--she seems to want the wives to hold all the cards in the relationship. In fact, she even titles one section, "What's Yours Is Ours, What's Mine Is My Own." Although she professes neutrality on the issues, she errs on the side of condoning such behavior as having extramarital affairs and hiding money from husbands. Overall, it is very clear that Norwood is "nontraditional" in a way most readers are not even close to being; as a result, readers who consider themselves conservative or middle-of-the-road will find this book deeply unsatisfying and even offensive (since the message seems to be that if you're at all conservative then you must not be a "modern" wife).
As an aside, I'd also like to point out that this book has only been published in the U.S. and uses U.S.-based statistics. The spelling is all American, and the core audience seems to be upper-middle-class American women. Why, then, is this book so riddled with Anglicisms? Toward the end of the book I definitely got sick of figuring out the meaning of words like "biscuits" and "bespoke," scratching my head over seemingly random capitalizations ("Realtor?") and reading quotes from women named Gemma.

The book starts with how supposedly miserable the marriages that our mothers had because these women put themselves after their husbands and children. It asserts the importance of retaining the wife's own identity as an individual by keeping her maiden name, her "me time", and her career. It also says that men should help with the household chores too because marriage is after all an equal partnership. I like this way of thinking so I decided to buy the book. But it continues with recommendation to have sex affairs with other men (and/or women as well!)in order to stay single-minded and happily married. It also recommends to have sex at least with 10-20 different men before you say 'I do' to your husband-will-be so you know what you're getting from him. And don't bother about your husband's feeling, you must tell him the exact number. I couldn't help but wonder what actually the author's definition of a successful marriage is.

...in which case I'd try to get a complimentary copy out to all highly impressionable high school and college-aged females.

I occasionally like to pick up books like this that profess to give advice to women on relationships and what-not, just to see the advice women give to one another.

What's sad is that there are women out there that will take this stuff to heart. Oh well.

Let me ask a reader who questions these initial poor reviews, pick out one of the pages where the Author starts to hit her stride, and switch the pronouns around, so he becomes she, and she becomes he, and just listen to how it sounds like it was written by an absolute Neanderthal. The parts about cheating are especially telling if you try this test.

I feel much, much better coming on Amazon and not finding 100's of 5-star reviews, but rather dismal reviews and people who care enough about the future of our societies to take valuable time out of their day to make comments such as this, I must say my faith in society as a whole has received an overdue warm fuzzy today.

Making a marriage work is difficult enough as it is, without the self-indulgent and immature "hip-ness" schlock on the part of either one or both partners. If you want to be a "hip chick," why even consider a boring, antiquated institution such as marriage anyways? Cohabitate! Sleep around! I'm sure that will certainly qualify you as "hip," much more than getting married. Won't it?

If you really, really want your heterosexual relationship work, talk to the man you're HAVING THE RELATIONSHIP WITH on as deep, honest, and supportive basis as you can, and STOP LISTENING SO MUCH AND MAKING UNILATERAL CHOICES FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS AND SELF-PROCLAIMED GURUS. For most men, marriage is a deep bond of intimacy and trust, its not something to be communally picked over or directed by ad hoc committee or pop trends. You'll learn morea about your marriage from sitting down and talking to your spouse on a deep and personal level than you'll ever learn from a shelf-full of books like these. This type of book is like emotional crack cocaine--sure it makes you feel good and powerful and "hip" in the short-run, but truth be told, this line of thinking sucks out your soul over time.

If I could give this book less then 1 star I would. There really is no helpful advice for a successful marriage, only an author with disdain for and type of traditional marriage. I almost found it offensive. I kept waiting for the book to get better but it never did. I would compare it to a very long, poorly written, magazine opinion article. Don't waste your money on this crap!